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keeping god first

Dating Lessons

Posted on August 24, 2019
Dating Lessons Learned

I’ve never dated so much in my life. I’ve been on many dates with several men. I have had so much fun. Now, I have a better understanding of what I want. Here are my top five dating lessons learned:

Lesson 1: Surrender

Through this dating process, I’ve let go of a lot of my ideas about love. I learned to surrender. I learned to be vulnerable. I am still learning how to feel my emotions without being led by them. I learned how to say what I want. Being with someone for the rest of my life will require me to give of myself, sometimes more than I’m comfortable with.

Honesty, vulnerability, and transparency are all areas in which I struggle. It’s hard for me to let go of my ideas and plans. Once I truly let go, I see how beautiful life can be. When I surrender, I see God at work and I move out of the way. The same thing happens with relationships. When I stop trying to control the outcome everything turns out greater than I ever expected.

Lesson 2: I’m the Prize

Placing a high value on my self-worth has allowed other people to treat me as such.  When God created me He made a masterpiece. He created something beautiful. Why would I allow anyone to treat me as something less? How can I treat myself as something less than the best? I deserve to be pursued. I do not have to compromise. I will have what God wants for me. I am the prize.

Lesson 3: Where My Hope Comes From

Dating has its ups and downs. There will be periods of time where I hit it off with every guy I like, and then there are periods of time where things just aren’t clicking. During the low moments, it’s easy to get discouraged. When a guy I like ghosts, often the first thought is that I did something wrong. It was during these moments that I had to rely on God and His promises to get me through.

He never promised that I wouldn’t struggle, but He did promise that He already overcame this trouble-filled world. I had to remember, in good times and in bad, that whatever the outcome is my hope will remain in Jesus. My confidence isn’t in me, it’s in Him who works through me. This helped me adjust my attitude when things went left, and to maintain my attitude when things went my way.

Lesson 4: Keep God First

This may sound silly but for a long time, I thought in order to be a real Christian and keep God first I couldn’t do much else. I thought in order to stay on the straight and narrow, I could only go to work, church, and home. The problem with that was that it was boring. I wasn’t meeting anyone, especially not men, and I was losing sight of what God had promised me.

It’s weird, but dating made me put God first. I was very intentional about keeping God involved in my dating process. I prayed before going out, I prayed on the way there, I prayed about the guy. I studied more scripture to make sure I was sober-minded. I asked friends and family for advice and to hold me accountable. This habit spilled over into other areas of my life. Now I know that as long as He’s first, everything else will fall into place.

Lesson 5: I Am A Wife

I believe I’m in the position to be found. I declare I’m a wife now. No, I’m not married yet and there is no potential man in the picture right now. But I declare that I am a wife right now. Yes, I can cook and clean and fulfill all of those domestic duties, but being a wife is about more than that. To do a little humble bragging, I have a good character. I can listen, help, support, encourage, pray, believe, love, and make money. There are definitely still things I need to learn about being a wife but I know I am a good thing. I am a wife.

Bonus Lesson: What I Want

I know I want a man who loves God more than he will ever love me. I want a man who’s responsible with money. I want a worshipper. I want a spiritual leader. I want someone who will pray with me and for me. 
Now, I realize the importance of having Christ as the foundation. Maybe dating as I have isn’t the path for everyone. I’m happy God took me along this path though. While it hasn’t been easy, it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made. 

So here’s my truth. I want to be married. While I’m thankful that I’ve had to opportunity to meet so many great men, I want my husband. Dating has been amazing. But, what I really want is my husband and family. What I truly want is to allow God to do His job and I put in the work of me dating men I can see myself marrying.

I started this journey because I want every promise God has for me. I’m determined to see His goodness in the land of the living. This isn’t the end of me dating. It’s the beginning of my taking dating seriously. So, prayerfully I will not be dating for long (please Jesus). Of course, it will happen in His timing and I’m in no rush. Until then, thanks for joining me on this journey of being Single In Christ.

-Kim

We also recommend:

http://www.singleinchrist.org/mystory

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi_zkBNDJLU1HPRR80SbXNA

Becoming Exclusive

Posted on March 9, 2019


I’ve been dating this guy for about three months and naturally, becoming exclusive came up. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it before. I just need to take some time and figure out exactly what becoming exclusive means.

Dating

Before becoming exclusive, there is of course dating. I had to redefine what dating means, to know what exclusivity means. Dating isn’t being in a relationship. Dating is the time to have fun and get to know more about me and the other person.

Dating is the time for us women to realize who we are. We are the gift, we are the favor of God, and we are a good thing. Dating helped me realize just how much of a prize I am.

I learn my likes and dislikes while dating. I learn what I want and what I don’t want. Then, I can weed men out accordingly. Dating is not the time to show off how good of a wife I can be. This is time to get to know someone. It should be light and fun but done with the understanding that this could progress into something serious.

Dating is also the time to set your expectations. Set them early and often. Expectations can be as simple as not calling or texting after a certain time. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t meet your needs or expectations now, then he certainly won’t when you’re exclusive.

Exclusivity is Earned

There is no reason exclusivity should be given away like it’s nothing. Exclusivity is a big deal. At this point, you know who you are and what you want. The man has shown that he is a good man that you could see yourself with longterm. His pursuit of you is righteous and glorifies God. Although he may not have everything you want, he certainly displays characteristics that would make him a good husband. So how does he earn your exclusivity?

He earns your exclusivity through his pursuit. He earns it by recognizing that you will bring favor to his life. It is also earned by going through your support system. So introduce him to your circle. Introduce him to those people who pray for you, love you, and hold you accountable.

If you are considering being exclusive with someone, then you really like this person. You may be blinded to some things about him because of how much you like him. Your support system can point these things out and be honest with you. They can also ask questions you may not have thought of because of their different life experiences.

Feelings

I don’t want to discount your feelings in this process. Feelings about a person and chemistry with a person are very real things and should be taken into account. However, I don’t believe you should make any decisions solely based on feelings. Which is why your support circle is so important. Make sure you’re being sober-minded and basing your decision on facts and behavior, not just feelings.

Becoming Exclusive

Now, the man has earned your exclusivity and you feel comfortable giving it to him. What does that really mean? It means you are now in a relationship with him that could be progressing, if all goes well, toward marriage.

Exclusivity means that you are no longer dating or talkingwith anyone else. This is the stage where you set your intentions and work toward those goals together. Marriage could very well be the next logical step after exclusivity, which is why it’s such a big deal.

This is also the stage where you get to know each other on a deeper level. You’ll have more talks about your future, what you want out of life, and if your purposes align.  Of course, these are topics you can discuss at any time, but try not to go too deep too soon.

Time Frame

There is no set time for any of these stages. Go as slow, or as fast, as you need. In fact, it may take a while to adjust to dating in this way. Normally when we like a guy we become exclusive almost immediately, realize he’s wack, and then break up. I’m tired of that. I just can’t do that anymore. That’s why exclusivity matters. However long it takes to get there, is how long it takes. It is important to be cognizant of time though.

If you’re still in the dating phase with a person after a significant period, it may be time to reevaluate the situation. Either he’s not into you, or you’re not into him. It’s ok not to know right away, but at some point, you will have to make the decision to move forward together or separately.

Remember This

My prayer for you (and for me) is that you meet the man God has for you. So until that day comes, keep living for God. Remain faithful and prayerful. Realize that you, my dear sister, are a gift. Know that you can still date God’s way and have fun. Don’t feel any pressure to do something or know something right way. Continue to receive input from your circle. Sharpen your skills of discernment. They will be tested while you are dating.

God always gives us what we need exactly when we need it. No matter wha, be sure to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything.  Thanks for following me on my journey of being Single In Christ.

-Kim

P.S. I don’t think the guy has earned the right to be exclusive with me yet. He has agreed to meet my support system though. So I’m still dating and having fun. I’ll keep you posted on what happens next. 😉

Becoming Exclusive
Recommended Resource:

HerQuota

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Keeping God First While Dating

Posted on February 15, 2019

Dating can be a pretty treacherous thing. Especially in today’s world.  There are so many men who seem so good, but end up being crazy, sex-crazed, or just plain weird. So what is a single Christian woman supposed to do? We must make sure to put God first. Seems simple right? But how can we make sure to put God first while dating?

Matthew 6:33 says, “But above all pursue His kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” I want all those things given to me, so here are some tips to help you put God first while dating.

  1. Pray

There is no way you can do this on your own. Prayer strengthens, calms, and provides clarity. Pray for wisdom, discernment, and for more faith to trust God fully. Most importantly, pray for His will to be done and to be led by the Holy Spirit. In order to keep God first, you must talk to Him consistently. You should also spend time with Him and His word meditating and studying. Which, coincidentally, is the next tip. 

  1. Meditate and Study

There aren’t really any scriptures for dating in this technology-driven age. However, there are plenty of scriptures on trusting God, depending on God, and following the leading of the Holy Spirit. One that immediately comes to mind is Proverbs 3:5-7 which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.”

Study and meditate on these scriptures so that you will keep God first and won’t be led astray or distracted by someone who doesn’t belong in your future. Get them down in your heart and spirit so that you will be able to discern what’s from God. These types of scriptures will help you decide who to date in the first place.

  1. Pray with and for your date

Hopefully, you’re dating a Christian man who prays.  If he’s not a Christian, then why are you dating him sis? No, seriously, why are you dating him? You should only be dating men that are marriage potential, but that’s another post. As you can see, prayer is a key component in keeping God first while dating. Pray for him before and after your date. Pray that God reveals anything about him that may be a red flag. Pray that he is led by the Holy Spirit too.

Now, praying with him may be a bit awkward, especially if the relationship is new. But, if he prays on a regular basis, asking him to pray with you shouldn’t run him off. If it does, then do you really want that man anyway? If you want to ease into praying with him, ask him what he’s been praying about lately. That way, you can broach the topic without seeming too religious or spooky deep.

Now, I’m not telling you anything that I haven’t personally done. These are tips that I have learned to do the hard way. It’s so important that you keep God first in everything because He will be the foundation of a good marriage.

As I continue to date, I’m learning so much about myself and about how important it is for me to lean on God. I pray that you learn from my dating misadventures so you won’t have to repeat the same mistakes. Thanks for following me on this journey as a single Christian woman. Remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in all you do!

-Kim

 

Recommended Resource:

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