Why Am I Still Single?

I’m still single because I am a happy, whole, and confident woman. I am complete by myself and I am totally satisfied waiting on whomever God has for me. I refuse to settle for just any old person. I want the fullness of God’s promises and that includes whomever I marry.

Now that the holiday season is upon us, this is the answer I give to all of those nosy well-meaning relatives.  It’s always asked with such disdain as if something is wrong with me. So, I came up with an answer that would allow them to know I’m not afflicted with some rare disease. I’m satisfied being single.

While that answer sounds good and is essentially true, I can’t help but wonder what’s the hold-up? What is this waiting period really for? Have I missed the person I was to marry? Am I causing this period to be longer than necessary? Or is it that God has some great destiny for me and I need this time to define myself? 

In all honesty, the answer is it’s a lot of me and a little of God. Maybe I messed up with the person I am supposed to be with because I was in my flesh and didn’t find him attractive. I probably held on too long to unforgiveness and it turned to bitterness and no one finds that attractive. I may not have let my heart be as open to love as it could have been.

God has some work to do on me and I’m willing to let Him do it. So, I do need this time to become better. Yes, I’m complete, whole, and happy but, I could be more forgiving. I could love people more. I need more discipline. Do I have to be perfect to get married? Is that why I’m still single? I don’t think so. No one is perfect. Every one of us has flaws and kinks that need to be worked out.

Marriage is not some great prize or reward I get for doing good things, for being a good Christian. I understand that. I try not to think about marriage that way, but it’s hard not to sometimes. I totally get that my reward is in heaven. I live for Christ because I truly believe His will is what’s best for my life. I know that I need Him to make it through any situation in which I find myself.

I know His grace is sufficient; that contentment is the goal for every aspect of my life.  But how can I ever truly be content if a long-held desire is not fulfilled? I know God put the desire there. I always heard that my husband will come once I’m content with just me and Jesus. It’s always been me and Jesus, and I really do love Him. How much more content do I need to be?

The dictionary defines content as, “in a state of peaceful happiness; satisfied; glad.”* The Greek dictionary defines the word content as, “self-sufficient, adequate, needing no assistance.”* That puts a different spin on it. Needing no assistance is definitely different from peaceful happiness. I was thinking of contentment as being happy when it’s really just leaning on Christ for strength for everything. Whether I’m single or married, I need to be content.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining, or woe is me, I’m sad and single. That’s not the case. I am quite satisfied. My life is good. I’m learning and growing every day. As for my husband coming when I’m totally content, maybe that’s true. I don’t know. I’ll tell you if or when that happens. One thing I know, that it will happen in God’s timing and I will rely on Him to give me strength in the mean-time.

I know that when I put Him first, all the other pieces will fall into place. I’ll just wait on God and get closer to Him. I’ll learn to trust Him more, especially with matters of the heart. Prayerfully I’ll have fewer days like this. I will focus on what I do have, which is every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms. I have amazing friends and family. I have a good life with few major responsibilities. I get to sleep late on Saturdays. I’m so thankful that God puts up with me. He’s wonderfully kind, patient, and tolerant. I really am blessed.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for blessing me abundantly. Help me to focus on what I have. Help me to put Your kingdom above all else so that You can give me everything I need. Thank You for the strength You give so that I can do everything through Christ. You are my keeper. You are my refuge. I place my trust in You, Lord. Have Your way in all areas of my life. I surrender my will to Yours. I will look to my future with confident assurance because You sustain me. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Philippians 4:11-13 (NLT)

¹¹ Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. ¹² I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. ¹³ For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

*dictionary.com

* page 47, Greek Dictionary of the New Testament, The New Strong’s Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.