Tag:

God

Journaling

Wildest Dreams

Posted on December 21, 2019

As we approach the new year, I often take time to plan ahead for the new one. This time I want to take a slightly different approach. God can do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think according to the power that works within us. So, instead of the same old new year’s resolutions, let’s resolve to go after our wildest dreams.

Wild Dreams

What are those dreams that you just can’t seem to shake? The big, bold, and grand dreams that you know God placed in your heart. Why not ask Him for those dreams? Hashtag goals can be a reality. I believe 2020 is the year that God-given dreams and gifts must manifest. It’s time y’all. So I’ll ask again, what’s your wildest dream?

Last year, a group of friends and I sat around discussing our plans for 2019. We spoke them with conviction and we put some work behind our faith. I didn’t only ask for tangible things, I also asked to be in a better position to serve Him.

In 2019 we saw God manifest what we spoke out loud and more. So, that got me to thinking. What if I was bold in my declarations for 2020? If God did all that for me in 2019, what more would He do if I asked for what I really wanted? How much would my life and the lives of others change if I followed that wild (and crazy) dream God gave me?

2020 Journal

For 2020, I’m declaring that I serve a God who cannot and has not failed. I declare that I have put forth the work and effort necessary for God’s promises to manifest in my life. God will abundantly exceed my wildest dreams in 2020. I believe He will do it for me and you. I created a journal to help me let go of limiting thoughts. This journal has scriptures and prompts to help get the creative juices flowing.

Take some time to write out your wildest dreams in the journal. I’m talking about that dream that’s a little (or a lot) scary to even mention aloud. Write those things that you really want. Then believe that God will move on your behalf. Stand in the confident expectation that God will do more than you can ask or think. Pray over that list, make sure you’re keeping God first, and then move!

What a Mighty God We Serve

God is already moving. He has already moved in a mighty way in my life with my wildest dreams list. We serve an active and living God. He doesn’t have to wait until 2020 to do it. It can happen now! What an amazing feeling to know that God loves and hears us. I pray that you have a prosperous and happy new year! May God continue to bless you beyond belief.

Get the journal here

Thanks for joining me on this journey through singleness,

Kim

The Battle

Posted on November 26, 2019
falling short

I’m battling God and I’m tired. I’m running away from the calling God placed on my life. I’m battling to keep what I need to let go. I fought for so long to have my way and now I’m exhausted. The battle cost me peace, happiness, the ability to love without condition, and patience. Why am I fighting with God? Because I am afraid.

Terrified

I’m terrified I’m not worth more than what I have right now. What if this is all there is and God doesn’t do what He promised? What if He takes longer than I’m willing to wait. Am I willing to forsake the future God showed me, for now? If I continue to keep what He told me to let go, will I ever get to what God has for me?

Even if I embrace God’s path for me, will I get to it? Am I even worthy enough to do His work? It gets hard and lonely as the super saved girl. What if I just don’t have what it takes? I declare every day that I am confident in God and His word. But, how do I trust when it seems like I’m waiting in vain? This I know for sure, every time I fully surrendered and trusted Him fully, He blew my mind.

Surrender

So, how do I get back to that place? That place where I let go and let God. How do I get to the fully surrendered, prostrate before the Lord, just me and Him place? I used to be there. I heard His voice clearly and followed it. My selfish desires get the best of me. I got distracted, confused, and lost. I fell all the way down. How did I get here?

I know the scriptures, I know the pitfalls to avoid. Or, at least I thought I did. Now I’m unstable. I’m fighting and screaming just to get back, but He seems so far away. That’s when I fell to my knees and gave up the fight. God, I cannot live this way. You called me to be holy and set apart. The righteous fall seven times and get back up. I need to get up. I have sinned and fallen short of the glorious standard of Christ but there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

Victory at Last

I’m in Christ. He has taken on every sin. He paid the penalty for each fall. Lord, help me get to a place where I abhor sin. Where I crucify my flesh with its lust and desires for this world, and pick up my cross and follow You. Help me to be grateful for today and not worry about tomorrow or what’s to come. Let me do what I can do today.

I have to make sure I’m hearing God’s voice above it all. God’s voice is in His word. I surrender God, I surrender all. I’m tired of trying it my own way. I fully accept the calling, gifts, and talents you have placed in my life. You win God. Funny thing is, I finally feel victorious. Now, I’m ready to walk the path to redemption.


Dusty Man Trap

Posted on September 7, 2019
falling short with dusty men

Overall dating has been fun and exciting. I have met some really great guys and some dusty crusties. But recently I fell into a dusty man trap.  I usually don’t dwell too much on the unpleasant experiences, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s how I fell into a dusty-man trap.

I always protect the innocent, so I’ll call this guy Gary. Sorry to anyone named Gary. It’s not personal. I have 5 things a guy must meet before I decide to go on a date with him. 

  1. Christian
  2. Have a job
  3. Have a car
  4. Have his own place to stay
  5. No more than 1 child, but preferably none

How it Started

I mentioned those criteria because I went out on 2 dates with a guy that, unbeknownst to me, didn’t meet any of them. He was a dusty man.  Let’s start at the beginning. I met Gary back in the early part of the year. We messaged and talked for a few weeks but for whatever reason, we stopped talking. I don’t remember why we stopped, I just remember that we did. 

Then summer hits and I get a text from an unknown number. I respond out of curiosity. It’s Gary! We chat for a while and decide to go out. During the course of this chatting, I ask why we initially stopped talking and he changed the subject.  Looking back that should have been my first red flag.

We had trouble finding a time to go out because I’m a busy woman. I don’t cancel the plans I already made for a date. So we talked for about 2 weeks before we actually met up. During this time I asked all the questions to make sure he met my first date criteria. He lied, but I had no way of knowing at the time.

The Meetup

A couple of days before we are supposed to go out he calls and says that he just has to see me. I said we’re supposed to go out soon can’t you just wait? He said no, he has to see me right away. This is a Sunday morning and I’m getting ready for church. I really didn’t have time for a meet and greet. He kept calling and texting until I finally agreed to meet him. This should have been my second red flag.

I get ready super fast and meet him at an agreed-upon location near my church. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to invite him to the church I’m always talking about. It’s late June or early July, but either way, it’s super hot. The air in my car isn’t working that well so I’m sitting there sweating. Here comes Gary rolling up.  He hops out of the car in the most unflattering outfit I’ve ever seen. He had on a shirt with holes, basketball shorts, socks that didn’t quite cover his ashy knees, and slides.

Disappointment

At this point I’m thinking to myself, you just had to see me and this is how you look? I’m super annoyed. He gets out of the car and saunters over like he is God’s gift to women. I purse my lips in preparation for nonsense to come out of his mouth. And it did. He starts talking about how he couldn’t wait until our date to see me.

He’s licking his crusty lips every five seconds. I was so distracted by his appearance I really don’t remember what he said except that it could have waited until our date. I don’t say anything because I’m hot and annoyed. Plus he looked dusty. I let him talk for about 5 minutes then say I need to leave. At this point, I’m devising a plan in my head on how to let him down easy. But it didn’t go exactly as planned. 

Falling Into the Trap

The next day I call him and we’re keeping it light at first. Talking about everything and nothing. Then I hit him with I the I’m not romantically interested and I think we should be friends. He says cool, but he would still like to hang out. I have no idea why, but I agree. This is how I fell into the dusty-man trap.  As the week progresses, he calls me and says his car is in the shop and that he lost his debit card. It sounds really suspicious but I say ok, do you want to hang out another time? He says no, he really wants to see me again.

We go out, he meets me at the location. I have no idea how he got there. We have an okay time.  He pays for the date with a wad of cash. At this point, I’m determined to break things off. Then he asks me for a ride home. I give him one and on my way back to my house I am fussing at myself for going out with this dusty, crusty man.  Mind you, he didn’t dress any better for our date. 

The more we talk, the more I find out about him. He really doesn’t have a job. He also doesn’t have a stable place to live. He goes in-between family member’s houses. There’s nothing wrong with this. I get that that people go through hard times, but why lie about it and try to date on top of that?

Lessons Learned

But, I ended up going out with him again. Don’t ask me why. Perhaps I needed to learn a lesson about smooth-talking dusty men. Maybe I thought I could help. In the end, I realized that I’m not the type of woman that can date potential. I need to see some actual results. I need to see your plan taking shape. I’m not asking any man to be at the final place, but I need to see steps being taken in that direction.

I also learned not to be so hard on myself. I should not have gone out with Gary. There were a lot of red flags that I ignored because he had nice pictures online. Those pictures didn’t match reality by the way.  I serve a forgiving God who said there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If I’m in Christ, which I am, why should I condemn and be so hard on myself? I had to forgive myself for being foolish, believing lies, and falling into a dusty-man trap.  I survived though. Now, I will pay attention to red flags. 

I had to go back to God and find out what I really want. I won’t be making a dusty man mistake again. I can move forward with the knowledge that God wants me to be happy and that I will be.  Still out here dating, but I’m taking my time. Vetting men a little more than I used to. I’m grateful for the experience. Glad to know that God’s got me even when I mess up.

Thanks for joining me on my journey of singleness!

Kim

Recommended Reading:

http://www.singleinchrist.org/a-prayer-for-you/

www.singleinchrist.org/dating-lessons-learned/

www.glendablogz.com

Temptation: A Bible Study

Posted on February 1, 2019

As I re-enter the dating world and embark on this sort of new adventure, I want to have the right mindset. I want to make sure that I’m putting on the mind of Christ and keeping God first. So I decided to do a bible study. And what better place to start than with the life and works of Jesus in Matthew?

As I read and studied my way through the book of Matthew, the first 11 verses of chapter 4 captured me. These verses deal with the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. Since I was so struck by these verses, I want to share what I have learned.

Jesus Is Tested in the Wilderness

Matthew 4:1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

  1. We can be in the will of God and be led by the Holy Spirit and still end up in the wilderness facing temptation.
  2. It seems like in the will of God, this shouldn’t happen. Why would He lead me into the wilderness to be tempted? Because it’s a test.
  3. God doesn’t tempt, He tests us. The enemy is the one who tempts.
  4. God knew all along what was going to happen.
  5. What is temptation?
    1. Enticement to sin
    2. Sinful thoughts
    3. Troubles
    4. Afflictions
    5. Rebellious spirits

There’s a Way Out

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

  1. The temptation you are facing has been faced by others (common to mankind)
  2. God is faithful
    1. Trustworthy
    2. Reliable
    3. Deliverer of promises
  3. Promise: He will not let you be tried beyond what you can bear
    1. He will not give up on you or leave you alone
    2. He will not give you more than you can handle (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually)
  4. 2nd Promise: But with the trial will also provide a way out
    1. God will make, produce, cause, or prepare a way of escape, an end to the trial/temptation.
  5. So that you may be able to endure it
    1. He will place you on His shoulders and support you so that you can endure the adversity.

Let’s Go Back to Jesus’ Example on How to Find the Way Out

Matthew 4:2 -3 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

  1. He was tempted where He was weak. He was hungry and he was tempted with food.
  2. The temptation was for a need. He was legitimately hungry, but the devil wanted to Him to fill his legitimate need in an illegitimate way.
  3. Example in the dating world: you have a legitimate need for companionship because God didn’t create us to be alone. However, the temptation comes in because we try to meet that legitimate need in illegitimate ways like fornication or seriously dating people that we know doesn’t give God glory.

Matthew 4:4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ”

  1. Jesus didn’t rely on His own strength to face the temptation, He relied on the Word of God. That’s how He remained victorious over sin.

The Tempter Keeps Coming

Matthew 4:5-7 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple.“If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ” Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ”

  1. The enemy tried different tactics to get Jesus to slip up. Jesus remained steadfast and only answered with the truth of God.
  2. This also shows how important it is to know the Word of God for yourself. How can we competently and effectively defeat the enemy if he knows more of God’s Word than we do? Which is why Bible study is so important.

Matthew 4:8 -11 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” 1Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’ “1Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

  1. Here, the devil showed Jesus something God had already given him; all power. Jesus already knew His purpose and what He had in God. We must know what God has already given us and put inside us in order to escape temptation.
  2. Again, the enemy is trying to get Jesus to obtain God’s promises in an illegitimate way.
  3. Jesus conquered temptation and was ready to pursue the purpose God has set before Him.

Major Takeaways

The major takeaways for me are that even in God’s good and perfect will, I’ll face temptation. But I don’t have to worry because there is no temptation that others haven’t faced, including Jesus. I can defeat every trial and temptation thrown at me by relying on God’s strength and truth and not my own strength. The temptation isn’t a one-time thing. It’s the enemy’s job to keep coming at me. However, God is faithful, he won’t let me endure more than I can bear.

What are some of your takeaways? Let me know in the comments and remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in all you do!

Celibacy Blues

Posted on January 26, 2019

I have been abstinent since 2013. I’m abstinent because I believe it pleases God.  Although, that hasn’t always been the case. Until recently, my celibacy journey has been more about me, than about pleasing God. Let me explain.

Feeling Alone

I’m a big believer in having a community of people that are like-minded and can encourage you. I have that community. There are people around me that keep me going and keep me headed in God’s direction when things get tough.

One of the things we encourage each other with is remaining abstinent until marriage.

Lately, however, some of my friends have told me that they aren’t abstinent. Some have even told me that they were never abstinent.

Why are so many people are succumbing to sexual temptation? I felt alone. Am I the only one left not having sex? Who’s left in my circle that can stand with me?

Of course, I know that I’m not alone. I know there are people just like me who want to honor God with their bodies.

This is not a condemnation against anyone having sex. But it did make me reflect on my values as it pertains to sex and why I’m celibate.

Celibacy as a Character Trait

Do I think I’m holier because I don’t have sex? Do I attribute my abstinence to being a good person? Do I want a reward because I’m not having sex?

The answer to all of those questions was a resounding YES!

I waved my abstinence flag around like a badge of honor. I wore it proudly so I could seem better than others. That way I could say I really am a God-fearing woman.

Being celibate is not a character trait. It only means that I have enough discipline to not have sex. It definitely doesn’t make me better than anyone else.

It’s so funny how God works. I went to Him to pray for my friends and their journey, and He ended up revealing my heart issues to me.

The Real Reason

Not only had I esteemed myself as better and, let’s be honest, a little holier, I thought that being celibate would get me what I wanted, i.e., marriage, faster.

I thought to be a “good girl” and to follow all the rules, would somehow convince God that I was worthy of marriage.

What in the world was I thinking?

Looking at the speck in my friend’s eye when I had a beam sticking out of my own eye.

Celibacy is only the outward display of self-control. But where was my heart? Why did I compare myself to others and feel like I should be either ahead or feel like I was behind?

Lessons Learned

My story is my story. Comparing what I’m doing or not doing to anyone else will not help me.

I used to hold out my celibacy like I’m so good. Surely God will reward me. My motives weren’t pure. I was not doing it to please God. It was to please myself.

Problem is, being this so-called good girl still didn’t make men act right. I didn’t get married any faster. It was a persona I put on to control and manipulate.

I thought abstinence would attract a certain type of man. It did attract quality men, but it also attracted men who had my same heart issues.

Genuine people who wanted something real saw right through it.

I also used celibacy to protect my heart. It was my shield. I could hide behind it. I’d blame it for things not working out the way I wanted.

I would use it as a deterrent. I would wave my abstinence flag and say, look at what I’m doing. You aren’t worthy! Be gone!

How could this type of behavior glorify God?

What’s the point in me being celibate if my heart isn’t right or if I don’t embody Christ?

There’s no point in not having sex if I judge people who do. If I look down on others for sinning differently and not being as holy as I pretended to be.

Thank God for deliverance. He showed me who I really am.

A Real Change

A friend recently told me that prayer not only changes things, but it also changes us as we hope and stand on faith.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still strong in my resolve. I don’t intend to have sex until I’m married. I’m also not going to think of myself more highly than I ought to.

God is gracious and patient with us. He’s allowed my faith to grow in Him as I continue to seek Him in prayer. My hope is now in Him instead of my ability to abstain from sex.

Examine your hearts. Are you practicing celibacy because you want to please God, or because you feel like it will get you what you want?

Go to God, He’ll definitely tell you.

Thank you for joining me on my journey as a single in Christ and remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything you do!

My Story

Posted on January 18, 2019

Today I want to tell you a little more about me. It’s only been 1.5 years since I have really accepted myself. It has taken most of my life to believe that I was beautiful or worthy of love. This has been a long journey, so let’s go back to the beginning.

The Beginning

When I was a little girl, I never really thought about my physical appearance. I imagine I was like most other little girls. My only concerns were making sure I did what I had to do so I could go play and have fun.

I spent my summer days with my grandmother. One summer day when I was around 8 years old, my care-free days came to a crashing halt.

Some event was taking place that day and the entire family was at my grandmother’s house. I ran into her house, happy yet exhausted from a full day of playing outside.

I don’t remember what I was doing or saying. Nothing stands out in my mind as to why my close adult relative pulled me to the side and called me fat and ugly.

I do remember how I felt just after hearing those words; crushed. My feelings were really hurt. I told another adult and the response was, well lose weight then.

What I heard was, you are ugly, but at least you can change it.

I must deserve this. If two grown people think this it must be true. What I feel about myself no longer matters.

The Result

Several things happened in that moment.

  1. I believed it.
  2. My feelings weren’t validated.
  3. I began to internalize things and not speak.
  4. I stopped believing the positive things people said about me.
  5. My cycle of low self-esteem and self-worth began.
  6. I felt unloved.

The Cycle Begins

From that point on, I literally hated looking in the mirror. I felt bad that other people had to look at me.

So as I matured and become a teenager, imagine my surprise when I notice boys are starting to look at me. By this point, I was so desperate for validation, I take to whoever calls me beautiful.

I choose who to date based on how beautiful they think I am. So starts the cycle of me choosing the wrong men.  I required them to spend all of their time with me. They had to constantly tell me how pretty I was. That’s how I felt love.

If they didn’t affirm me it was a problem. I needed constant validation. Why were they with me? What else did I have to offer?

It didn’t matter that I had graduated from law school and passed the bar by the age of 24. My accomplishments meant nothing because of how I viewed myself.

How I looked or dressed didn’t matter because what was the point? I just didn’t care. After the end of my 5-year relationship I hit rock-bottom.

Although I knew I couldn’t marry him, I had thoughts that no one will ever want me again. I’m still not pretty enough, I’m still not valuable enough. No one cares about what I think, feel, or what I have to say.

Healing

Then my true healing began. I have talked about this period a lot, but I never shared the impetus of the pain. That’s why I’m quiet. That’s why I pushed people away. I’m glad God showed the root cause, so I can heal properly.

This is what led me to God and to Him affirming me and validating me. It still took some time for me to really believe that I was valuable and loved.

I constantly prayed for God to love me, not knowing that He always had and always will. That nothing will separate me from His love. I prayed for things that I already had.

That’s why I say feelings aren’t facts. It took me until I was almost 32 years old to feel confident in myself. To know that I don’t need the validation of others to function.

My voice matters and what I have to say is important. It took me to do a podcast and blog to realize that people do want to hear what I have to say.

My confidence doesn’t come from anyone else. It only comes from God.

The Other Side

It was a long and painful process, but I made it. I am decidedly on the other side. Praise God!

Now I don’t have to make decisions from a broken place. I choose who to date based not on how good they think I look but based on their character.

While I appreciate compliments, I don’t need them anymore. I truly desire a a man who will love God more than he will ever love me. I realize that it’s not all about me.

The confidence I have now, God gave it to me. He gave me a peace and love that I have never known before. I’m excited to see what God has in store because it can only get better from here.

Remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything you do!

-Kim