Transparency moment: I tripped and fell into a full-blown situationship. Now, for those of you who haven’t heard, a situationship is the space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship. In other words, it’s nothing tangible. It doesn’t represent anything. This word was created because that’s the only way to describe it. It’s not a relationship but it’s also not a friendship. It is that in-between stage where feelings are involved but no rules apply. It’s a horrible spot. So, how did I get there?
How I Fell
I finally am free of this whateverness that I dealt with for a year. I was warned, told, and flat out shown that he was not my husband. That feeling in my gut said no, but I ignored the red flags. I thought he could maybe be the one with time. All along I couldn’t commit. In the back of my mind, I wondered if this was for me or if he was for me. God told me long ago I’d marry and I’d know when I met him. So when people told me I was their wife along the way, I knew they were lying. This situationship started differently though, he had me questioning if my intuition was off.
He said and did all the right things until he didn’t. It was gradual. So gradual in fact that I didn’t even notice things were different until all the niceties that drew me in completely stopped. I then realized I operated under the assumption that things would get back to normal. The calls, dates, and hand-holding would resume. They didn’t. I thought the long meaningful conversations would return. They stopped happening altogether. It turned into a situationship.
The Break-Up
I called it out, I said I wanted more and would walk away from this nothingness. He stepped it up for a little while then it turned right back into a complicated situationship. See, I had no real right to demand more because we weren’t in a relationship, but my feelings were definitely involved at that point. So, now I have to break up with someone I’m not even with. How does that work? I tried 3 good times before it stuck. Each time the “break up” didn’t work it was my fault. I would respond to a text or answer a call and it would start all over again. This last time I was determined to let it go. I said my goodbye and blocked him. Hey, sometimes you have to do it. I wholeheartedly believe in the blocked ministry. Not only did I block him on my phone, but on all social media as well. Then I deleted the text thread and his number from my phone.
The End
That last part hurt a little. It was the end of my holding on to something I knew I was supposed to let go of a long time ago. While it hurt, it was also freeing. There was a sweet release in finally being obedient to God. How much better could I have felt if I was obedient immediately? Where would my life be now had I been obedient immediately and followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit as soon as I heard it? I can’t say. All I know now is that God certainly wants what’s best for me. I also know that I’m willing to follow His lead in order to obtain it. I’m worth God’s best. There will not be another situationship in my future. There will only be God’s destiny. His will shall prevail in my life. This time I’m willing to obey.
Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness!
Kim
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