Open To Dating

Single In Christ is a space for those who are single, saved, and patiently waiting. While we are patiently waiting for the Lord to bring us what He’s promised, how do we handle dating? I asked myself this question because I was recently asked out on a date.

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on a date and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle the request. Should I go to God and seek an answer before saying yes? That doesn’t seem practical because if we’re at the point of him asking me out, I should have received some discernment by now. Plus, how long do I make this man wait before giving him an answer?

I should have prayed before I even started talking to him. I should have already asked God if this is this a man He wants in my life. Okay, lesson learned. I’ll know the next time this happens to seek God before. As a matter of fact, I will stay prayerful about my love life so I can have God’s wisdom at the time I need it.

Another thing that complicated my decision was that he wasn’t black. Now, I’ve always imagined that my husband would be black. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with interracial dating, I just never envisioned myself doing it. Now I’m faced with this opportunity to go out with a man who doesn’t look like me. He doesn’t have the same background or culture as me. Oh God, what should I do?

Should I stick with what I’ve always imagined or should I be open to trying something new? Should I just try this out? How is this even going to work? All of these thoughts ran through my head. I ended up saying yes to him, but ultimately I did not go on the date.

Why didn’t I go on the date? The main reason is that he canceled. But honestly, I was so relieved. I was so caught up in the fact that he wasn’t black that I’m sure I would have made the date awkward and awful. I was so in my head about what I thought my future should look like that I didn’t take the time appreciate the man for who he was.

This entire experience made me ask myself some questions. What do I really want? Do I want what God has for me, or do I want what I want? I know we all profess to want what God has for us, but what if it doesn’t fit our expectations? What if we reject God’s best for us because it’s not what we want.

Could it be that my type is the reason I’m single? Do I reject certain guys that may be God-sent just because they don’t fit into my idea of the man I think I should have? Is my type even attracted to me? I’m not saying that I’m unattractive or anything, but I ask these questions to myself and to God because I don’t want to be single forever. I’ve resolved that I do want what God has promised me. I also know that I have some work to do on myself. I have some imaginations to let go.

The next question I thought about was am I willing to be open? Am I willing to let go of my imaginations and expectations and allow God to have control in my life? Especially my love life? I’ve been single and dating on and off for about 6 years now. As I look back on who I’ve dated, they all seem to be a certain type.

What if that’s not what God has for me? Would He tell me? Would I even listen? Am I listening now? God said He would give me wisdom liberally and without reprimand when I ask, but I really had to evaluate if I was really asking or just telling Him what I want. I really want to be open and let go of these fantasies that I’ve held on to for so long, but how do I really do that?

I had to be honest with God. I’m glad that I serve a God that I can be honest with. I’m glad that He loves me enough to let me approach His throne and cast my cares and worries on Him. One worry is that I don’t want someone who I find unattractive. It seems silly but that’s a concern of mine. I had to give that to the Lord.

Another concern is that the last time I tried “opening up” it didn’t go well at all. In fact is was pretty terrible. You all remember that horrible date. I don’t want to experience that again. I guess I’m like everybody else, I want to be open, but only to pleasant experiences. That’s just not the way life works. I have to give up control. I have to surrender my will to God.

After my last date, I decided to sit myself down and give dating a break. The last experience was a little much for me and it left me feeling a little defeated. I gave that over to the Lord, at least I thought I did, and now all of these other concerns about dating are popping up in my head.

So, I just go to God and be totally honest again. I thank Him for being God and tell Him that I’m not particularly feeling this waiting period and ask Him to increase my faith and help me to trust in Him even more. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I’m so glad that I can rely on Jesus. I honestly don’t know how I would make it without Him.

So, how do I be open, how do I allow God to give me His best?  I have to start with crucifying my flesh. That means I have two spirits in me. I can either follow God’s Holy Spirit or my fleshly/sinful spirit that goes against what God wants.

By crucifying or killing my flesh, I allow God’s spirit that dwells in me to win. I do this by praying, studying God’s word, and receiving Godly counsel. I kill my flesh by simply (or not so simply) depending on God. Depending on God requires self-discipline and intentionality.  It requires that I lay my will down daily, even hourly. I cannot do this on my own.

It’s crazy how I got all of this revelation from being asked on a date. As a result, I’m taking myself off of the bench. I am open to dating or courting who God has for me. If you are in a place where you feel like you’re healed and ready to date, then I encourage you to be open as well.  Don’t just date for fun or because you’re bored or hungry, take the time to find out who a person really is. Date with the purpose of marriage in mind.

I’m not saying that you will necessarily marry the person you’re dating, but they should at least want marriage too. Your husband or wife may not look like you’ve envisioned, but they might just love you better than you could ever have imagined. Let God into your love life. It may be difficult to give up the reins at first, but whenever I’ve totally put something into His hands, He’s never disappointed me. I”m looking forward to what He has in store. 

Our Father,

Allows us to feel Your love today. Strengthen us with Your love, power, and might. Let our faith in You increase so that we’re able to cast all of our cares, worries, and burdens at Your feet. We cannot do this alone God. We need you. Help us to crucify our flesh and surrender our wills to Yours. Give us the vision and revelation to see that what you have for us is the best. Help us to trust that Your will is better than anything we could ever imagine. Let Your will be done.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Galatians 5:24 (ICB)

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their own sinful selves. They have given up their old selfish feelings and the evil things they wanted to do.

2 Corinthians 10:5  (ESV)

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

Watch or listen to the latest podcast episode: Open to Dating