Must Attend Church?

The older I get, the more and more women I see in the church. Why is that? Should church attendance be a requirement for my future husband? Do single men really attend church?

Why does this even bother me so much? The real question is am I prioritizing church attendance over a personal relationship with Jesus? Salvation is only found in Jesus Christ. Going to church won’t save you.

Hebrews 10:25 says, “And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another and even more so because you see the day drawing near.”

We are saved when we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus is our Lord and Savior. How can I continue to grow in my salvation, be encouraged, and corrected without the church? Shouldn’t I require the same thing of my future husband?

God doesn’t love those who attend church anymore or less than those who do not. Am I prescribing a legalistic demand to my future husband by having a “must attend church” expectation?

In every church I’ve been a member of or even visited, the women always outnumber the men. Honestly, God, how am I suppose to meet a husband in the local church? I know that the universal church is the body of Christ and I’m sure there are many men in the body of Christ, but not too many in the local church.

The church I attend doesn’t have any single men. Realistically, should that be a top requirement of mine? I’ve personally met men who are faithful church-goers but lack a real relationship with Jesus and I’ve met men who didn’t go to church and had a very real relationship with Jesus. I know there are many men who pray and want God’s will for their lives, but where are they? Where am I supposed to go?

The purpose of the local church is to worship, receive revelation, and praise the Lord, not to find a potential spouse. Another purpose is to be in the company of like-minded people and be encouraged. However, there is this undercurrent in the single Christian community that church is the ideal place to meet a potential spouse.

Where did this even come from? Who is teaching this? I don’t remember where I learned it,  but there was always this idea in the back of my mind that a man who goes to church is a good man. Don’t get me wrong, there are good, godly men that attend church. But there are also some men in the church who couldn’t be further from the good man stereotype.

I put most men I meet in the local church into four categories:

1. Super Married
2. Super Gay
3. Super Holy
4. Super Hoe-ish.

So, where are the regular men? Men that are single, interested in women, aren’t trying to sex you up, and can talk about more than God? I guess they’re out there in the world (gasp!).  I’m not saying they are of the world, they are just not necessarily in the local church. Is that really so bad?

Am I lowering my standards by relaxing my “must attend a church” requirement? I don’t think so, but it’s definitely possible that I am replacing my faith with cynicism disguised as realism. I don’t even know. That’s going to take some prayer.  What I do know is that I’m trying to take the mysticism and deepness out of dating. I don’t want to over-spiritualize dating.

That’s one reason I like to hear the origin stories of couples I encounter. Most have met at work or through a mutual friend. Maybe two couples I know have met in church. Keep in mind that this isn’t empirical scientific data, but it still holds aspects of truth. Could meeting your potential spouse be more simple than we make it out to be? Could I meet my husband outside of the local church?

Could we just make a list of godly characteristics, meet a person that has all or most of them, ask God if we can get married, and then get married if He says yes? I really want to rely on God, but it’s hard for me to kill my flesh in this area. I’m still going to wait on God. This is just a little debate I have with myself sometimes. But I still can’t let go of the feeling that there is something so simple that I’m missing about meeting a potential spouse.

So must my potential husband attend church? Yes and no. I still want him to attend a local church. I think it’s important. But, it won’t be an automatic refusal if he doesn’t go to church. Either way, I will present every guy I date to God. I will still follow His will and be obedient to His word. That’s the only way I know to move forward.

Heavenly Father,

Ease my mind. Help me to trust in You with all of my heart and do not lean to my own understanding. I will acknowledge You in all my ways, and You will make my paths straight. I will keep my love life in Your hands. I will cast every care and worry about meeting a husband onto You because You care for me. Help me not to worry, but think about things that are lovely, pure, and worthy of praise. Continue to cover me and let me be led by Your Holy Spirit.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen.