Dealing With Loneliness

There was a time in my life where I felt so lonely that it led to despair and depression. I prayed and hung out with friends, but nothing seemed to help. I eventually talked to my pastor about it and he recommended seeing a Christian therapist. There’s a stigma around seeing a therapist. I was totally against it at first. I thought it was only for crazy people. I thought that I was strong enough on my own to deal with it even though I felt so weak. I felt that I wasn’t needed, loved, or wanted. I felt isolated and abandoned.

Even though I had all of those feelings swimming around in my head, I thought I could overcome them on my own. But the thoughts were pervasive. It got to a point where it was the only thing I could think about. I felt like there was no hope. That’s when I finally realized these thoughts weren’t healthy and they were making me push people away. I made an appointment to see a licensed therapist the same day. It was the best decision I have ever made.

She gave me some coping mechanisms to help me combat loneliness and despair.  She told me to find some scriptures that really stood out to me, write them down and read them aloud to myself every time I felt lonely or abandoned.  These are some scriptures that help me deal with loneliness:

Psalm 25:16-17 says, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”

Here, David is crying out to God because his own son was against him, the men of Israel went after him, and he was forced to flee from the city and leave his house and family. These verses remind me to always turn to God. He is always there even when no one else is. This reminds me to put my hope in Him always. People can only do so much but God will always comfort me.

Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

To give this a little context, Moses had just died making Joshua the leader of the Israelites. Now, Joshua is tasked with taking God’s people into the promised land. Though this verse doesn’t deal with loneliness specifically, it still comforts me because it lets me know that God is with me. I don’t have to be afraid or fear anything, even loneliness. I can be strong and courageous because God is with me wherever I go.

Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet He did not sin.”

This is a verse I go to whenever I feel discouraged in any way, including feeling lonely. This verse helps me because it lets me know that God understands what I’m feeling. He knows and can empathize with what I’m going through. While on earth Jesus felt the same emotions I feel and yet he did not sin. I can look to him when I feel down and know that he experienced the same thing I did and decided to still follow God. He decided to persevere and keep pressing forward.

It could be so easy to reach out to someone to ease the loneliness, but where would that lead me? It would take away the loneliness for a little while, but then where would I stand with God? What would the moment of temporary pleasure really cost me? This person I’m reaching out to for intimacy will eventually leave, making me feel even more lonely. That person didn’t promise me anything but God promised He would never leave nor forsake me.

Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

God promised that He wouldn’t leave me. He won’t abandon me or leave me helpless. God has my back. He keeps His promises. I’m grateful that He does. This verse reminds me to be grateful for my life as it is right now. Even though I feel lonely right now, I have so much more to be thankful for. Focusing on what I do have and how blessed I am, help me to forget about those feelings of loneliness.

Another way my therapist taught me to battle loneliness is to ask myself what happened to make me feel lonely? Was there an event or something someone did that caused me to feel this way? Why did it make me feel this way? I reflect on my actions and the actions of others and take these questions to the Lord.  I seek Him to find out why it triggered me to feel lonely or abandoned. Then I think about something that made me feel loved. I go to the Lord and ask why does this make me feel loved? How can I feel this all of the time?

I write down these thoughts and scriptures in my journal. So the next time I’m feeling a little lonely or forsaken I can go back to my journal and read the revelations God had given me before. I look back and see how faithful God is. I also write down ways to remember how loved I am. How though, I may be alone, I don’t have to feel lonely. This prompted me to start writing to my future husband. I write letters and prayers for my future husband. This helps me to not only remember God’s promises but wait in expectation for them.

 If journaling isn’t your thing, find a way that’s unique to you so that you can remember God’s victories. Also, remember that loneliness is just a feeling that will pass. Don’t make any permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.  If you feel like it won’t pass, or you’ve felt lonely for a long while, seek help from a professional.

Another thing she told me to do to combat loneliness is to reach out to my friends. That’s why it’s so important to have a good circle of friends that can offer Godly counsel and who you trust. They can pray for you, they can give you scriptures to read, and they can just encourage you to keep living. You all can get together and discuss whatever is going on.

Always go to God in prayer. Be open to God doing new things in your life, like sending you to a therapist. Though journaling is a great way to remember past victories, don’t put God in a box and expect Him to do the same exact thing every time. Let’s make a distinction. Singleness doesn’t necessarily equate to loneliness. Everyone feels lonely at one time or another. They could be by themselves or in a large crowd. Your relationship status doesn’t determine how lonely you feel.The most important thing to remember is, that God will not leave you. He will not forsake you. He loves you and wants you complete and whole. Go to God, He will help you.

Our Father,

Thank You, God, for showing us how to cope with feelings of loneliness. Help us to be honest about how we are feeling and confide in You. Show us the root of these feelings so we can cast them out. Help us to depend on You alone for comfort. Lead us to the support we need to be closer to You. Help us to be courageous and know that You are always with us. Let us remember that we are never truly alone. Reveal who we can trust. Help us to put our guard down and be free in You. Thank You for loving us, God.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Watch the latest podcast episode: Dealing With Loneliness