Confessions of a Lonely Girl

Listen, I’m not trying to be alone forever. These cold and boring nights have me feeling lonely and in need of a companion. I decided to hop on Plenty of Fish and see what’s out there. I told myself that I’m not committing to anyone. I’ll just swipe through some pictures and go to sleep. Why do I lie to myself?

I log in to Plenty of Fish and I already have two messages. The first message is a legit paragraph about how I should overlook his gold fronts because he always accomplishes his goals and that he’s not about playing games so I should just get at him. Oh boy, here we go. I don’t make up my mind about him just yet. I need more information. 

I look at his profile, and his gold fronts are definitely prominent in every photo. He even has some whole body pictures. I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s not bad-looking and I can get over the gold fronts. I scroll down to read more about him and see that he’s 44 years old. Hold up, that’s a little beyond my age range, but I continue to read. 44 isn’t that old right? Then I see that he has 4 kids. The kids are probably grown too. Ugh, no thank you, sir.

Next message is literally two words, “Hey there.” Okay, so he isn’t much of a conversationalist. That’s fine. I can find something on his profile to spark a conversation. I head over to his profile and he seems cool. He’s cute, a Christian, 36, and doesn’t have any kids.

I message him back saying, “Hello, how are you?” He replies, “Good.” The conversation is starting off a little slow, but I keep going. I reply, “Do you enjoy being a tattoo artist?” He says, “It’s good.” I roll my eyes in frustration. That’s it? Don’t you have any questions for me? Are you forcing me to keep the conversation going? No thank you. I’ve gone down this road too many times and I don’t feel like it. I’m done. I log off.

Why do I do this? I know online dating isn’t for me. Why do I allow myself to go on there when it’s always so disappointing? When I’m bored and a little lonely it’s tempting to log in to some app or website and be distracted by men that I know aren’t my husband. It feels good to know I’m attractive. It’s so tempting just to settle for the old man with 4 kids or the one-word reply guy because they are available.

Those guys are always there. They are always ready. They are always willing. It’s easy to keep the conversation going and not be lonely. It’s easy to date an established gentleman to have a companion.  I can have someone if I set aside my standards. Just for a little while. That would be easy right?

Thankfully I snapped back to reality and gave praise to God because whatever He has for me is great. No matter how many men I look at online, He won’t allow me to settle. He’s put a desire in me that I refuse to let go. I don’t know when it will come, or what it will look like exactly, but I know God is faithful. He will do what He said.

This new year I’ve resolved to study and pray when I get bored and lonely. I’ve resolved to call up a friend that’s been on my mind so we can encourage each other. I’ve resolved to finally drop my Plenty of Fish account so there won’t be the temptation to go fishing. I’ve resolved to put God first and live righteously.

I’m determined to take what God has placed in me and serve. I still don’t want to be alone forever, but I’ve realized that I was never really alone in the first place. I have a wonderful Father that loves me dearly. I have friends and family that want the best for me. I don’t have to be a lonely girl anymore.

Our Father,

Thank You for renewing my mind. Help me to not worry about tomorrow. Help me to put You first in all things. Allow me to delight in You and Your word. Help me to serve You as never before. Give me the strength to cast down thoughts that come against Your word and Your will. You are my joy. You are my peace. I place my hope in You, God.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.