Category:

Prayer

Taking Up Space

Taking Up Space

Posted on October 31, 2020

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What does taking up space mean? It means being my authentic self unapologetically. For me, it means saying what I want and what I mean. It means taking up the entire space that God so graciously gave me. Why haven’t I been doing this? Because I was told not to. Maybe not explicitly, but definitely by disapproving looks, and well-meaning advice on how to be and do better.

This advice, while I’m certain wasn’t intended to cause harm, caused me to not fully bloom into who God called me to be.  As I grew into a woman, recurring instances of not being heard when I expressed myself only reinforced the notion that I shouldn’t be myself. I gleaned from my experiences that who I really am isn’t desirable, in any form.  So, in response, I shrank. I made myself small so I could fit in and be desirable.

Shrink.

Shrinking feels exactly like it sounds. It’s tight, hard to breathe, and uncomfortable. There’s never an instance where I could or even would take a deep breath and be free. It’s incredibly isolating. Loneliness was a constant companion. There isn’t much room to move and make waves, so each thought is held captive until there’s absolutely no more room. The release isn’t gentle though. It’s an explosion, oftentimes unwarranted for small matters toward people who didn’t deserve that type of reaction.

Honestly, it had nothing to do with them. It had to do with the position I willingly put myself in. So many people had control over me and my decisions. Instead of relying on the intuition that God gave me through His Holy Spirit, I trusted what everyone else said about me. I never dared to believe that it wasn’t true. I allowed them to label who I am. As a result, I lived and died by other’s expectations. Yet, I am more than they could ever see.

Expand.

The expectation of others is smothering. I’m sure that most, if not all, intended to help me, but their expectations only served to help me suffocate slowly. So, now it’s time to take up the full space that God has given me to occupy. Now, it’s time to finally breathe. But, what does that look like? It looks like me saying what God has told me to say. It looks like me living the abundant life Yeshua Christ gave me to live. This life is braver, bolder, happier, and unapologetically mine. No more time for excuses and no more condemnation. At last, I am able to fully expand and take up every inch of the life God gave me.

Embrace and Enjoy.

So now it’s time to embrace and enjoy this life. God taught me that there is always hope. As long as I continue to trust Him, there is always a plan for me to prosper. While the journey may be hard at times, I’m determined to embrace it and enjoy it. It’s time to do what God has specifically placed me on this earth to do. Taking up space requires us to live differently than we have before. Let’s follow the paths God planned and have fun doing it. There is no reason to cower in fear because of the victory we have in Yeshua Christ. We are all on a journey. Why not embrace it, enjoy it, and take up all of the space we’re given?

Thank you for joining me on this journey through singleness!

Kim

Recommended Resources:

www.singleinchrist.org

www.gotquestions.org

almost doesn't count

Almost Doesn’t Count

Posted on August 22, 2020

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There have been a lot of almosts in my life lately. I was almost in a relationship. I almost had a job I wanted. Unfortunately, almost doesn’t count. Being so close and so far away at the same time is an interesting predicament.

I’m tired of almost. It feels like failure. So many failures in such a short period seem unfair. I know what God says about me. He says that I’m more than an overcomer. He says that in Him, I have the victory. His word calls me chosen, loved, victorious, wonderful, and valuable. Scripture His word says that He’ll give me peace that surpasses all understanding, and He’ll be close to me when I’m brokenhearted. 

Yet, it’s hard to remember all that when all I can see are the failures of almost successes piling up around me. It’s hard to see the victory in Jesus when what I feel is the pain of another no. I understand that everyone goes through this. I’m supposed to rejoice during trials because it will produce character, patience, faith, and a hope that doesn’t disappoint. So, why do I still feel this way?

How do I overcome the disappointment of these scenarios that almost worked out didn’t. Where can I gather my strength and rejoice when I feel so weak again? I still pray and rely on God. My hope comes from Him. Relying on God is much easier to say than to do. Pain has a way of overshadowing everything. Thanks be to God that He always hears. Amid my tear-filled prayers, He always sends an answer.

He reminded me to be grateful. Instead of thinking about what didn’t work, I started thinking about what is working. I filled my thoughts with gratitude for all that He has done. For every one thing I perceived to be horrible, I realized there are at least 2-3 things that amazing. Gratitude changed my perspective from almost doesn’t count to better is coming.

I encourage you to think about things that are good, praiseworthy, excellent, and holy. Then be grateful for what you have and what is coming. Because in God, there is always better. Those opportunities that God has for me will not pass by me. His promises won’t pass you by either. Take heart, although almost doesn’t count, in God, nothing is in vain. Not even your pain.

Thanks for joining me through my journey through singleness,

 Kim

A right relationship

A Right Relationship

Posted on April 27, 2020

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A friend recently asked me what is my goal as a Christian? The first thing that popped into my mind was a right relationship with God. But what does that look like for me? How can I have a relationship with God and not the same old traditional religion I’m used to?

Religion

For a long time, I thought the key to having the right relationship with God was to put a lot of effort into my works. I committed myself to the works of the church but never developed a real relationship with God beyond that. In retrospect, that’s legalistic and religious. God doesn’t desire me to be a performance Christian. He desires my heart and mind. He wants me not my behavior.

But, I decided that to be a good Christian all I needed to do was churchy things. I regularly went to church, tithed, and did other church work. However, my spirit yearned for more. Doing all the churchy things wasn’t enough. I wanted His presence to be with me every day, not only Sunday. Shouting and being filled with the Holy Spirit in a church is great, but I want to experience His spirit always. I want to dwell in His presence forever.

Relationship

To develop a true relationship with God I am changing my mindset and evaluating myself. A personal relationship with God requires that I spend time and communicate with Him. I must also see myself as He sees me.  Part of the reason why I didn’t experience the relationship I wanted is that I didn’t believe I deserved it. I didn’t believe what God said about me. Now I know that I am the daughter of the King. I am forgiven. I’m rescued and redeemed. I’m clean and in right standing with God. 

Yet, I still struggle with believing His promises are for me.  I pray and study His word, but there is still doubt. So, I put together plans and steps to obtain the desires of my heart. I let God in a little but retained some control by sticking steadfastly to my plan. I tried to put work behind my faith without fully surrendering my heart to God. He’ll place the desires in my heart, but first I have to give him my heart. To wholly surrender I must first believe. It’s impossible to please God without faith. 

Belief

The thing is, I want to believe. There’s no problem with me believing God for other people. I will pray and speak life over others and see God move in their life just like I knew He would. However, I know in my head He’ll come through for me, but I make a backup plan just in case. God, I want to let go and trust you fully, but I don’t know the way. So, I pray and consume the things of God. I put so much of Him and His word in me that there will be no room for doubt or unbelief. 

Reality Check

I may be putting too much pressure on myself. I’ve been known to overthink and complicate simple matters. My relationship with God means so much to me and I want a relationship with Him. I want to be with Him on earth and in heaven. Thankfully, my faith is getting stronger every day. He’s given me the desire to pursue Him and spend more time with Him. I give Him every thought that doesn’t line up with His word. This is only the beginning. I’m grateful that He’s still calling my name and I’m willing to obey.

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

Kim

Recommended Resources

Corona Chronicles

Quarantine Dating

Quarantine Dating

Posted on April 20, 2020

Quarantine dating? How can people possibly date during the Quarantine? Aren’t we supposed to socially distance ourselves from one another? Aren’t we supposed to be staying in our homes and away from people? Yes, we most certainly are. But we can still date and here’s how.

Online dating

Since stay-at-home orders are in place, there’s no way to meet people to date other than online dating. It’s still possible to meet someone at the grocery store while wearing your mask and gloves. However, the chances are slim for that to happen. So meet your potential date by logging onto your favorite online dating apps or websites and just poke around. Make a bomb profile with a cute profile picture and swipe. These sites are popping right now. Quality men and women seeking serious relationships and marriage are on those sites. Be sure to use your God-given discernment and the guidance of the Holy Spirit when deciding with whom to converse.

Communication

If you happen to meet someone you like then you can text, call, and video chat. There is no better time to get to know someone on a deeper level than during this quarantine. All non-essential businesses are closed. We have to stay at least 6 feet away from people in public. Nothing is operating normally. All you have is your phone, time, and the Internet. Take all this free time and get to know someone. After all, one of the best ways to learn someone on a deeper level is to talk. Find a comfortable and cute place in your home and talk. Notice things about the background and inquire about them. Take them on a tour of an area that you cherish and explain why it means so much to you. When this quarantine is over, you’ll meet and your connection will be that much deeper.

Reality Check

You may not feel like this is the appropriate time to date. It is completely valid to not want to date during a global pandemic. While you have all this free time, figure out what’s important to you. Pray and ask God what you’re supposed to be doing with this time. God will surely tell you what you’re supposed to do. Filter every decision through Him. If He tells you to continue dating, great! If He tells you to spend more time with Him, even better! Be sure to listen to and obey God. Dating is still possible during the quarantine and it can be fun too!

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

Kim

Corona Chronicles

Corona Chronicles

Posted on April 8, 2020

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This hasn’t been an easy time for most of us. The media is pushing the narrative that we should be afraid and worried. While there is cause for concern, my attitude at the outbreak of the pandemic was decidedly positive. I was confident that God would see me and everyone connected to me safely through it. Then, I lost my job. 

The First Blow

That was the first blow. The economy is up and down due to That Rona. Now is no time to be without a job. Thankfully, I saw it coming and was able to obtain another job the following Monday. While the downturn in the economy and the job market has been detrimental to many, God allowed me to keep working. So while it looked down for a little, I still trusted God to see me through and He did exactly that. Then, my parents fell ill.

The Second Blow

Around the time I started my new job, my parents fell ill with what they thought was the flu. My mom told us not to come over because they were sick. With everything going on with That Rona, my sister and I suggested they go get tested for it just to rule it out. They were adamant that they didn’t have it. Yet, their illnesses worsened. My mom said it felt like the worse flu she’s ever had. My dad wasn’t talking because he was so short of breath. After a couple of days, my mom started getting better, but my dad didn’t. His breathing worsened.

Coronavirus

One night, my mom noticed that he was too weak and breathing too shallowly. She took him to the ER and he was admitted at once. 12 hours later he was diagnosed with COVID-19.  He was taken to ICU and put on a ventilator because he was too weak to breathe on his own. My mom was diagnosed with COVID-19 the next day. I thank God that they were in the position to go to a doctor and be diagnosed. My mom was told to quarantine herself at home for two weeks since her symptoms didn’t require hospitalization. 

Praying Friends

The next two weeks were so scary. The details of That Rona are so unknown, even now. There are conflicting reports of what we should do, what we should wear, even what the symptoms are. The only thing I did know is that God would see me through this. However, I didn’t know what to pray. I had no words. I had never felt this way before. This was unchartered territory for me. My heart kept telling me to pray and the only thing I could muster was God, help! So I did the only thing I knew to do, I reached out to people to pray for me. They prayed hard and fervently and carried me and my family to the throne of grace day after day until my father came home well. God is performing miracles during the Coronavirus pandemic.

God is Good

I’m so grateful that my story ended well, many people don’t have that privilege. I’m well aware of the part that God’s grace and mercy played in the story of my family. Although That Rona is still out there causing devastation and keeping us away from one another, I’ve seen God do so many miraculous things in such a short time. He’s a healer, He’s a promise keeper, He’s a waymaker, and He hears our prayers. The fervent and effectual prayers of the righteous still avail much. God is still performing miracles during the Coronavirus pandemic. Keep praying y’all. If you can’t pray, pray His word and reach out to people to pray for you. Love y’all and stay safe out there!

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

Kim.

Recommended Resources

www.singleinchrist.org

www.gotquestions.org

Dear Lost Me

Dear Lost Me

Posted on March 2, 2020

The following is a letter I wrote to myself during a very dark and confusing time. I was fresh out of a 5-year relationship and my heart was utterly destroyed. I felt hopeless and unworthy. So, I wrote this letter to remind myself of who I am, and whose I am. This letter serves as a testament to God’s redeeming love.  If you ever happen to find yourself in a place of despair, cry out to Jesus. Go to His Word and remind yourself of His promises. He will never leave you nor forsake you. At the end of this letter is a short prayer and scripture that I encourage you to read aloud and declare over yourself. Remember that you are always loved!

Dear Lost Me,

You are a true treasure. Fearfully and wonderfully made by the one true God Almighty. You are beautiful and deserve to be loved. Do not compromise yourself. You are worthy of the love of Christ. Do not lower your standards for the benefit of anyone. If someone doesn’t value you as you are, respect yourself enough to remove yourself from that situation. Be afraid no longer! Confidence looks beautiful on you. Confidence in who you are as a person and in Christ will allow you to not worry about other people.  God chose you specifically for the purpose He set out for you. If the Creator of the universe allowed His only Son to die just to prove His love for you, how could you not be deserving of the love of mere men?

Love Yourself

Let me be clear, the love of a human will never complete you. Please learn to love yourself completely. You are a loving, wonderful, and beautiful person. You can only become complete through total surrender to God. Completely shed your old self and put on your new self. Yes, you’ve made mistakes and you’re not perfect, but your past no longer defines you. You are now saved and redeemed. Lift your eyes to the hills. Where does your help come from? It comes from the Lord who is mighty. The Lord is strong and mighty in battle. So don’t worry about the future. God has already provided. His promises are yes and amen when you are obedient to His will. Please don’t give up. I know it’s not easy, but you have to push, you must persevere. You deserve to live a happy life. This kind of happiness will not come from a job or any other human on this earth.

Happiness

This kind of happiness comes from God. It only comes by seeking out His purpose for your life and fulfilling it. Fear will come, but don’t be concerned with that. God did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound judgment. You have overcome so much. Do not let fear, confusion, or other people’s opinions hinder your God-given purpose. You are led by the living Holy Spirit. Trust Him. The Holy Spirit will guide you in the right direction. I love you so much. You are uniquely designed to endure. He has put a special anointing on your life. Do not ignore it and do not be distracted from it. Not only will you survive, but you will also prosper according to His riches in glory.

God’s Promises

You may not know the future, but you know God’s promises. It’s amazing to discover just how much God really loves you. Now you realize the kind of love you deserve. You deserve someone who handles you delicately and treasures your heart, mind, and soul. Someone who will put you above all except God. Someone who will help you in holiness and will be led by the Holy Spirit. The love of your life will not make you feel less than because you will not allow it. They will remind you of His love daily. God is showing you how to love and be vulnerable. Allowing people into your heart is not the easiest thing to do. It has been broken, shattered, and disrespected. You’ve allowed God in and let Him heal your brokenness. He’s the ultimate potter and put it back together without a single piece missing.

Trust God

Now that he’s holding your fragile heart in His hands, trust Him with it. Grant Him full access to every dark, confused, distrusting, and broken area. Allow Him to give you peace from the broken pieces. This is a challenging process, but all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Let God erase all of the deceit and suspicion of past hurts and fill you with His goodness and kindness. You are already in His hands, give Him room to be your protector and vindicator. His faithful love endures from generation to generation. Remind yourself of His faithfulness every day. It will all be worth it. God promised it would be, and it is so. Love is in you, and so is God. Let your light shine to the world.  Keep growing, keep loving. There’s still work to do.

Prayer

Heavenly Father,

I know You’re preparing me for the next level in You while in this season of singleness. Help me to focus on You and Your Word. Help me to receive everything You have for me. I want to listen and not become distracted. Thank You, God, for just being God all by yourself. I thank You, God, for showing me your love in real and tangible ways. Thank You for instilling confidence within me and guarding my heart; allowing me to dwell in the shadow of the Most High.  I will relentlessly pursue you and your will for my life. Help me to be steadfast, diligent, patient, obedient, and disciplined in You, Father. Thank You, God, for revelation through your Holy Spirit. I desire to please only You, God. 

In Jesus’ name. 
Amen. 

Joshua 1:9 English Standard Version (ESV)

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Recommended Resources

Time4Her

A Plan

Last Single Valentine's Day

A Plan

Posted on February 17, 2020

If you are tired of being alone on Valentine’s Day and you want this to be the last year that you are single, (like me) let’s make a plan to not be single next Valentine’s Day.

Plan for Companionship

Evaluate your mindset. Do you have a mindset that would attract a quality man?  Who are you as a person? What are you attracted to? You may have to change your social habits. Maybe you need to make more female friends so that you can go out more. Pray that God reveals what’s really keeping you single. Once He reveals it to you make a strategic plan on how to overcome those obstacles so this can be the last year you’re single. Be sure to have realistic and measurable goals and ask for God’s help every step of the way. This could be the last Valentine’s day you spend without a man.

Pray and Wait?

So, I know there is a lot of wisdom and Christian teachers out there who preach pray and wait, but I’m not so sure that’s the best model. Every other major decision gets weighed and poked and prodded, but the decision on who to marry is the only one where we throw our hands up and let God do all the work. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying leave God out of the equation. We must be led by the Holy Spirit in everything we do. However, put as much time and effort into attracting a quality man as you do studying for a test or preparing for an interview.

Ok, so a test and a job interview aren’t necessarily the best correlations to marriage. But what is the best correlation? In what other institution will two become one? What else did God design to not only advance His kingdom but also to populate the earth? Shouldn’t the time and energy we use to prepare for a forever marriage at least equal the time devoted things that will last a few years at most?

Mindset

Let’s start with the first question. What is your mindset? Do you believe there is a Godly man that desires marriage and is willing to marry you? You have to believe a thing in order to see it. You have to have faith that God will do what He said. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. What are you hoping for? Where is your hope found? I cannot answer these questions for you, but you certainly can.

This will be a process. We are called to transform by the renewing of our minds. It’s time to transform and renew. It’s time to shift your mindset. This may require letting go of some old thinking patterns. This may require a new friend group that encourages you and believes what you do. Changing your mindset is not easy. This may be one of the most challenging steps, but that’s why it’s first. Your mindset will set the tone for your entire existence, not just about dating and marriage.

Who are You?

Changing your mindset will naturally lead to the next question, who are you as a person? I’m not asking what have you accomplished in your life? Do not list your titles and accolades. I’m talking about the person under all of that. Are you kind? Encouraging? Supportive? Are you the type of person you would want in your life? The life of your child? Self-assess and correct. Make sure you have what you’re asking for.

Now, I’m not telling you to condemn yourself. Self-assessment doesn’t have anything to do with thinking negatively about yourself. You are a child of The Most High. You are still valuable and precious in His sight. See yourself as He sees you.  Begin to think about yourself in the same way that He thinks of you. Look at yourself in the same light as God. This way you won’t accept anything less than God’s best because you’ll see that’s exactly what you are too.

Calling

Being who God called you to be will inevitably attract the type of man you want to be with. I believe with all my heart that walking confidently in God’s will is going to lead to the man your heart desires. No more Ishmaels, only Isaacs from here on out. That’s God’s promise. God’s word accomplishes exactly what it was sent to do. The only question is do you believe it? How can God do what He needs to do if you not believe He will do it? It’s impossible to please God without faith. So, in faith make a plan to get that man. Don’t use waiting on God as an excuse to sit still and do nothing. 

My Plan

Your plan should include God in every aspect. What goals do you have? What measurable action steps are you taking? I’m not one to share something and not do it, so here’s a snippet of my marriage plan.

  1. Specific Goal: Marriage
  2. Measurable: 
    1. Two dates per month 
    2. Speak to and converse with at least 3 new men per week
    3. Pray/journal for my husband every day
  3. Attainable: I take public transit to and from work and I am on at least 2 dating apps. I can attain the goal of speaking to and conversing with 3 new men per week.
  4. Realistic: I will have to push myself out of my comfort zone to get this, but it will be done.
  5. Timebound: Marriage by 36 years old

There are a lot more details in my plan, but I want to give you an idea to let you know you are not alone. I’m working on my mindset and seeing myself as God sees me. I pray and ask God to help me walk more confidently in my calling so that I can be prepared for everything that He has for me. I read and listen to His word so that my faith may increase. Life isn’t all about getting a man. I’m still pursuing other goals in God with the same vigor and specificity. This plan is the work I’m putting behind my faith for marriage. A plan will work in other areas of our lives too.

When it’s all said and done remember Valentine’s Day is just a day. We got through this one just like we have gotten through all the other ones. Valentine’s Day does not determine our self-worth or our value as women. The lack of romantic interest on Valentine’s Day or on any day does not diminish anything about us. We are still strong, loving, and amazing women. Keep pressing forward and remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything! 

Recommended Resources

www.singleinchrist.org/dating-slump

Single Girl’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

Frustrated Woman

Situationship

Posted on January 31, 2020

Transparency moment: I tripped and fell into a full-blown situationship. Now, for those of you who haven’t heard, a situationship is the space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship. In other words, it’s nothing tangible. It doesn’t represent anything. This word was created because that’s the only way to describe it. It’s not a relationship but it’s also not a friendship. It is that in-between stage where feelings are involved but no rules apply. It’s a horrible spot. So, how did I get there?

How I Fell

I finally am free of this whateverness that I dealt with for a year. I was warned, told, and flat out shown that he was not my husband. That feeling in my gut said no, but I ignored the red flags. I thought he could maybe be the one with time. All along I couldn’t commit. In the back of my mind, I wondered if this was for me or if he was for me. God told me long ago I’d marry and I’d know when I met him. So when people told me I was their wife along the way, I knew they were lying. This situationship started differently though, he had me questioning if my intuition was off.

He said and did all the right things until he didn’t. It was gradual. So gradual in fact that I didn’t even notice things were different until all the niceties that drew me in completely stopped. I then realized I operated under the assumption that things would get back to normal. The calls, dates, and hand-holding would resume. They didn’t. I thought the long meaningful conversations would return. They stopped happening altogether. It turned into a situationship.

The Break-Up

I called it out, I said I wanted more and would walk away from this nothingness. He stepped it up for a little while then it turned right back into a complicated situationship. See, I had no real right to demand more because we weren’t in a relationship, but my feelings were definitely involved at that point. So, now I have to break up with someone I’m not even with. How does that work? I tried 3 good times before it stuck. Each time the “break up” didn’t work it was my fault. I would respond to a text or answer a call and it would start all over again. This last time I was determined to let it go. I said my goodbye and blocked him. Hey, sometimes you have to do it. I wholeheartedly believe in the blocked ministry. Not only did I block him on my phone, but on all social media as well. Then I deleted the text thread and his number from my phone.

The End

That last part hurt a little. It was the end of my holding on to something I knew I was supposed to let go of a long time ago. While it hurt, it was also freeing. There was a sweet release in finally being obedient to God. How much better could I have felt if I was obedient immediately? Where would my life be now had I been obedient immediately and followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit as soon as I heard it? I can’t say. All I know now is that God certainly wants what’s best for me. I also know that I’m willing to follow His lead in order to obtain it. I’m worth God’s best. There will not be another situationship in my future. There will only be God’s destiny. His will shall prevail in my life. This time I’m willing to obey.

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness!

Kim

Recommended Resources

Dating and Courting

Singleness

dating slump

Dating Slump

Posted on January 18, 2020

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Lately, I’ve been in a dating slump. I’m tired of the dating process.  Each step takes so much energy and time. It’s an exhausting thing. Let’s break it down.

The Meet-Cute

You know that first time you meet someone whether online or in public? In movies, it’s called a ” meet-cute.” It’s a scene where two people may eventually form a future romantic couple meets for the first time. Usually under humorous or ” cute ” circumstances. That hasn’t necessarily been my experience in real life but let’s roll with it. You meet a guy and you two hit it off. Laughter, flirtatious conversation, and the exchange of telephone numbers commence. Y’all are really feeling each other. You depart and then is the next stage. There’s no real energy exerted during the meet-cute because it’s natural and easy. You’re usually enjoying the moment. Plus, you don’t know this man. There’s no real reason to be stressed.

Getting to Know You

After the meet-cute is the getting to know you stage. At this point is where the dating fatigue usually sets in for me. Here come the same old questions that you always hear. When’s your birthday? What’s your favorite color? etc… Tired of the same old questions I found a list of interesting questions online to shake things up a bit. However, my attempt failed. I found that a lot of men were resistant. I even explained to one man why I ask the questions. Only to get the response “Oh.”

Sir, that’s it? Nothing else? No interesting questions in response? Oh ok, onto the next. Which is why I’m in this dating slump. I’m tired of it. I know I have to power through this, but I don’t even have the energy for that. I desire marriage but this dating thing is for the birds. I’m quickly approaching apathy.

Apathy

I’ m not excited to date at all anymore. The fun has been sucked out by all of the lackluster conversations I’ve had lately. Now, I know I’ m partly to blame. In the beginning, dating was actually fun. I had a good time and enjoyed being out meeting new people. Somewhere along the line, it became a chore. It became a routine song and dance and I fell into the lull of monotony. As my interest waned so did the energy and quality of men I met. It’s a vicious cycle.

People have suggested that when I meet “the one” it will be different, that the dating slump will be over. Maybe I’ll have the same attitude and he’ll be turned off. Or, maybe he’ll see through the apathy and push to be with me. I have no idea. What  I do know is that every time I feel this apathy and frustration with anything in my life, it means that I have been relying on my own strength. In this journey, I started thinking I could do it on my own. Obviously I cannot. My own way has led to exhaustion and frustration. I need to rely on God.

Time with God

This slump extends to more than one area of my life. I feel exhausted, lost, and unenthused. Therefore, I need to spend more time with Him. I literally cannot do this on my own. His wisdom and spirit must guide my every decision; especially who I want to date. I want to date and eventually be married so I have to rely on God to show me who to date.  Fun fact, a long time ago I asked God to hold my heart in His hands and only give it to the man who asked Him for it. Since then, I have snatched my heart back so many times and given it to whoever I deemed worthy. Only consulting God on a few occasions.

It’s finally time to leave my heart in His hands. It’s finally time to leave my entire life in His hands. I’m going to pray and praise my way out of this slump. On the dating front, I’m going to take things a little slowly. I’ll take my time and seek God for real. Honestly, what’s the rush? I’ve already waited this long, might as well keep going and see what’s on the other side of my prayerful obedience.

The Journey

I’m not sure of the specifics, but I know I’ll be married to a wonderful man one day. I’ll tell him about my journey and we’ll laugh together. Then we’ll thank God for bringing us together. It’s all working for my good. Every straight-faced LOL and all of the repetitive questions will help me to get to my destination in God. Through Him, I can renew my mindset and perspective on dating. I’m coming out of this dating slump! I’m coming out of this life slump! I know that God will be with me every step of the way.

Thanks for joining me on a journey through singleness.

-Kim

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Lessons Learned

10 Lessons from the Last Decade

Posted on January 4, 2020

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1. I Can Accomplish Anything

I passed the bar on the first attempt. Up until that point, it was one of the most challenging things I had done. It was daunting. My entire career hinged on me passing this one test. But I did it. After 3 years of law school and an entire summer spent studying, I passed the bar. That let me know I can do anything.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

2. Not to Lean On My Own Understanding

Life doesn’t always go according to the plan I’ve laid out, but God has a better plan. It took me a long time to find a job that I actually wanted to do. I found out very quickly that being an attorney wasn’t it. Honestly, I’m still learning exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, but I know I can’t rely on my own understanding to figure it out. God’s wisdom and revelation helped me when I didn’t know where to go or what to do. It’s always best to lean on Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

3. I Have Permission to Feel Without Being Led by My Emotions

This is something I learned about myself over the years. If something isn’t going my way or I don’t feel like doing it. I quit. I allowed my emotions to rule and lead me. I would quit something in a heartbeat. So, one of the things I want to leave in the last decade is being led by my emotions. It’s ok to feel, but I must remain sober-minded. I have to make decisions based on what God says and not solely on how I feel.

1 Peter 5:8 (ESV) Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

4. I Can Love Jesus and Still Go to Therapy

2012-2016 was wild. So many things happened. I ended a 5-year relationship. I lost my confidence and hope. I became confused, distrusting, distant, thought I was unlovable. It was a dark time. I remember my mind be cloudy and thinking it would always be this way. So, I talked to my pastor at the time and he recommended therapy. It was eye-opening. I always thought therapy was for crazy people. I was resistant at first because I was taught all I needed was prayer and Jesus, but I wasn’t given any practical tools to allow Jesus’ transformative power to really work in my life. Therapy gave me those tools. I still use those tools to this day to help me use God’s word to work through life’s issues.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV) We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God…


5. I’m Loved and God Wants What’s Best for Me

 I went through a period where I felt so unloved. I felt incapable of giving or receiving love. God showed me in a dream how much He really loved me. I realized at that point that He loved me since the foundations of the earth and nothing will ever separate His love from me.

Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

6. Prayer Changes Me

The more I pray, the more my heart changes. Where I was once hard, I am now soft. Prayer increases my faith, prepares me for situations, helps me to defeat temptation, and allows me to see God’s power in the life of others. It doesn’t always change the situation, but it certainly changes the way I view a situation. 

Philippians 4:6–7 (ESV) do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


7. My Words Have Power

This past decade I started speaking affirmations over myself. I would say them silently, out loud, looking at myself in the mirror. The point is I would say them. The more I said those words, the more I would believe it. At first, I said positive quotes found on Pinterest. Then I incorporated more scripture as I started studying God’s word. The more I spoke God’s word over my life, the more I would see His word manifesting in my life. It’s amazing to see how a day would turn out based on what I said to my self that morning. 

Proverbs 18:21 (KJV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

8. Money Management

I got out of consumer debt. It was hard. I had to say no to a lot of trips and outings so I could place myself in a better financial situation. Managing money wisely provides more choices. Now, I can say yes to trips and going out because I know the money is there. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not debt-free, but I am closer than I was before. I can actually see the end and I believe this decade I will be able to say I owe no man.

For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” — Matthew 13:11–12, RSV.

9. My Story is My Story

I spent a lot of time looking at other people and trying to emulate what they did in order to obtain the success they had. It never worked out for me. I have to walk the path God set out for me. My story will be just as beautiful and it will work because it’s what God ordained for me.

Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.


10. Faith With Works is Alive!

I accomplished a lot in the last half of the decade by simply putting a little work behind my faith. I was able to travel, buy a home, and land a great job, all because I believed what God said and was willing to put in the work to see it manifest on this side of heaven. 

James 2:26 (NIV) As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.