Category:

Mercy

Dating Grace

Dating Grace

Posted on May 11, 2020

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It’s been less than 2 years since I’ve committed to seriously dating, so I’m giving myself dating grace. What does dating grace mean? In this context, it means having compassion and room to learn and grow without condemnation. Instead of putting pressure on myself to have the perfect dating life, I decided to celebrate where and I am and the progress I’ve made so far.

Where I Started

I took a break from dating for 6 years. So, when I decided to finally jump back into the dating arena I was super rusty. I was so nervous I couldn’t look a man in the eye. I turned and walked in the opposite direction when I saw an attractive man. Needless to say, but I was trash at dating. To overcome my nervousness, I intentionally smiled at every man I saw. Once I conquered looking at men, I had to start speaking to them.

See, I had a mumble mouth when it came to men. I stuttered and stumbled on words so much that I abandoned conversation altogether. Since my conversational skills were lacking, I came up with date questions so that the conversation could flow. If I got nervous, I asked a question. It took time to keep a conversation flowing. As a result, I would never get beyond a first date.  Yet, I persisted despite the rejection.

Rejection

As my confidence, conversational, and flirtation skills improved I got asked out again. While I saw this as a major accomplishment, I still feared rejection. Let’s be real, rejection is not a fun part of life. People tell you no all the time. Since most of my dating interactions ended after the first date, I learned to accept rejection for what it is and what it isn’t. I learned that rejection isn’t necessarily a reflection of me. It’s just a part of the process. Not only will I deal with rejection, but I will also be the one rejecting others. 

This was an uncomfortable emotion for me. I still tend to avoid things and people for fear of rejection. However, I decided to move forward despite the fear.  Although rejection is a real possibility, I won’t let it stop me anymore. 

Where I Am Now

I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken to conquer fear and learn new skills to improve my dating life. These skills help me in other areas as well. Appreciating where I am, even though I’m not where I want to be, is something I don’t do often enough. I usually beat myself up for not being farther along. My mind plays out every past mistake and wrong turn. Weirdly, dating helped me receive the grace that God offers so freely. It’s allowed me to see that my past doesn’t define me. I don’t live under condemnation. So, now it’s time to extend the same grace to me. 

At the End of the Day

Progress is better than perfection. I’m taking life one intentional step at a time. The lessons I learned extend beyond dating to life in general. I’m trusting God more and more with each step. Accepting His will for my life isn’t easy. I love having control, but surrendering to Him is the best decision I ever made. I’m excited about the future He has for me. While I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far, I have no updates in the dating world. Although there aren’t any updates, God’s promises are still yes and amen. I’m holding tight to that.

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

Kim

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A right relationship

A Right Relationship

Posted on April 27, 2020

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A friend recently asked me what is my goal as a Christian? The first thing that popped into my mind was a right relationship with God. But what does that look like for me? How can I have a relationship with God and not the same old traditional religion I’m used to?

Religion

For a long time, I thought the key to having the right relationship with God was to put a lot of effort into my works. I committed myself to the works of the church but never developed a real relationship with God beyond that. In retrospect, that’s legalistic and religious. God doesn’t desire me to be a performance Christian. He desires my heart and mind. He wants me not my behavior.

But, I decided that to be a good Christian all I needed to do was churchy things. I regularly went to church, tithed, and did other church work. However, my spirit yearned for more. Doing all the churchy things wasn’t enough. I wanted His presence to be with me every day, not only Sunday. Shouting and being filled with the Holy Spirit in a church is great, but I want to experience His spirit always. I want to dwell in His presence forever.

Relationship

To develop a true relationship with God I am changing my mindset and evaluating myself. A personal relationship with God requires that I spend time and communicate with Him. I must also see myself as He sees me.  Part of the reason why I didn’t experience the relationship I wanted is that I didn’t believe I deserved it. I didn’t believe what God said about me. Now I know that I am the daughter of the King. I am forgiven. I’m rescued and redeemed. I’m clean and in right standing with God. 

Yet, I still struggle with believing His promises are for me.  I pray and study His word, but there is still doubt. So, I put together plans and steps to obtain the desires of my heart. I let God in a little but retained some control by sticking steadfastly to my plan. I tried to put work behind my faith without fully surrendering my heart to God. He’ll place the desires in my heart, but first I have to give him my heart. To wholly surrender I must first believe. It’s impossible to please God without faith. 

Belief

The thing is, I want to believe. There’s no problem with me believing God for other people. I will pray and speak life over others and see God move in their life just like I knew He would. However, I know in my head He’ll come through for me, but I make a backup plan just in case. God, I want to let go and trust you fully, but I don’t know the way. So, I pray and consume the things of God. I put so much of Him and His word in me that there will be no room for doubt or unbelief. 

Reality Check

I may be putting too much pressure on myself. I’ve been known to overthink and complicate simple matters. My relationship with God means so much to me and I want a relationship with Him. I want to be with Him on earth and in heaven. Thankfully, my faith is getting stronger every day. He’s given me the desire to pursue Him and spend more time with Him. I give Him every thought that doesn’t line up with His word. This is only the beginning. I’m grateful that He’s still calling my name and I’m willing to obey.

Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

Kim

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Lessons Learned

10 Lessons from the Last Decade

Posted on January 4, 2020

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1. I Can Accomplish Anything

I passed the bar on the first attempt. Up until that point, it was one of the most challenging things I had done. It was daunting. My entire career hinged on me passing this one test. But I did it. After 3 years of law school and an entire summer spent studying, I passed the bar. That let me know I can do anything.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

2. Not to Lean On My Own Understanding

Life doesn’t always go according to the plan I’ve laid out, but God has a better plan. It took me a long time to find a job that I actually wanted to do. I found out very quickly that being an attorney wasn’t it. Honestly, I’m still learning exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, but I know I can’t rely on my own understanding to figure it out. God’s wisdom and revelation helped me when I didn’t know where to go or what to do. It’s always best to lean on Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

3. I Have Permission to Feel Without Being Led by My Emotions

This is something I learned about myself over the years. If something isn’t going my way or I don’t feel like doing it. I quit. I allowed my emotions to rule and lead me. I would quit something in a heartbeat. So, one of the things I want to leave in the last decade is being led by my emotions. It’s ok to feel, but I must remain sober-minded. I have to make decisions based on what God says and not solely on how I feel.

1 Peter 5:8 (ESV) Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

4. I Can Love Jesus and Still Go to Therapy

2012-2016 was wild. So many things happened. I ended a 5-year relationship. I lost my confidence and hope. I became confused, distrusting, distant, thought I was unlovable. It was a dark time. I remember my mind be cloudy and thinking it would always be this way. So, I talked to my pastor at the time and he recommended therapy. It was eye-opening. I always thought therapy was for crazy people. I was resistant at first because I was taught all I needed was prayer and Jesus, but I wasn’t given any practical tools to allow Jesus’ transformative power to really work in my life. Therapy gave me those tools. I still use those tools to this day to help me use God’s word to work through life’s issues.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV) We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God…


5. I’m Loved and God Wants What’s Best for Me

 I went through a period where I felt so unloved. I felt incapable of giving or receiving love. God showed me in a dream how much He really loved me. I realized at that point that He loved me since the foundations of the earth and nothing will ever separate His love from me.

Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

6. Prayer Changes Me

The more I pray, the more my heart changes. Where I was once hard, I am now soft. Prayer increases my faith, prepares me for situations, helps me to defeat temptation, and allows me to see God’s power in the life of others. It doesn’t always change the situation, but it certainly changes the way I view a situation. 

Philippians 4:6–7 (ESV) do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


7. My Words Have Power

This past decade I started speaking affirmations over myself. I would say them silently, out loud, looking at myself in the mirror. The point is I would say them. The more I said those words, the more I would believe it. At first, I said positive quotes found on Pinterest. Then I incorporated more scripture as I started studying God’s word. The more I spoke God’s word over my life, the more I would see His word manifesting in my life. It’s amazing to see how a day would turn out based on what I said to my self that morning. 

Proverbs 18:21 (KJV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

8. Money Management

I got out of consumer debt. It was hard. I had to say no to a lot of trips and outings so I could place myself in a better financial situation. Managing money wisely provides more choices. Now, I can say yes to trips and going out because I know the money is there. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not debt-free, but I am closer than I was before. I can actually see the end and I believe this decade I will be able to say I owe no man.

For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” — Matthew 13:11–12, RSV.

9. My Story is My Story

I spent a lot of time looking at other people and trying to emulate what they did in order to obtain the success they had. It never worked out for me. I have to walk the path God set out for me. My story will be just as beautiful and it will work because it’s what God ordained for me.

Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.


10. Faith With Works is Alive!

I accomplished a lot in the last half of the decade by simply putting a little work behind my faith. I was able to travel, buy a home, and land a great job, all because I believed what God said and was willing to put in the work to see it manifest on this side of heaven. 

James 2:26 (NIV) As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

Keep The Faith Part 2

Posted on July 20, 2018

Last week I posted about an encounter I had with an older woman who lost her faith in being married. The reason her story resonated with me is that I was once in that place. My faith in God wavered in many areas especially the area of getting married.

I feared that I would marry the wrong person. I convinced myself that I would marry an unfaithful man that really didn’t like me. I couldn’t shake the fear that I would marry this awful man who fooled me in the beginning and then revealed his true nature after marriage.

I thought if this is what I’m destined for, why get married at all? Why should I hope and have faith in God for something that would destroy me? I decided to just be that great friend who is always single or that fantastic aunt that gives her nieces and nephews the best gifts because she didn’t have any kids of her own.

I suspect the fear came from past relationships where I felt it started out wonderfully, then turned horrible. I couldn’t see anything else for myself. I forgot that faith isn’t about what I see. That fear developed into doubt. I didn’t trust God. I didn’t believe He could do what He promised.

I convinced myself that I didn’t even want a husband or kids. There weren’t any male prospects around me. I felt really lonely and bad about myself. I lost hope. I stopped praying because I didn’t think God heard me. I honestly thought He was punishing me for mistakes I made in the past. Instead of turning to God and casting my cares on Him so He can exalt me at the proper time, I turned to myself. I created a vision for my life that didn’t include the will of God.

I lost hope for the better part of a year. I literally felt like His grace left me. I felt like I was on my own, forever. It was a terrible feeling.  I doubted Him and forgot His promises. I forgot that He told me that I will be a wife and mother. I forgot He told me that grace is a gift from Him that I can’t earn. I forgot that nothing can separate me from His love. I forgot that the will of God is pleasing, good, and perfect. I forgot that the blessings of the Lord make me rich and won’t give me any sorrow.  I lost sight of Him. I allowed my emotions to rule me.

Instead of loving God with all of my mind, heart, and soul, I loved only myself. I put on the appearance of a Christian without living the lifestyle. I know all the churchy buzzwords to make it seem like I’m fantastic. Thank God that He knows my heart. He knew the pain and hopelessness I felt. He restored me. He gave me an unshakable faith in Him by sending people to speak life over me.

He sent His people to remind me of His promises. He told me that marriage is in His will for my life. He told me that I will be happy and loved. He told me that I am lovable. He told me that I will be a mother. He told me that He didn’t give me the spirit of fear. I chose to believe Him. I asked Him for forgiveness and to renew my mind. Renewal is a process.

I still have to tell myself daily that I trust in the Lord and in His timing. I still have to tell myself that I am a wife and mother. Notice that I use the present tense. I have to see myself as God sees me. He sees my entire future and I believe that in His perfect timing I will be a wife and mother. I believe that I am and will be happy.

I see now that loving and trusting God is a daily (or more often) choice. I choose to trust Him. I choose to pray and be honest about how I’m feeling. I choose to have daily affirmations that remind me of His promises for my life. I choose to remain in fellowship with those that speak life over me and remind me to keep God first.

If you have ever lost hope, my prayer is that this encourages you to seek God. Be honest with how and why you’re feeling the way you are. God hasn’t left you. He’s not punishing you for anything. I pray you are able to feel how much He loves you. I pray He sends angels to encircle you and encourage you. I pray that you surround yourself with people who will speak life into you if you’re struggling to believe. I’m a living witness that you can be restored. Your faith can increase. I pray that you are encouraged and continue to keep the faith.

Heavenly Father,

I praise You in advance for Your will being done in our lives. Thank You for every promise that You have spoken over us. I choose to cast down doubt and fear and live in the power and love that You have given us. I choose to trust You, Lord. I choose to seek You diligently. I choose to put You first in every area of my life. Renew our mind,  Lord. Help us to have the attitude and mind of Christ. Thank You Holy Spirit, for leading and guiding us into all truth. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Mark 11:22-24 (NIV)

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Insecurities

Posted on April 20, 2018

Ever since I was a small child I have struggled with insecurities. I don’t remember if it was one specific event or a series of events, but as far back as I can remember I’ve been very insecure. I remember thinking I was ugly and unwanted. I felt like if I disappeared no one would care or even be affected. I battled these feelings until my mid to late twenties.

As a result of my insecurities and feelings of worthlessness, I closed myself off. I became a loner and a people pleaser so that I wouldn’t get hurt. I never got too close to anyone because I didn’t want to feel the pain of rejection. The people I let get a little closer to me, I constantly tried to please.

I didn’t want my assumptions about people to be correct. I didn’t want to be hurt or rejected. The only way I knew how to not be hurt was to distance myself from people. I kept everyone at least an arm’s length distance from me. Which is just close enough for me to have the illusion of a relationship, but still far away enough that they wouldn’t know me enough to hurt me.

I felt like people never really understood me. But looking back, how could they? I was caught in this vicious cycle of longing for acceptance and understanding, but too fearful of the hurt to allow someone close enough to accept or understand me. This cycle went on for years. I just couldn’t seem to break it. In my early twenties, I accepted the fact that this would be my life.

Mind you I have been in church all of my life. I should have known the promises of God. I should have known what He thinks about me and how much He loves me. But I didn’t. That’s my own fault. I had access to the King and His kingdom my entire life but I didn’t take advantage. I didn’t put in the effort to simply enter in and experience His grace and loving mercy. I didn’t take the time to get to know God through our Savior and bask in His presence.

So I kept battling these insecurities and feelings of low self-esteem. Then came college. I thought that this would be the best opportunity for me to start over. I moved to a new place where people didn’t know me and I could hide how I really felt about myself. I put on a brave face and pretended like I was confident.

It worked for a while, at least I thought so. Looking back, I still had insecure tendencies. I still craved the acceptance of people. I still sought to please people in order to gain their approval. Those same thoughts and feelings were still lurking under the surface.

Though I presented to the world that I was confident, I think my new found freedom helped me to mask those feelings of insecurity better. No healing had taken place. No true deliverance occurred. I just became a master at pushing what I really felt down and away. I was living a facade.

Those deep-seeded feeling of insecurity and low self-esteem caused me to make bad decisions. I was making life decisions from a wounded place. My need for approval and my hurt and pain from perceived rejection got me into some pretty sticky situations. It’s only by the grace of God that I didn’t end up diseased, pregnant, or seriously injured.

By this time I’m nearing the end of college and I get into this relationship. I thought that this would be the answer to everything. I thought this relationship would finally heal me. Needless to say, it didn’t. The relationship only exposed my false confidence and it brought up all those insecurities I tried to hide. When someone wants to be that close to you, it’s hard to keep on the mask.

Fast forward five years and the relationship is over. I was alone, aloof, and distraught. I spiraled deeper and deeper into the already dark and discouraged recesses of my mind. I allowed those feelings to take a stronghold in my life and believed they were true. I believed what those thoughts said about me.

At this time when I envisioned my future, I saw a dark and lonely place. I saw a literal cloud hanging above me for the rest of my life. I didn’t think anything would ever lift me from this fog. I actually believed that there was no hope for me. That’s when I had my come to Jesus moment.

Through much prayer, tears, and counseling I learned how to fight against those thoughts. I learned that I don’t have to push the thoughts and feelings down. I have permission to feel. I can feel them and then push them away. Just because the thought came doesn’t mean it has to stay. I have control over what happens in my mind.

Though less frequent, the thoughts do still come. But instead of dwelling on them and believing them, I tell myself the truth about who I am and about whose I am.  I have a wall of affirmations that I say aloud every day. I put them up in my room, on my computer at work, and on my phone so that I have a constant reminder.

I admit I didn’t believe them at first. I had to say them with tears streaming down my face, but I still said them. I repeated these affirmations over and over until I received them in my heart. I often say them while I’m looking in the mirror because I need to see myself saying something positive about me. The affirmations remind me that I am somebody and my hope and confidence are in Jesus.

Here are a few of the affirmations I say daily:

I decree and declare that my words have power.

I believe that which I speak will manifest.

I speak with expectation.

I am more than a conqueror through Jesus.

I am smart, beautiful, and I make wise decisions.

I trust God and His timing.

I am happy, whole, and confident in the woman God has created me to be.

I am worthy.

I am valuable.

I am loved, loving, and lovable.

I have a lot more on my wall of affirmation. Reaching this point didn’t happen overnight. I started with a few affirmations that I would say and now I have 4 poster boards full. That old pain helped to push me into my purpose. It pushed me closer to God.

Your testimony may be different than mine, but I’m here to tell you that there is an after this. Seek God and He will provide healing and restoration. He rewards those that diligently seek Him. Your sense of self should not depend on what the world says you are or aren’t. Your self-esteem should only come from who you are in Christ.

Our Father,

Allow us to see who we are in You. Do not let us be fooled or tricked by the enemy. We believe what You say about us. We believe that we are etched in the palm of Your hand. We believe that we are loved and that nothing will ever separate us from Your love. We believe that You have deemed us worthy and valuable and that You do not lie. Thank You, God, for deliverance, healing, and restoration. Thank You, for making our stone hearts into flesh. Help us be confident in who we are in You.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Luke 12:7 (ESV)

Why even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Check out the latest podcast episode: Insecurities

Resurrection Weekend

Posted on March 30, 2018

There will be no official post this week. I challenge you to spend this Resurrection Weekend becoming more intimate with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There are some scriptures listed below. Please take some time out this weekend to read them and know just how much Jesus sacrificed for us.

“As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples…’” Mark 16:5-7

“He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’” Luke 24:6-7

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.” Matt. 28:6

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live,” John 11:25

“And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.”  1 Cor. 6:14

“We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.” Romans 6:4-5

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,” 1 Pet. 1:3

“For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” John 6:40

“For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” 1 Thess. 4:14

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.” Rom. 8:11

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last, he will stand upon the earth…” Job 19:25

“That you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” Eph. 1:18-21

“That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,” Phil. 3:10

“He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.” 1 Cor. 15:4

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” 1 Pet. 1:3-4

“And with great power, the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all.” Acts 4:33

“Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Rom. 6:8-11

“And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit.” Rom. 1:4

“Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” Romans 8:34

“He will swallow up death in victory, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces.” Isaiah 25:8

“For as by a man came death, by a man has come to the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive.” 1 Corinthians 15:21-22

“We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.” Romans 6:9

“He was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.” Romans 4:25

“Having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.” Col. 2:12

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9*

 

 

 

 

*Taken from 25 Resurrection Scriptures to Celebrate: He Has Risen!

 

Online Dating

Posted on March 23, 2018

Is Online Dating wrong for Christians? Not necessarily. But, let me tell you my story.

Back in the summer of 2015 on the advice of some friends I joined an online dating site.
Before I joined I always said I don’t think I’m going to meet my husband online. I just never felt that way. I joined anyway.

I went on my first online date in the summer of 2015. Although I was super nervous, the date went well. He was a gentleman. He walked me to my car and pulled out my chair. After the date, we even continued to talk, but it eventually fizzled out.

After that, there were a series of guys I talked to online. Nothing really ever came from those interactions either. After talking to a guy and it not working out, I would always go back to feeling like I’m not even supposed to be online dating in the first place.

I felt like it was a distraction from what I was really supposed to be doing and a waste of time. Yet, I persisted. I wanted to give online dating a real shot because some of my friends met really good guys from online dating.

I mean really good Christian guys and some were even getting married to these men they met online.

Even though I persisted, I always had a little tugging in my spirit saying that this isn’t really for me. By this time it is late 2016. I tell myself that if I’m going to do this, I will try out a paid online dating site. So I take my profile down from the free site and pay real actual dollars to meet men online.

I met a few men, and I went on a date with 2 of them. The first one was bad.He basically said that all he wanted was sex. I said thanks for being honest but Nah.The next date I went on was the worst date of my life.

After that date, I decided to take a break. I took down every profile and sat myself down.Here are some lessons I learned from my experience of online dating:

Although online dating by itself is not sinful, it’s not for me.

1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.”

I could have been in a very different place in my life had I just listened to the Holy Spirit. There is no telling what my life would be like right now.

I’m not going to beat myself up about it though because Romans 8:1 says, “so now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

I’m not condemned for my mistakes. I’m forgiven and through God’s mercy and grace, I have another chance to do it right.
I learned to listen to and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:16 says, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
Had I been following the direction of the Holy Spirit I would have saved myself some time, money, and headache.

Ultimately what I want is for God to be glorified in my waiting, dating, and marriage.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

I have to make sure that all of my decisions and actions give God the glory. That definitely wasn’t happening when I was online dating. My motive was to find a husband, not to glorify God.

So is online dating wrong?

Not necessarily. But for me, it is, at least for right now. As I said before, I’m deciding to be more open to whatever God has for me and if He tells me to go online then that’s what I’ll do.The most important thing is to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and make sure God is getting the glory out of everything.

Online dating may not be wrong for you. But don’t try to match anyone else’s story. God has written a unique and amazing story for each and every one of us. They all don’t have to be the same.

Some may meet their husband or wife online, some may meet them at Walmart. Just follow God. He’ll tell you what’s right or wrong.

Our Father,

God, I come to You asking that I allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me into all truth. I ask that the desires of my heart match Your will for me. Let me not be distracted. Let every decision I make and every action I take be for Your glory. Thank You, God, for forgiveness. Help me to not relive old mistakes, but keep pressing forward in You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

 

Check out my latest podcast episode: Is Online Dating Wrong?

 

 

 

What’s On the Other Side of Obedience?

Posted on February 16, 2018

Have you ever wondered what’s on the other side of obedience? What would happen if we all obeyed God like we say we want to? What would our life look like? What would the world look like?

Seeing the results of our obedience starts with us being obedient to God and His commands. How can we do this? How can we be more obedient to God? First, we must love Him. John 14:15 says, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” Do you love God? If your answer is yes, then I urge you to examine how obedient you are to His commandments. This is a tough area for me personally because I’m not always obedient to what God says to do. That’s why I’m so thankful for His grace and mercy. I’m thankful that He never gives up on me. I’m grateful that I get more than one chance to be obedient. He shows His love to me by giving me life every single day. All I have to do to show my love to God is to be obedient to Him.

As Christians, we should always look to Christ as an example of how we should obey. In Philippians Paul encourages us to have the attitude of Christ.  Philippians 2:6-8 says, “Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born a human being. When he appeared in human form, He humbled Himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”

In order to be obedient, we have to become more like Christ. We have to humble ourselves like Jesus did. Jesus gave up His divinity in order to save us. He gave up all of His privileges to be obedient to God. He didn’t think more highly of Himself than he could have. He wasn’t selfish. He was loving and compassionate. He worked with one purpose in mind, to obey His Father. In order to be obedient to God, we have to do exactly as Christ did. We have to lay down our own fleshly and selfish desires and put on the characteristics of Christ.  We have to know our purpose and pursue it. God isn’t asking us to make the ultimate sacrifice like Jesus did, He’s just asking us to put Him first and obey Him.

Once we obey God, what’s on the other side of obedience? 2 Chronicles 27:6 says, “King Jotham became powerful because he was careful to live in obedience to the LORD his God.” God gives us power when we are careful to live in obedience to Him. Ezekiel 20:13 says, “But the people of Israel rebelled against me, and they refused to obey my decrees there in the wilderness. They wouldn’t obey my regulations even though obedience would have given them life…” There is life on the other side of obedience. In this context, life means restoration, protection, and prosperity. Job 36:11 says, “If they listen and obey God, they will be blessed with prosperity throughout their lives. All their years will be pleasant.” On the other side of obedience is your blessing. On the other side of obedience is pleasantness. All of your years will be pleasant, not just some.

Let’s look back at Jesus. What was on the other side of His obedience?  Philippians 2:9-11says, ” Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names,  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Jesus was elevated and given honor. Once we are obedient to God, he will elevate and honor us when the time is right. Let’s not forget the best thing on the other side of obedience, eternal life. 1 Corinthians 9:25 says, “ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” We do this for an eternal prize. We obey for eternal life. We obey so that we can live forever in Heaven with our Father, God. On the other side of obeying God is restoration, protection, prosperity, blessing, pleasant years, power, honor, elevation, and most important eternal life in heaven. We get to live forever when we obey God.

Obeying God shouldn’t be about obtaining blessings and favor, although those are great things. We should obey God because He is good and what He has for us is always better than the alternative. God has done so much for us and all He asks in return is that we love Him and obey His commandments. Granted, that isn’t always easy. But why isn’t it easy when we see all that we get from obedience, not only in this life but also in the hereafter? Disobedience not only delays our destiny but the destiny of those people who need our  God-given gifts. We are needed in the earth. We all have a purpose from God and are needed to accomplish His will. If we don’t obey God, what’s on the other side of disobedience?

Judges 2:10-13 says, “After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths.” Disobedience arouses God’s anger. Disobedience is a sin. Sin always separates us from God. Sin caused Adam and Eve to run away from God. Sin caused the people of Israel to run to other gods. Sin disrupts our relationship with God. When we aren’t in right relationship with God, we are outside of His protection. Our prayers don’t reach Him as well as they used to. On the other side of disobedience is God’s anger and separation from Him. So, what’s keeping us from fully obeying God? 

What has kept me from fully obeying God is following my own selfish desires. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Which really means that I didn’t trust God enough to keep me. I didn’t trust that God would do what He promised. What’s keeping you from fully obeying God? Do you trust Him? Do you love Him? Is there another reason? This is the perfect time to go to God and ask Him to reveal to you what’s really keeping you from obeying Him. Once you get the answer, ask Him how to turn from that. He loves all of us so much that He will reveal Himself strong in your weak area. We don’t have to do it alone. God has given us His strength to accomplish those things we can’t do on our own. That thing you’ve been praying for is on the other side of your obedience. God’s promises are on the other side of your obedience. All you have to do is love Him and obey.

Our Father,

You are awesome! We see what you have done for all those who are obedient to You. Thank you for showing us love, kindness, and mercy throughout our disobedience. We love You, God, show us how to obey you completely. Reveal what is hindering us from fully submitting to You. We desire eternal life with You. Help us to put You first and love You more. Help us to put on the attitude of Christ. Be strong where we are weak Lord. We desire to be in right relationship with You God. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

1 Samuel 15:22  (NLT)

But Samuel replied,

“What is more pleasing to the Lord:
    your burnt offerings and sacrifices
    or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
    and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

Confessions of a Lonely Girl

Posted on January 5, 2018

Listen, I’m not trying to be alone forever. These cold and boring nights have me feeling lonely and in need of a companion. I decided to hop on Plenty of Fish and see what’s out there. I told myself that I’m not committing to anyone. I’ll just swipe through some pictures and go to sleep. Why do I lie to myself?

I log in to Plenty of Fish and I already have two messages. The first message is a legit paragraph about how I should overlook his gold fronts because he always accomplishes his goals and that he’s not about playing games so I should just get at him. Oh boy, here we go. I don’t make up my mind about him just yet. I need more information. 

I look at his profile, and his gold fronts are definitely prominent in every photo. He even has some whole body pictures. I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s not bad-looking and I can get over the gold fronts. I scroll down to read more about him and see that he’s 44 years old. Hold up, that’s a little beyond my age range, but I continue to read. 44 isn’t that old right? Then I see that he has 4 kids. The kids are probably grown too. Ugh, no thank you, sir.

Next message is literally two words, “Hey there.” Okay, so he isn’t much of a conversationalist. That’s fine. I can find something on his profile to spark a conversation. I head over to his profile and he seems cool. He’s cute, a Christian, 36, and doesn’t have any kids.

I message him back saying, “Hello, how are you?” He replies, “Good.” The conversation is starting off a little slow, but I keep going. I reply, “Do you enjoy being a tattoo artist?” He says, “It’s good.” I roll my eyes in frustration. That’s it? Don’t you have any questions for me? Are you forcing me to keep the conversation going? No thank you. I’ve gone down this road too many times and I don’t feel like it. I’m done. I log off.

Why do I do this? I know online dating isn’t for me. Why do I allow myself to go on there when it’s always so disappointing? When I’m bored and a little lonely it’s tempting to log in to some app or website and be distracted by men that I know aren’t my husband. It feels good to know I’m attractive. It’s so tempting just to settle for the old man with 4 kids or the one-word reply guy because they are available.

Those guys are always there. They are always ready. They are always willing. It’s easy to keep the conversation going and not be lonely. It’s easy to date an established gentleman to have a companion.  I can have someone if I set aside my standards. Just for a little while. That would be easy right?

Thankfully I snapped back to reality and gave praise to God because whatever He has for me is great. No matter how many men I look at online, He won’t allow me to settle. He’s put a desire in me that I refuse to let go. I don’t know when it will come, or what it will look like exactly, but I know God is faithful. He will do what He said.

This new year I’ve resolved to study and pray when I get bored and lonely. I’ve resolved to call up a friend that’s been on my mind so we can encourage each other. I’ve resolved to finally drop my Plenty of Fish account so there won’t be the temptation to go fishing. I’ve resolved to put God first and live righteously.

I’m determined to take what God has placed in me and serve. I still don’t want to be alone forever, but I’ve realized that I was never really alone in the first place. I have a wonderful Father that loves me dearly. I have friends and family that want the best for me. I don’t have to be a lonely girl anymore.

Our Father,

Thank You for renewing my mind. Help me to not worry about tomorrow. Help me to put You first in all things. Allow me to delight in You and Your word. Help me to serve You as never before. Give me the strength to cast down thoughts that come against Your word and Your will. You are my joy. You are my peace. I place my hope in You, God.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.