Category:

Love

The Real Me

Posted on October 6, 2017

I recently had a dream where God was swinging me around in His arms. As He was swinging me around I could see the entire earth. I could see the sky, mountains, seas, and meadows.  The view was absolutely breathtaking. Angels starting singing to me as I gazed upon the splendor of all He created. Their song was sweet and gave me great comfort. In the song, they called me His princess. I immediately started crying in the dream and asked God is that how He really sees me, as His princess? He answered yes and continued to swing me around the earth. I’ve never felt more loved, comforted, secure, protected, and happy. Then I woke up asking myself how can I make sure I always feel that way? How can I keep those feelings inside of my heart forever? Can I truly see myself as a princess, as God sees me?

I’ve always struggled with seeing myself as God sees me. Though I’ve gotten much better with casting down negative thoughts, they still sometimes haunt me. Occasionally thoughts still come that say I’m not worthy of love, I’m ugly, and no one wants to be around me. Then I tell myself who’s going to listen to you? You don’t have anything of value to say. You’re just a fraud.Why do you even bother? Even though I know those thoughts are lies, it’s hard not to believe something I’ve been hearing and telling myself for so long. That’s when I realized that these lies are keeping me from continuously experiencing the comforting and powerful presence of God. So, how can I make sure I see myself as God sees me? I definitely cannot do it on my own.  I have to turn to God.

I prayed for God to open my eyes to the truth of who I am in Him. He told me that I’m not fighting against flesh and blood. I have to fight lies with the truth.  He said that I am a princess. I am an heir to His kingdom and a co-heir with Christ.  I am a child of God and I’m beautiful. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. He said He cares so much about me that He numbered the hairs on my head. The truth is that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. The enemy has no authority. I’m seated in heavenly realms with God above every rule, authority, power, dominion, and every name that should be named, not only in this age but in the age to come. Armed with His truth, I should be able to stand firm against the attacks of the enemy right? I should feel renewed, comforted, and confident after God told me that I am all of that right? So why do those lies still haunt me? Why do I still have trouble believing what God says about me?

Is it that I don’t really believe He sees me that way? It’s been a constant struggle to accept the way God sees me. It’s been a process of constantly renewing my mind with His truth. Thank God I’m not where I used to be.  Thank Him that more days than not, I can see myself as a beloved princess. I no longer allow those negative thoughts, doubts, or fears to keep me from entering into His presence. In His presence is where I find the reassurance I so desperately need. I’m in awe of what He’s doing in my life. I’m so glad He sees me the way He does. I’m happy His love endures and I get to experience it daily. Renewing my mind and casting down negative thoughts is a priority for me. Letting go of lies I once held onto so dearly has been a painful yet rewarding process.  With God’s help, I will be totally free in my mind and be able to dwell in His presence forever. I’m finally starting to see who I really am. I am royalty and worthy of every good thing God has in store for me.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, God, for Your grace and mercy. You protect us and show us every day how awesome You are. Allow us to receive Your truth in our hearts right now God. Let not another minute pass with us seeing ourselves as anything less than wonderfully and fearfully made. Help us to not only see ourselves that way but to see others that way as well. Help us to be the light You’ve called us to be. You’re mighty and magnificent. We stand firm in Your truth against the tactics of the enemy. Help us to renew our minds and put on the mind of Christ as often as it takes to know Your truth for ourselves.

In Jesus’ name

Amen.

Psalm 139:14 (ESV)

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Ephesians 1:17-21  (ESV)

17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might 20 that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

 

Reflection

Posted on September 22, 2017

My birthday is soon and as I reflect back on this past year, I can’t help but get a little emotional. I’ll be 32 years old and I imagined that my life would be so different. I thought I would be married with at least 2 kids and the perfect house, job, and car. In reality, I don’t have any of those things. Not to say that I won’t have it someday, but my life is not turning out the way I expected. So, I asked God what’s wrong with me? I don’t necessarily feel like a failure, but I do believe I’m living below the promises of God. It’s quite frustrating. I want to be content in this season and hold on to the joy and peace I receive from God, but it’s hard to cuddle with peace at night. Sometimes I just want someone there to hold me, or to have the money to travel the world on a whim, but alas, here I am just living. 

So every year when my birthday rolls around, I take stock of my life. Where do I want to be? What do I need to do to get there? This year I don’t know. I have no idea where I should be or what I should be doing. I believe that I know my purpose, but how I do I pursue it? Next year at this time I want to be able to look back on my life and actually feel accomplished. Not that I don’t feel accomplished now, I just feel like something is missing. What is it? It can’t be God. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. It has to be me. Maybe I’m not praying enough, or maybe I’m not as faithful as I could be. God promised that he would give me the desires of my heart when I delight in Him. Perhaps I’m not delighting in Him as much as I should. Perhaps I still need to remove idols that are separating my heart from God and the promises He has for me. What more do I need to do? I truly desire God’s will for my life. I want to live for Him. I think I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. So, why does it seem like everyone else gets the promises of God and I’m over here twiddling my thumbs? I feel like time is ticking away. I’m trying to hold on, keep the faith, but some days it’s hard. What is one to do on days like this?

I have to be firm in the belief that God is for me and knows what I need and when I need it.  I have to trust Him. I know that I want His best for my life. So, for now, that means I wait. Someone once asked me what’s the hardest part of being single, and I said the wait. Not knowing when or where anything will happen, but still believing that it will. I think that’s one of the hardest things in life. Now that I’m waiting and believing, I have to put in the work. That’s where I’ve messed up in the past, not doing the necessary work. God’s promises are available to me I just have to go get them. I have to pray, be obedient, study to show myself approved, and have faith. It’s easy to say, but intentionally setting aside time to give to God every day hasn’t been so easy. Distractions are endless and excuses are plentiful. I have to be intentional about spending time with Him. I also have to be OK with letting God be God. Just because my life isn’t turning out the way I expected, doesn’t mean it’s not His best for me. I’m willing to take this time and do the work to grab hold of every one of His promises. I’m willing to wait. When I get weary, I’ll cast my cares on Him so He can give me rest.  When I’m having a hard day, I’ll rest assured in the fact that His grace is sufficient. I don’t have to worry or be anxious about anything because God’s got me.  Until I get those promises, I’m going to keep holding on to that joy and peace. I’m going to take comfort in the fact that next year, I’ll be a better person and more secure in God because I set aside my expectations and trusted Him enough to wait.

 

Our Father, thank You, for Your everlasting love. Help me to hold tight to it while I’m in this season. Search my heart Lord and clean it. Purify me so that I may be closer to You. When I’m feeling restless and tired, help me to cast my cares on You. Change my thought life so that I can think about things that are good, pure, holy, and praiseworthy. Increase my faith. Help me to trust in You more than ever. Let Your will be done in my life. Let my life be used for Your glory.

In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

Philippians 4:4-7 (NLT)

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

My Internal Battle

Posted on September 15, 2017

During certain times of the year, I start battling with myself. I start seeing people out having fun and start really questioning my life and walk with God. I think things like, I want God to use me, but I also want to do what I want to do. Is being holy really that important? God knows my heart and that I still love Him right?  I know He’s calling me to higher heights and deeper depths, but do I really have to lose my life to do that?  I’d like to go out and be with other people my age, but I don’t want to feel convicted. Why does my life have to look so markedly different? What’s the real cost of giving my life to Christ? Why does this worldly stuff seem so appealing?  Then I ask myself, what is it that I’m really after? Do I want God or do I want the world? There is no in-between.

The bottom line is if I really desire God and to glorify Him with my life, then I have to live for Him. I have to continuously choose Him. This means crucifying my flesh, dying to myself, picking up the cross, and following Christ. When I gave my life to Christ it meant that I no longer have to live in condemnation.  God’s forgiveness means my sins are removed from me as the east is from the west. Now that I’m counted as one of God’s children I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. I’ve finally found a real, totally encompassing love. I have an unspeakable joy and strength in Him that allows me to conquer every storm in life. I’m now surrounded by good, Godly people who support and encourage me. I also get to be in right-standing with God. I know He covers me. I know He sees me and cares for my every need. I finally found my purpose. So why is that old life still appealing?

Now that I’m far removed from the clubs, drinking, and one-night stands, why does it still seem to be so much fun? Why does that old life still hold influence over me? Especially since I remember the emptiness and shame I felt after waking up from a drunken night out with a sick stomach and over-drafted bank account. I still remember the awkwardness of trying to manipulate men into taking me out because I was broke and hungry.  Thinking back on it, those times weren’t so fun. I was exhausted, weary, and busted. I looked good on the outside, but my soul was withering away. I was in a constant search to fill the void I felt on the inside. I may have thought those times were fun in the moment, but the consequences of sin are not fun. The deliverance I needed from doing whatever, whenever, with whomever, is not fun. Sometimes I’m just like the Israelites begging to go back into bondage just because they knew what to expect.

Back then I walked by sight, now I’m doing my best to walk by faith. Honestly, that scares me a little sometimes. I don’t always know what’s going to happen, I just have to trust God. Trusting Him isn’t always easy. Then I remember God hasn’t failed me yet. Every time I decide to trust Him, He blows my mind. He always makes a way for me. He loves me and I love Him. In Him, I’m complete and actually happy.  I can’t go back to that old life.  I’ve decided to follow Jesus. I’m a new creature in Christ, the old me has passed away and look I’m new! So, when I start to feel those pangs of desire for that old thing, I just remember all that God has done for me. I think about the freedom I get to experience now that I’m no longer bound. God still has some work to do on me, but I’m happy to let Him do it.

Thank You, God, for liberating me. Thank You for taking me in dirty and helpless and making me clean and worthy of your Your love. God, You took my mess and gave me a message. Help me to live for you, Lord. Give me the strength to crucify my flesh daily, to look only to You for fulfillment. You are my guard and shield. You lovingly protect me from things seen and unseen. Thank You, God, that I am a new creature in You. I no longer have to be bound to sin. Thank You, Father, for the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Allow Him to continue to lead and guide me into all truth. Let me not lean to my own understanding, but acknowledge You in all my ways, so that You will make my paths straight. I choose You, God, every moment of every day, I choose You. 

In Jesus’ name.

Amen. 

 

Matthew 26: 41 (NIV)

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

Patiently Waiting

Posted on September 8, 2017

This a letter I wrote to my future husband. I wrote this letter partly out of frustration and partly as a plea to God for understanding. At the time, someone told me that I was his wife. I didn’t believe it, but I still considered the possibility. As a result, I started questioning my beliefs about love and how it would come. God spoke to me and this letter to my future husband is the result. At the end are a scripture and short prayer that I hope will encourage you as you patiently wait for your future spouse.

Dear Husband,

I always knew that love would be a choice. It was always floating around in the back of my mind somewhere. Today, however, is the first day I really believed it, or should I say accepted it. I get to choose who I love. Looking back, it doesn’t seem like this should be some big revelation, but the way I viewed love and God, I thought I had no choice in the matter. My perception was that God chose who I was supposed to marry, and I had to just live with it. I thought that I had to be with this person, even if they made me shudder. Then I starting thinking, why would God do that to me? Why would he make me wait for “the one” and then I’d be disappointed with him? God wouldn’t do that. God doesn’t do that. I get to choose who I’ll love. If I get to choose, then maybe there isn’t really just one man made for me. I get to choose the best man for me.

I always thought that meeting my husband would be magical. But God isn’t a magician. He doesn’t perform tricks. He is God. I never realized I put God in a magical box and expected Him to recreate some fairy tale fantasy. God revealed love will not come to me that way. I will make a sober decision on who I will love. It may seem cold-hearted but it’s really not. We are called to be sober-minded and vigilant, to not be led by emotions, but by the Holy Spirit. That’s why I said no to someone who recently told me that I was his wife. I chose not to love him in the romantic sense. Everyone has been asking me, why not him? I just say he wasn’t for me, but the truth is I couldn’t imagine myself with someone I don’t want to kiss or touch. I don’t want to be with someone just because he goes to church. From that experience, I’ve been questioning my expectations of love. Are my standards too high? Is it enough that he’s a Christian? Will God provide the rest in time? Will God allow me to look at him lovingly while I shiver in disgust at the thought of anything beyond a hug? God loves me too much to do that to me. He wants me to live and not just exist. That’s why I said no. Maybe the thoughts of some magical, fantastic love are unrealistic, but the reality of no love is unbearable. Is marriage just duty and submission? Is that all I have to look forward to? I know God will do exceedingly and abundantly above what I ask or can even think. So, that loveless and dutiful marriage must be a lie. God doesn’t want that for me. God sent the Holy Spirit to guide me away from that bleak existence. If I had said yes to him, I would have been merely existing, not living.

Thank You, God, for giving me peace and wisdom about that situation. Thank You, Jesus, for coming so that I may have an abundant life. Jesus didn’t come to earth and die on the cross so that I could barely survive or plainly exist. He came so that I could cast my cares, worries, and fears upon Him. His word brings a peace that surpasses all understanding. My heart is so full with the love of God right now. Thank You, God, that although the love I choose may not be magical, it will be heavenly. There may not be a “one” but my spouse will be sent by God. I’m sure you probably considered some others for marriage, but you will choose me. You will choose to pursue me and ask for my hand in marriage. I will choose to say yes. We will choose each other. When I say yes, know that it means that I choose to love you until there is no more me. I’ll still be the dutiful, submissive wife, but our marriage will be filled with love. A love so deep it will be unspeakable at times. The only way to express it will be to show it. The wait will be worth it. We will have a Godly love that glorifies Him. So, until I meet you and choose to love you, I”ll continue to wait patiently. I will be still and know that He is God. I will keep the faith and reap in due season. God is still God and He will do what He said.

 

Heavenly Father,

Allow me to continue to walk in faith. Open my eyes to the truth and don’t allow me to be deceived by the discouraging lies of the enemy. Let my heart have an unshakeable hope for marriage. I will be strong and confident because I wait on the Lord. Thank You, God, for giving me the desires of my heart when I’m obedient to You. Father, I ask for discernment to recognize your will. Faith without works is dead, so help me to work on myself and my perception of love. I pray that I continue to develop and grow in You, Lord. Let your will be done.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen.

1 Peter 5:8-9English Standard Version (ESV)

 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

Dear Lost Me

Posted on August 21, 2017

 The following is a letter I wrote to myself during a very dark and confusing time. I was fresh out of a 5-year relationship and my heart was utterly destroyed. I felt hopeless and unworthy. I wrote this letter to remind myself of who I am, and whose I am. This letter serves as a testament to God’s redeeming love.  If you ever happen to find yourself in a place of despair, cry out to Jesus. Go to His Word and remind yourself of His promises. He will never leave you nor forsake you. At the end of this letter is a short prayer and scripture that I encourage you to read aloud and declare over yourself. Remember that you are always loved!

Dear Lost Me,

You are a true treasure. Fearfully and wonderfully made by the one true God Almighty. You are beautiful and deserve to be loved. Do not compromise yourself. You are worthy of the love of Christ. Do not lower your standards for the benefit of anyone. If someone doesn’t value you as you are, respect yourself enough to remove yourself from that situation. Be afraid no longer! Confidence looks beautiful on you. Confidence in who you are as a person and in Christ will allow you to not worry about other people.  God chose you specifically for the purpose He set out for you. If the Creator of the universe allowed His only Son to die just to prove His love for you, how could you not be deserving of the love of mere men?

Let me be clear, the love of a human will never complete you. Please learn to love yourself completely. You are a loving, wonderful, and beautiful person. You can only become complete through total surrender to God. You must completely shed your old self and put on the new. Yes, you’ve made mistakes and you’re not perfect, but your past no longer defines you. You are now saved and redeemed. Lift your eyes to the hills. Where does your help come from? It comes from the Lord who is mighty. The Lord is strong and mighty in battle. So don’t worry about the future. God has already provided. His promises are yes and amen when you are obedient to His will. Please don’t give up. I know it’s not easy, but you have to push, you must persevere. You deserve to live a happy life. This kind of happiness will not come from a job or any other human on this earth. This kind of happiness comes from God. It only comes by seeking out His purpose for your life and fulfilling it. Fear will come, but don’t be concerned with that. God did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound judgment. You have overcome so much. Do not let fear, confusion, or other people’s opinions hinder your God-given purpose. You are led by the living Holy Spirit. Trust Him. The Holy Spirit will guide you in the right direction. I love you so much. You are uniquely designed to endure. He has put a special anointing on your life. Do not ignore it and do not be distracted from it. Not only will you survive, you will prosper according to His riches in glory.

You may not know the future, but you know God’s promises. It’s amazing to discover just how much God really loves you. Now you realize the kind of love you deserve. You deserve someone who handles you delicately and treasures your heart, mind, and soul. Someone who will put you above all except God. Someone who will help you in holiness and will be led by the Holy Spirit. The love of your life will not make you feel less than because you will not allow it. They will remind you of His love daily. God is showing you how to love and be vulnerable. Allowing people into your heart is not the easiest thing to do. It has been broken, shattered, and disrespected. You’ve allowed God in and let Him heal your brokenness. He’s the ultimate potter and put it back together without a single piece missing.

Now that he’s holding your fragile heart in His hands, trust Him with it. Grant Him full access to every dark, confused, distrusting, and broken area. Allow Him to give you peace from the broken pieces. This is a challenging process, but all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Let God erase all of the deceit and suspicion of past hurts and fill you with His goodness and kindness. You are already in His hands, give Him room to be your protector and vindicator. His faithful love endures from generation to generation. Remind yourself of His faithfulness every day. It will all be worth it. God promised it would be, and it is so. Love is in you, and so is God. Let your light shine to the world.  Keep growing, keep loving. There’s still work to do.

Heavenly Father,

I know You’re preparing me for the next level in You while in this season of singleness. Help me to focus on You and Your Word. Help me to receive everything You have for me. Help me to listen and not become distracted. Thank You, God, for just being God all by yourself. I thank You, God, for showing me your love in real and tangible ways. Thank You for instilling confidence within me and guarding my heart; allowing me to dwell in the shadow of the Most High.  I will relentlessly pursue you and your will for my life. Help me to be steadfast, diligent, patient, obedient, and disciplined in You, Father. Thank You, God, for revelation through your Holy Spirit. I desire to please only You, God. 

In Jesus’ name. 
Amen. 

Joshua 1:9 English Standard Version (ESV)

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.