Category:

Love

Dealing With Loneliness

Posted on April 6, 2018

There was a time in my life where I felt so lonely that it led to despair and depression. I prayed and hung out with friends, but nothing seemed to help. I eventually talked to my pastor about it and he recommended seeing a Christian therapist. There’s a stigma around seeing a therapist. I was totally against it at first. I thought it was only for crazy people. I thought that I was strong enough on my own to deal with it even though I felt so weak. I felt that I wasn’t needed, loved, or wanted. I felt isolated and abandoned.

Even though I had all of those feelings swimming around in my head, I thought I could overcome them on my own. But the thoughts were pervasive. It got to a point where it was the only thing I could think about. I felt like there was no hope. That’s when I finally realized these thoughts weren’t healthy and they were making me push people away. I made an appointment to see a licensed therapist the same day. It was the best decision I have ever made.

She gave me some coping mechanisms to help me combat loneliness and despair.  She told me to find some scriptures that really stood out to me, write them down and read them aloud to myself every time I felt lonely or abandoned.  These are some scriptures that help me deal with loneliness:

Psalm 25:16-17 says, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”

Here, David is crying out to God because his own son was against him, the men of Israel went after him, and he was forced to flee from the city and leave his house and family. These verses remind me to always turn to God. He is always there even when no one else is. This reminds me to put my hope in Him always. People can only do so much but God will always comfort me.

Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

To give this a little context, Moses had just died making Joshua the leader of the Israelites. Now, Joshua is tasked with taking God’s people into the promised land. Though this verse doesn’t deal with loneliness specifically, it still comforts me because it lets me know that God is with me. I don’t have to be afraid or fear anything, even loneliness. I can be strong and courageous because God is with me wherever I go.

Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet He did not sin.”

This is a verse I go to whenever I feel discouraged in any way, including feeling lonely. This verse helps me because it lets me know that God understands what I’m feeling. He knows and can empathize with what I’m going through. While on earth Jesus felt the same emotions I feel and yet he did not sin. I can look to him when I feel down and know that he experienced the same thing I did and decided to still follow God. He decided to persevere and keep pressing forward.

It could be so easy to reach out to someone to ease the loneliness, but where would that lead me? It would take away the loneliness for a little while, but then where would I stand with God? What would the moment of temporary pleasure really cost me? This person I’m reaching out to for intimacy will eventually leave, making me feel even more lonely. That person didn’t promise me anything but God promised He would never leave nor forsake me.

Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

God promised that He wouldn’t leave me. He won’t abandon me or leave me helpless. God has my back. He keeps His promises. I’m grateful that He does. This verse reminds me to be grateful for my life as it is right now. Even though I feel lonely right now, I have so much more to be thankful for. Focusing on what I do have and how blessed I am, help me to forget about those feelings of loneliness.

Another way my therapist taught me to battle loneliness is to ask myself what happened to make me feel lonely? Was there an event or something someone did that caused me to feel this way? Why did it make me feel this way? I reflect on my actions and the actions of others and take these questions to the Lord.  I seek Him to find out why it triggered me to feel lonely or abandoned. Then I think about something that made me feel loved. I go to the Lord and ask why does this make me feel loved? How can I feel this all of the time?

I write down these thoughts and scriptures in my journal. So the next time I’m feeling a little lonely or forsaken I can go back to my journal and read the revelations God had given me before. I look back and see how faithful God is. I also write down ways to remember how loved I am. How though, I may be alone, I don’t have to feel lonely. This prompted me to start writing to my future husband. I write letters and prayers for my future husband. This helps me to not only remember God’s promises but wait in expectation for them.

 If journaling isn’t your thing, find a way that’s unique to you so that you can remember God’s victories. Also, remember that loneliness is just a feeling that will pass. Don’t make any permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.  If you feel like it won’t pass, or you’ve felt lonely for a long while, seek help from a professional.

Another thing she told me to do to combat loneliness is to reach out to my friends. That’s why it’s so important to have a good circle of friends that can offer Godly counsel and who you trust. They can pray for you, they can give you scriptures to read, and they can just encourage you to keep living. You all can get together and discuss whatever is going on.

Always go to God in prayer. Be open to God doing new things in your life, like sending you to a therapist. Though journaling is a great way to remember past victories, don’t put God in a box and expect Him to do the same exact thing every time. Let’s make a distinction. Singleness doesn’t necessarily equate to loneliness. Everyone feels lonely at one time or another. They could be by themselves or in a large crowd. Your relationship status doesn’t determine how lonely you feel.The most important thing to remember is, that God will not leave you. He will not forsake you. He loves you and wants you complete and whole. Go to God, He will help you.

Our Father,

Thank You, God, for showing us how to cope with feelings of loneliness. Help us to be honest about how we are feeling and confide in You. Show us the root of these feelings so we can cast them out. Help us to depend on You alone for comfort. Lead us to the support we need to be closer to You. Help us to be courageous and know that You are always with us. Let us remember that we are never truly alone. Reveal who we can trust. Help us to put our guard down and be free in You. Thank You for loving us, God.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Watch the latest podcast episode: Dealing With Loneliness

 

What’s On the Other Side of Obedience?

Posted on February 16, 2018

Have you ever wondered what’s on the other side of obedience? What would happen if we all obeyed God like we say we want to? What would our life look like? What would the world look like?

Seeing the results of our obedience starts with us being obedient to God and His commands. How can we do this? How can we be more obedient to God? First, we must love Him. John 14:15 says, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” Do you love God? If your answer is yes, then I urge you to examine how obedient you are to His commandments. This is a tough area for me personally because I’m not always obedient to what God says to do. That’s why I’m so thankful for His grace and mercy. I’m thankful that He never gives up on me. I’m grateful that I get more than one chance to be obedient. He shows His love to me by giving me life every single day. All I have to do to show my love to God is to be obedient to Him.

As Christians, we should always look to Christ as an example of how we should obey. In Philippians Paul encourages us to have the attitude of Christ.  Philippians 2:6-8 says, “Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born a human being. When he appeared in human form, He humbled Himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”

In order to be obedient, we have to become more like Christ. We have to humble ourselves like Jesus did. Jesus gave up His divinity in order to save us. He gave up all of His privileges to be obedient to God. He didn’t think more highly of Himself than he could have. He wasn’t selfish. He was loving and compassionate. He worked with one purpose in mind, to obey His Father. In order to be obedient to God, we have to do exactly as Christ did. We have to lay down our own fleshly and selfish desires and put on the characteristics of Christ.  We have to know our purpose and pursue it. God isn’t asking us to make the ultimate sacrifice like Jesus did, He’s just asking us to put Him first and obey Him.

Once we obey God, what’s on the other side of obedience? 2 Chronicles 27:6 says, “King Jotham became powerful because he was careful to live in obedience to the LORD his God.” God gives us power when we are careful to live in obedience to Him. Ezekiel 20:13 says, “But the people of Israel rebelled against me, and they refused to obey my decrees there in the wilderness. They wouldn’t obey my regulations even though obedience would have given them life…” There is life on the other side of obedience. In this context, life means restoration, protection, and prosperity. Job 36:11 says, “If they listen and obey God, they will be blessed with prosperity throughout their lives. All their years will be pleasant.” On the other side of obedience is your blessing. On the other side of obedience is pleasantness. All of your years will be pleasant, not just some.

Let’s look back at Jesus. What was on the other side of His obedience?  Philippians 2:9-11says, ” Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names,  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Jesus was elevated and given honor. Once we are obedient to God, he will elevate and honor us when the time is right. Let’s not forget the best thing on the other side of obedience, eternal life. 1 Corinthians 9:25 says, “ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” We do this for an eternal prize. We obey for eternal life. We obey so that we can live forever in Heaven with our Father, God. On the other side of obeying God is restoration, protection, prosperity, blessing, pleasant years, power, honor, elevation, and most important eternal life in heaven. We get to live forever when we obey God.

Obeying God shouldn’t be about obtaining blessings and favor, although those are great things. We should obey God because He is good and what He has for us is always better than the alternative. God has done so much for us and all He asks in return is that we love Him and obey His commandments. Granted, that isn’t always easy. But why isn’t it easy when we see all that we get from obedience, not only in this life but also in the hereafter? Disobedience not only delays our destiny but the destiny of those people who need our  God-given gifts. We are needed in the earth. We all have a purpose from God and are needed to accomplish His will. If we don’t obey God, what’s on the other side of disobedience?

Judges 2:10-13 says, “After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths.” Disobedience arouses God’s anger. Disobedience is a sin. Sin always separates us from God. Sin caused Adam and Eve to run away from God. Sin caused the people of Israel to run to other gods. Sin disrupts our relationship with God. When we aren’t in right relationship with God, we are outside of His protection. Our prayers don’t reach Him as well as they used to. On the other side of disobedience is God’s anger and separation from Him. So, what’s keeping us from fully obeying God? 

What has kept me from fully obeying God is following my own selfish desires. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Which really means that I didn’t trust God enough to keep me. I didn’t trust that God would do what He promised. What’s keeping you from fully obeying God? Do you trust Him? Do you love Him? Is there another reason? This is the perfect time to go to God and ask Him to reveal to you what’s really keeping you from obeying Him. Once you get the answer, ask Him how to turn from that. He loves all of us so much that He will reveal Himself strong in your weak area. We don’t have to do it alone. God has given us His strength to accomplish those things we can’t do on our own. That thing you’ve been praying for is on the other side of your obedience. God’s promises are on the other side of your obedience. All you have to do is love Him and obey.

Our Father,

You are awesome! We see what you have done for all those who are obedient to You. Thank you for showing us love, kindness, and mercy throughout our disobedience. We love You, God, show us how to obey you completely. Reveal what is hindering us from fully submitting to You. We desire eternal life with You. Help us to put You first and love You more. Help us to put on the attitude of Christ. Be strong where we are weak Lord. We desire to be in right relationship with You God. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

1 Samuel 15:22  (NLT)

But Samuel replied,

“What is more pleasing to the Lord:
    your burnt offerings and sacrifices
    or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
    and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

Real Love

Posted on February 2, 2018

The following is a prayer I wrote to God when I needed to feel His love.

Our Father,

I’m so in love with You! You’re my entire world, my being. I owe my entire existence to You. God, my spirit cries out to You. I’m in desperate need of Your love. Your love covers all sins and infirmities. Your love cancels the debts I owe. Your love is the cure for all that ails me. Your Holy Spirit comforts and guides me into Your love and peace. Saturate me with Your love so that I may love others. As I sit at your feet and bask in Your abundant love, calm my fears. Reassure me of my purpose. Put in me the passion to pursue Your will. I love You, God. You are the restorer of my soul. You are my fortress, my Redeemer, the truest love of my life. Your love for me is overwhelming. Nothing can match the depths of Your love. Nothing, on earth or in heaven, in life or in death, can separate me from Your love. My heart is so full. I’m amazed that You would even allow me, a sinner, an emotionally charged, fleshly person to even worship You. You humble me, God.  Break me so that I will submit to Your will. I give You all of me. I know there’s something on the other side of my obedience. Loving You is the best decision I’ve ever made. Help me to do everything as unto the Lord. Your word is true and just. You freely give Your love to everyone. You loved me before I was even born. I’m not asking for You to love me, for You already do that. I’m simply asking to feel Your love and to be able to share it with others. I’m convinced that if people could just feel even a tiny piece of Your love, then they’ll come to You. Your love has granted me access to a peace I’ve never known. I am so content with where I am in my life right now. God, You have given me everything I need. Father, help me to love like You. I pray for a refreshing and renewal in my spirit. Provide a vision and enable Your people to carry it out. I know that You can bridge gaps, open minds, and turn hearts. God, You’ve called me to love and I pray that I am obedient. Restore my fervor for You Lord. I am living in the full authority and grace of God. Help me to listen to You and take the direction of the Holy Spirit. Your love covers and protects. Your love lasts forever. Your love is true and real. Thank You for loving me.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wrong. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Confessions of a Lonely Girl

Posted on January 5, 2018

Listen, I’m not trying to be alone forever. These cold and boring nights have me feeling lonely and in need of a companion. I decided to hop on Plenty of Fish and see what’s out there. I told myself that I’m not committing to anyone. I’ll just swipe through some pictures and go to sleep. Why do I lie to myself?

I log in to Plenty of Fish and I already have two messages. The first message is a legit paragraph about how I should overlook his gold fronts because he always accomplishes his goals and that he’s not about playing games so I should just get at him. Oh boy, here we go. I don’t make up my mind about him just yet. I need more information. 

I look at his profile, and his gold fronts are definitely prominent in every photo. He even has some whole body pictures. I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s not bad-looking and I can get over the gold fronts. I scroll down to read more about him and see that he’s 44 years old. Hold up, that’s a little beyond my age range, but I continue to read. 44 isn’t that old right? Then I see that he has 4 kids. The kids are probably grown too. Ugh, no thank you, sir.

Next message is literally two words, “Hey there.” Okay, so he isn’t much of a conversationalist. That’s fine. I can find something on his profile to spark a conversation. I head over to his profile and he seems cool. He’s cute, a Christian, 36, and doesn’t have any kids.

I message him back saying, “Hello, how are you?” He replies, “Good.” The conversation is starting off a little slow, but I keep going. I reply, “Do you enjoy being a tattoo artist?” He says, “It’s good.” I roll my eyes in frustration. That’s it? Don’t you have any questions for me? Are you forcing me to keep the conversation going? No thank you. I’ve gone down this road too many times and I don’t feel like it. I’m done. I log off.

Why do I do this? I know online dating isn’t for me. Why do I allow myself to go on there when it’s always so disappointing? When I’m bored and a little lonely it’s tempting to log in to some app or website and be distracted by men that I know aren’t my husband. It feels good to know I’m attractive. It’s so tempting just to settle for the old man with 4 kids or the one-word reply guy because they are available.

Those guys are always there. They are always ready. They are always willing. It’s easy to keep the conversation going and not be lonely. It’s easy to date an established gentleman to have a companion.  I can have someone if I set aside my standards. Just for a little while. That would be easy right?

Thankfully I snapped back to reality and gave praise to God because whatever He has for me is great. No matter how many men I look at online, He won’t allow me to settle. He’s put a desire in me that I refuse to let go. I don’t know when it will come, or what it will look like exactly, but I know God is faithful. He will do what He said.

This new year I’ve resolved to study and pray when I get bored and lonely. I’ve resolved to call up a friend that’s been on my mind so we can encourage each other. I’ve resolved to finally drop my Plenty of Fish account so there won’t be the temptation to go fishing. I’ve resolved to put God first and live righteously.

I’m determined to take what God has placed in me and serve. I still don’t want to be alone forever, but I’ve realized that I was never really alone in the first place. I have a wonderful Father that loves me dearly. I have friends and family that want the best for me. I don’t have to be a lonely girl anymore.

Our Father,

Thank You for renewing my mind. Help me to not worry about tomorrow. Help me to put You first in all things. Allow me to delight in You and Your word. Help me to serve You as never before. Give me the strength to cast down thoughts that come against Your word and Your will. You are my joy. You are my peace. I place my hope in You, God.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

 

Why Am I Still Single?

Posted on December 8, 2017

I’m still single because I am a happy, whole, and confident woman. I am complete by myself and I am totally satisfied waiting on whomever God has for me. I refuse to settle for just any old person. I want the fullness of God’s promises and that includes whomever I marry.

Now that the holiday season is upon us, this is the answer I give to all of those nosy well-meaning relatives.  It’s always asked with such disdain as if something is wrong with me. So, I came up with an answer that would allow them to know I’m not afflicted with some rare disease. I’m satisfied being single.

While that answer sounds good and is essentially true, I can’t help but wonder what’s the hold-up? What is this waiting period really for? Have I missed the person I was to marry? Am I causing this period to be longer than necessary? Or is it that God has some great destiny for me and I need this time to define myself? 

In all honesty, the answer is it’s a lot of me and a little of God. Maybe I messed up with the person I am supposed to be with because I was in my flesh and didn’t find him attractive. I probably held on too long to unforgiveness and it turned to bitterness and no one finds that attractive. I may not have let my heart be as open to love as it could have been.

God has some work to do on me and I’m willing to let Him do it. So, I do need this time to become better. Yes, I’m complete, whole, and happy but, I could be more forgiving. I could love people more. I need more discipline. Do I have to be perfect to get married? Is that why I’m still single? I don’t think so. No one is perfect. Every one of us has flaws and kinks that need to be worked out.

Marriage is not some great prize or reward I get for doing good things, for being a good Christian. I understand that. I try not to think about marriage that way, but it’s hard not to sometimes. I totally get that my reward is in heaven. I live for Christ because I truly believe His will is what’s best for my life. I know that I need Him to make it through any situation in which I find myself.

I know His grace is sufficient; that contentment is the goal for every aspect of my life.  But how can I ever truly be content if a long-held desire is not fulfilled? I know God put the desire there. I always heard that my husband will come once I’m content with just me and Jesus. It’s always been me and Jesus, and I really do love Him. How much more content do I need to be?

The dictionary defines content as, “in a state of peaceful happiness; satisfied; glad.”* The Greek dictionary defines the word content as, “self-sufficient, adequate, needing no assistance.”* That puts a different spin on it. Needing no assistance is definitely different from peaceful happiness. I was thinking of contentment as being happy when it’s really just leaning on Christ for strength for everything. Whether I’m single or married, I need to be content.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining, or woe is me, I’m sad and single. That’s not the case. I am quite satisfied. My life is good. I’m learning and growing every day. As for my husband coming when I’m totally content, maybe that’s true. I don’t know. I’ll tell you if or when that happens. One thing I know, that it will happen in God’s timing and I will rely on Him to give me strength in the mean-time.

I know that when I put Him first, all the other pieces will fall into place. I’ll just wait on God and get closer to Him. I’ll learn to trust Him more, especially with matters of the heart. Prayerfully I’ll have fewer days like this. I will focus on what I do have, which is every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms. I have amazing friends and family. I have a good life with few major responsibilities. I get to sleep late on Saturdays. I’m so thankful that God puts up with me. He’s wonderfully kind, patient, and tolerant. I really am blessed.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for blessing me abundantly. Help me to focus on what I have. Help me to put Your kingdom above all else so that You can give me everything I need. Thank You for the strength You give so that I can do everything through Christ. You are my keeper. You are my refuge. I place my trust in You, Lord. Have Your way in all areas of my life. I surrender my will to Yours. I will look to my future with confident assurance because You sustain me. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Philippians 4:11-13 (NLT)

11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

*dictionary.com

* page 47, Greek Dictionary of the New Testament, The New Strong’s Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.

A Thank You Note

Posted on November 24, 2017

During this holiday of Thanksgiving, we often show gratitude for the people and things we value in our lives. I appreciate my family and friends and all the joy they bring into my life, but I just want to take time to thank God Almighty for all that He has done, is doing, and will do.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for this day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.  Thank You for Your son Jesus Christ and for His sacrifice. I pray that I am following Your will for my life. Help me not to lean on my own understanding, but acknowledge You in all things.  Thank You for everything that You have already blessed me with. I pray for patience. I know that You will provide my every need according to Your riches in glory. Thank You, God, that I’m accepting of Your will for my life and that I will not push it away or not recognize it when it comes. 

Thank You, Father, that You have given me the authority to speak life. Thank You for the power to defeat death with everlasting life in glory. Thank You for the resurrection power that dwells within me. Thank You for wisdom and discernment. These are gifts that I pray I use correctly every day. Thank You for each spiritual gift You have bestowed upon me. I pray I use each one for Your glory and the upbuilding of Your kingdom. Help me to recognize and utilize each one in Your perfect timing. God, You are glorious, marvelous, and wonderful. Thank You, Yahweh, for being God all by Yourself. Forgive me for trying to do Your job and having the audacity to think I can do it better than You. Thank You for humility. Thank You for the confidence I have in You. Thank You for always being faithful even when I was not.

Thank You for guarding my heart so that I will not give it to the wrong person. Thank You that my husband will come to you, my Father, and ask for my hand in marriage. Thank You, Father, that my marriage will be one that glorifies You. Thank You, God, that my husband will see me as a treasure and will value my worth. Thank You, Lord, that I will see him as Your son, and treat him with the respect that royalty deserves. Thank You for a marriage that will exhibit the love Christ showed, by dying on the cross and rising three days later. Thank You for a marriage that will involve daily prayers together and for each other.  Thank You for a marriage that will have open and honest communication, with a lot of grace and forgiveness. Thank You that my husband and I will be patient with each other. Thank You for a love that goes beyond physical pleasure. Thank you that our love for each other will stimulate our minds, bodies, souls, and spirits. 

Thank you for the power of Your love, God, for it covers all things. Thank You that I will not be conformed to this world, but I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind in Jesus. Thank You, God, for calling, justifying, sanctifying, and glorifying me and my family. Many are called, but few are chosen. Thank You for choosing me. Help me to be selfless and reach Your people. Make my walk speak for itself. Make my testimony help others. Help me to see people through Your eyes. Help me to be who You have called me to be, so that You may be glorified. Thank You, God, for everything You have done for me!

In Jesus’ name.

Amen.

Psalm 24:1 (KJV)

The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.

Luke 17:15-19 (NLT)

One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, “Praise God!”  He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, “Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” And Jesus said to the man, “Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you.”

Bad Dating

Posted on November 17, 2017

So, I haven’t been on a date in about a year. Why not you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. I don’t think I was doing it right. So, I decided to take a break and do some introspection. I wanted to evaluate what I really want and need. My last date is what made me re-evaluate my life. Here’s what happened.

I met this guy on Match.com. He wasn’t the typical guy I usually dated, meaning I wasn’t attracted to him. But God had been working with me on the type of men I liked so I decided to move forward. anyway. He’s a pastor, well-spoken, and loves God so I figured it couldn’t be that bad. I was wrong. As we talk and get to know each other, we discover a mutual interest in Harry Potter. (Yes, I’m a Harry Potter fan.) At the time, a movie called Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was coming out, a sort of Harry Potter prequel. I was very excited and wanted to see it. Naturally, he asked me if I wanted to see it with him and I said yes. Now up to this point, the conversation hadn’t been too great, but I thought when we met in person it might not be so bad. Y’all, it was that bad.

On the day of our first date, I get to the movie theater and he’s late. I’m very forgiving of people being late because I’m always late. I have to stand in the lobby area because there aren’t any seats and he bought the tickets. So, I’m standing there just people-watching, hyping myself up, like this is going to be good. He finally arrives and I realize I have only seen pictures of him from the shoulders up. Oh, the perils of online dating. I sigh inwardly. At this point, I was just hoping his personality would win me over. It didn’t.

We make our way to our seats and he talks throughout the previews about the bible. I mean, I love Jesus too, but I don’t want to talk about whether I interpret Paul’s writings conservatively or liberally on the first date. The movie starts and he begins breathing heavily, like deep sleep heavy.  I look over and his eyes are still open, so he’s not sleeping.  I ask him if he’s alright.  He says yes, but excuses himself to the restroom. As soon as he rounds the corner, I contemplate just leaving. I don’t need heavy breathers in my life. I stay because I really want to watch this movie and the night could still turn around for the better. It didn’t.

When he comes back, he’s still breathing hard and now he’s sweating. I’m thinking to myself, what in the world did he do in the bathroom? I make no comment and continue to watch the movie. He kept sweating and breathing heavily for the rest of the movie. I was low-key annoyed because I was trying to listen to the movie, but kept hearing him breathe. After the movie, he walked me to my car and we had an awkward goodbye. He asked if he could see me again and I gave a noncommittal grunt, patted him on the shoulder, got in my car, and drove away. In retrospect, maybe the date wasn’t that bad, but after having a string of bad dates, I think it was the proverbial straw the broke the camel’s back.

That night I sat down with God and prayed. I realized that I’m not a casual dating type of girl. I need someone that I’m attracted to. He doesn’t have to be my type, but I going to need to be able to look at him for the rest of my life. I need someone who will pray along with me and for me; someone who will have interests outside of the bible. What I need, is my husband. Prayerfully my next relationship will be my last. That’s why I haven’t dated in almost a year. I don’t have the time or energy for anything else other than the real thing. Until I meet or become reacquainted with my husband, I’ll just make sure my heart is positioned to be his wife, living my best life, and giving God the glory.

 

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for all of the experiences that have led me to You. Help me to have an open heart and mind regarding the things You have for me. Help me to receive every blessing You have for me. Help me to stay in Your will Father. Thank You, Lord, for Your divine timing. I surrender all to You, Lord. Let Your will be done and Your peace reign. Help me to not move ahead of You, Lord. I desire what You have for me at the time You want me to have it. If I have rejected anything You have sent, Lord, please bring it back around. Open my eyes so that I may see it as a blessing from You. Help me to put You first in all things.  I pray my husband does the same.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 (NLT)

A Time for Everything

3 For everything, there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.

 

Vulnerable

Posted on November 3, 2017

God, I am diligently seeking You. You are my best friend and my greatest love. Thank You, Father, for blessing me beyond measure. My spirit rejoices in You. I rejoice in You. Help me to to be the way You want me to be. Help me to operate in a new mindset. Holy Spirit, help me to see clearly what You have for me. I want to rely totally on You, Lord. I want Your will to be done. Help me to give You my entire heart. God, I need You to help me tear down the walls around my heart. Help me to be vulnerable. Help me to love completely and truly. Help me to let go of past hurts.

I don’t want to push away any more people because something they said or did reminds me of a past hurt.  Help me to forgive as I have been forgiven. Help me to face the pain and overcome the hurt. Why do I hold on so tightly to things I should have let go many years ago? I know that I’m already healed. I’m already victorious and successful in You. What is still holding me back from your promises? You want me to be vulnerable and I’m being disobedient. Lead me where I need to go, Lord so that I’m comfortable showing my insecurities.  If I ever want to love again, I must open my heart. Why is this so hard for me? Would I rather never love again just so I won’t be hurt again?

I want to love and be loved. God, remove this wall. No matter how painful, or how much I cry and beg, please remove this wall erected around my heart. I need to feel again.  Remove this mask of propriety from me. Help me to stop hiding behind holiness and sanctification. I’m broken and I’m a mess. Not as broken as I used to be, but broken nonetheless. Is it fear that is holding me back from being vulnerable and open? Fear of intimacy and vulnerability? I’m so afraid to express what’s deep in my soul. What if it’s too much or not enough? Why am I so beholden to what others may think of me? I need to be free of other’s people’s opinions. Your opinion is the only one that matters. Help me to walk in the liberty of Jesus.

Set me free, Lord.  Help me to walk in victory. Help me to trust You enough to let it all go. I don’t want to be burdened any longer. You said to come to You all who are weary and burdened and You will give them rest. I’m coming to You, Lord so that I may rest. I’m coming to You, Lord so that I can be free. I need to be free so that I can help others be free in You. This stage of vulnerability is scary. I have no idea what to expect. I’ve never done this before. So God, please remove the walls from my heart. I don’t want anything holding me back from Your promises.

Give me wisdom. You have something You need me to do. I’m a willing vessel, empty me out and pour You in.  I will be obedient. I will go where the Holy Spirit leads me. Even though I can’t see the next step, I will still rejoice. I will trust the Lord. I will be open and vulnerable. Fear shall not be my deterrent any longer! I won’t stop because of fear. I have to keep going, keep pushing, keep living, and keep pressing.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for the Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Help me to break through whatever is in me so that You can get all the glory. You heal the broken-hearted. I walk in that healing. Lord, help me to feed your sheep. Help me to love unequivocally again. I desire to be led by You in every circumstance. Help me to be content in every situation. Help me to let go and let You have control. Help me to guard my heart, not build a wall around it. I give my heart to You, God. I trust You. Give me wisdom and discernment on whom to trust. Help me to be vulnerable and open so that Your will shall be done in the earth.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Psalm 147:3 (NLT)

 He heals the broken-hearted and bandages their wounds.

Celibacy

Posted on October 20, 2017

Growing up, celibacy was not the standard. I didn’t see anyone practicing abstinence in my world. Sex was just one of those things church people said we shouldn’t do, but everyone did it anyway. I was never taught the importance of remaining pure. I was led to believe that sex was the way to get and keep a man. So, that’s the model I lived by. I just did what I wanted with no thought of the consequences.

I hadn’t realized I was using sex as a substitute for God. The intimacy, closeness, love, and relationship I thought I was getting from sex was all a facade. I was still empty after every encounter. The closeness I felt during sex never lasted, which made me crave that intimacy even more. As a result, I became intimate with more people. I thought that was the way to fill the voids. One fateful night I met this really cute guy at the club and went home with him. Usually, I was able to move on and never think about it again, but for some reason, I felt ashamed. I couldn’t understand why I was so unfulfilled. I remember I slipping out of his bed, into the bathroom, and collapsing on the floor in sobs. God clearly spoke to me and asked me what was I doing. He said sex is never going to fill the voids. Only I can do that. At that moment, I decided to be celibate until marriage. So how do I navigate being single and celibate?

We all have sexual desires.The way to combat this is to focus on God. Pursue holiness. I intentionally honor God with my body. I used to think that celibacy would be a boring way to live but it’s not. The freedom I get from not be a slave to sexual sin is so gratifying. The men and heartache I get to avoid because I’m celibate is relieving. I don’t suppress my sexual desire. I want it to be there. I’m going to need it when I get married. Instead of focusing on my fleshly desires, I choose to focus on being obedient to God. When I focus on God and put Him first, all the other things fall into place. I don’t want sex to keep me from anything God has for me. My body is the living temple of the Holy Spirit. I can’t just have any old thing enter my temple.

Celibacy has been a journey. Through this process, God has revealed a lot about why sex should be reserved for marriage. Sex isn’t just sex. As much as I wanted to believe that I could just move on, my emotions were attached to each partner. I was creating soul ties. Each person I slept with left an indelible mark on my spirit. It’s been a lot of work to be delivered from those ties and to rein in my emotions.  When people are married they are joined as one and sex solidifies that union. They become one in flesh and in spirit. Sex outside of marriage meant my spirit was all over the place, with no unifying direction. I couldn’t be whole physically and spiritually until I got all of the pieces of me back into order in God.

I choose to be celibate to honor God and my future husband. I want my future husband to know that I thought enough of him to wait. I’m celibate because I need to know if the person I’m with really loves me. When sex is in the equation love is often confused with lust. Lust is temporal and fleeting. Love is everlasting, it’s eternal. I need the eternal. An added bonus of being celibate is that I don’t have to worry about diseases or pregnancy. Sex skews things. Sex complicates things.  Living for God simplifies things.

Celibacy isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. We are called to be holy as God is holy. He will give us the strength, power, and grace to get through any situation. He redeems us. There is no need to be ashamed of your past. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and repent, God removes every sin from you as far as the east is from the west. He makes you new again. There is no need to go back to the old way of life. God has already provided you with everything you need to sustain you in your walk with Christ.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, God, for your grace and mercy. Fill every void. Steep me deep in Your love. Thank You for giving me the power and the strength I need to live for You. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. I look to You, Father for guidance and wisdom in this time. Let me not fall into temptation. Thank You, God, for providing a way of escape for every temptation that comes. I marvel at Your power and might. Help me to be holy as You are holy. Help me to put You first in all things, so the rest can be added unto me.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Ephesians 3:16-19 (NLT)

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

 

Rebellion

Posted on October 14, 2017

I rebel against God often. He tells me to do one thing and I do another. Even when I do something that He tells me to do, I mumble and complain because I don’t want to do it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know that only good things come from obeying Him. I know that He only wants what’s best for me. But sometimes my best and His best don’t line up.

I really want things to go the way I envision them in my head. So I try really hard to make it happen. The only thing is, it rarely turns out the way I envision it. Then I’m left mad and frustrated because I have put so much energy into making something work that was doomed from the start. So after all of that time and work, I have to crawl back to God asking for forgiveness and seeking His grace and mercy, just do it His way.

Why isn’t His way my first option? Why do I think I know better than God? It’s because I don’t trust Him enough to lead me. I doubt Him. I question Him. I have to be honest with myself. My life isn’t working out the way I planned because I didn’t involve Him in most of my major decisions. I make decisions based on my emotions instead of praying and relying on the Holy Spirit for guidance. Then I get frustrated all over again because I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to war in the spirit for my husband. I don’t want to pray without ceasing and read and study the bible. Why can’t I just be a regular person? Why do I have to do all of this?

I get mad and rebel because I just want what I want now and I don’t want to have to do anything to get it. I don’t want my blessings and promises to be connected to my obedience. I get mad because praying and studying show me who I really am and I don’t like it.  Yes, it shows me that I am God’s daughter and a co-heir with Jesus, but it also shows me that I am lazy and selfish. He shows me that I don’t love like I’m supposed to. He shows me that I have a lot of knowledge of Him, but I don’t apply His precepts and commandments very well. How can I really make a move from acting on impulse and desire to consulting God in everything? How do I move from mere head knowledge to actually living His word out daily?

I do it by surrounding myself with people that are already living for God and will encourage me to seek His ways. I have to ask God to help me do this. I cannot do this on my own, in my own strength. He reveals things to me when I ask Him and earnestly seek Him. I have to pray for wisdom and understanding.  This is a process. I have to learn how to renew my mind every day. I have to crucify my flesh daily. I have to remember that I’m not in this alone.

I have a wonderfully supportive group of family and friends that want to see me flourish in Jesus. I also have a wonderfully kind, patient, and tolerant Father in God that has provided enough grace and mercy to see me through. Although the process of changing into who God wants me to be can be painful and uncomfortable, I know it’s worth it.  I know that it will ultimately work out for my good. I know I can be a disobedient brat sometimes but I’m so grateful God still loves me and is willing to take me back in His arms. I’m so grateful that He hasn’t given up on me, even when I’ve given up on Him.

Thank You, God, for still hearing and answering my prayers. Thank You, God, for still covering and protecting me when I was in open rebellion against You. I don’t know why You still love me, but You do. Help me to be obedient to Your word and Your will Lord. Forgive me for defiantly disobeying You. Thank You for Your grace and mercy that is sufficient to see me through every trial and test. Thank You for still loving me in spite of me. Thank You, God, for touching my heart and giving me the desire to walk in the way You would have me to go. Help me to be holy as You are holy. Help me to just trust You, Lord. Help me to put You first in all things. You’ve been so good to me even when I didn’t deserve it. Help me to live my life for You, in Your power and strength.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Romans 7:15-20 (ESV)

15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.