As we approach the new year, I often take time to plan ahead for the new one. This time I want to take a slightly different approach. God can do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think according to the power that works within us. So, instead of the same old new year’s resolutions, let’s resolve to go after our wildest dreams.
Wild Dreams
What are those dreams that you just can’t seem to shake? The big, bold, and grand dreams that you know God placed in your heart. Why not ask Him for those dreams? Hashtag goals can be a reality. I believe 2020 is the year that God-given dreams and gifts must manifest. It’s time y’all. So I’ll ask again, what’s your wildest dream?
Last year, a group of friends and I sat around discussing our plans for 2019. We spoke them with conviction and we put some work behind our faith. I didn’t only ask for tangible things, I also asked to be in a better position to serve Him.
In 2019 we saw God manifest what we spoke out loud and more. So, that got me to thinking. What if I was bold in my declarations for 2020? If God did all that for me in 2019, what more would He do if I asked for what I really wanted? How much would my life and the lives of others change if I followed that wild (and crazy) dream God gave me?
2020 Journal
For 2020, I’m declaring that I serve a God who cannot and has not failed. I declare that I have put forth the work and effort necessary for God’s promises to manifest in my life. God will abundantly exceed my wildest dreams in 2020. I believe He will do it for me and you. I created a journal to help me let go of limiting thoughts. This journal has scriptures and prompts to help get the creative juices flowing.
Take some time to write out your wildest dreams in the journal. I’m talking about that dream that’s a little (or a lot) scary to even mention aloud. Write those things that you really want. Then believe that God will move on your behalf. Stand in the confident expectation that God will do more than you can ask or think. Pray over that list, make sure you’re keeping God first, and then move!
What a Mighty God We Serve
God is already moving. He has already moved in a mighty way in my life with my wildest dreams list. We serve an active and living God. He doesn’t have to wait until 2020 to do it. It can happen now! What an amazing feeling to know that God loves and hears us. I pray that you have a prosperous and happy new year! May God continue to bless you beyond belief.
Overall dating has been fun and exciting. I have met some really great guys and some dusty crusties. But recently I fell into a dusty man trap. I usually don’t dwell too much on the unpleasant experiences, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s how I fell into a dusty-man trap.
I always protect the innocent, so I’ll call this guy Gary. Sorry to anyone named Gary. It’s not personal. I have 5 things a guy must meet before I decide to go on a date with him.
Christian
Have a job
Have a car
Have his own place to stay
No more than 1 child, but preferably none
How it Started
I mentioned those criteria because I went out on 2 dates with a guy that, unbeknownst to me, didn’t meet any of them. He was a dusty man. Let’s start at the beginning. I met Gary back in the early part of the year. We messaged and talked for a few weeks but for whatever reason, we stopped talking. I don’t remember why we stopped, I just remember that we did.
Then summer hits and I get a text from an unknown number. I respond out of curiosity. It’s Gary! We chat for a while and decide to go out. During the course of this chatting, I ask why we initially stopped talking and he changed the subject. Looking back that should have been my first red flag.
We had trouble finding a time to go out because I’m a busy woman. I don’t cancel the plans I already made for a date. So we talked for about 2 weeks before we actually met up. During this time I asked all the questions to make sure he met my first date criteria. He lied, but I had no way of knowing at the time.
The Meetup
A couple of days before we are supposed to go out he calls and says that he just has to see me. I said we’re supposed to go out soon can’t you just wait? He said no, he has to see me right away. This is a Sunday morning and I’m getting ready for church. I really didn’t have time for a meet and greet. He kept calling and texting until I finally agreed to meet him. This should have been my second red flag.
I get ready super fast and meet him at an agreed-upon location near my church. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to invite him to the church I’m always talking about. It’s late June or early July, but either way, it’s super hot. The air in my car isn’t working that well so I’m sitting there sweating. Here comes Gary rolling up. He hops out of the car in the most unflattering outfit I’ve ever seen. He had on a shirt with holes, basketball shorts, socks that didn’t quite cover his ashy knees, and slides.
Disappointment
At this point I’m thinking to myself, you just had to see me and this is how you look? I’m super annoyed. He gets out of the car and saunters over like he is God’s gift to women. I purse my lips in preparation for nonsense to come out of his mouth. And it did. He starts talking about how he couldn’t wait until our date to see me.
He’s licking his crusty lips every five seconds. I was so distracted by his appearance I really don’t remember what he said except that it could have waited until our date. I don’t say anything because I’m hot and annoyed. Plus he looked dusty. I let him talk for about 5 minutes then say I need to leave. At this point, I’m devising a plan in my head on how to let him down easy. But it didn’t go exactly as planned.
Falling Into the Trap
The next day I call him and we’re keeping it light at first. Talking about everything and nothing. Then I hit him with I the I’m not romantically interested and I think we should be friends. He says cool, but he would still like to hang out. I have no idea why, but I agree. This is how I fell into the dusty-man trap. As the week progresses, he calls me and says his car is in the shop and that he lost his debit card. It sounds really suspicious but I say ok, do you want to hang out another time? He says no, he really wants to see me again.
We go out, he meets me at the location. I have no idea how he got there. We have an okay time. He pays for the date with a wad of cash. At this point, I’m determined to break things off. Then he asks me for a ride home. I give him one and on my way back to my house I am fussing at myself for going out with this dusty, crusty man. Mind you, he didn’t dress any better for our date.
The more we talk, the more I find out about him. He really doesn’t have a job. He also doesn’t have a stable place to live. He goes in-between family member’s houses. There’s nothing wrong with this. I get that that people go through hard times, but why lie about it and try to date on top of that?
Lessons Learned
But, I ended up going out with him again. Don’t ask me why. Perhaps I needed to learn a lesson about smooth-talking dusty men. Maybe I thought I could help. In the end, I realized that I’m not the type of woman that can date potential. I need to see some actual results. I need to see your plan taking shape. I’m not asking any man to be at the final place, but I need to see steps being taken in that direction.
I also learned not to be so hard on myself. I should not have gone out with Gary. There were a lot of red flags that I ignored because he had nice pictures online. Those pictures didn’t match reality by the way. I serve a forgiving God who said there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If I’m in Christ, which I am, why should I condemn and be so hard on myself? I had to forgive myself for being foolish, believing lies, and falling into a dusty-man trap. I survived though. Now, I will pay attention to red flags.
I had to go back to God and find out what I really want. I won’t be making a dusty man mistake again. I can move forward with the knowledge that God wants me to be happy and that I will be. Still out here dating, but I’m taking my time. Vetting men a little more than I used to. I’m grateful for the experience. Glad to know that God’s got me even when I mess up.
Thanks for joining me on my journey of singleness!
I’ve never dated so much in my life. I’ve been on many dates with several men. I have had so much fun. Now, I have a better understanding of what I want. Here are my top five dating lessons learned:
Lesson 1: Surrender
Through this dating process, I’ve let go of a lot of my ideas about love. I learned to surrender. I learned to be vulnerable. I am still learning how to feel my emotions without being led by them. I learned how to say what I want. Being with someone for the rest of my life will require me to give of myself, sometimes more than I’m comfortable with.
Honesty, vulnerability, and transparency are all areas in which I struggle. It’s hard for me to let go of my ideas and plans. Once I truly let go, I see how beautiful life can be. When I surrender, I see God at work and I move out of the way. The same thing happens with relationships. When I stop trying to control the outcome everything turns out greater than I ever expected.
Lesson 2: I’m the Prize
Placing a high value on my self-worth has allowed other people to treat me as such. When God created me He made a masterpiece. He created something beautiful. Why would I allow anyone to treat me as something less? How can I treat myself as something less than the best? I deserve to be pursued. I do not have to compromise. I will have what God wants for me. I am the prize.
Lesson 3: Where My Hope Comes From
Dating has its ups and downs. There will be periods of time where I hit it off with every guy I like, and then there are periods of time where things just aren’t clicking. During the low moments, it’s easy to get discouraged. When a guy I like ghosts, often the first thought is that I did something wrong. It was during these moments that I had to rely on God and His promises to get me through.
He never promised that I wouldn’t struggle, but He did promise that He already overcame this trouble-filled world. I had to remember, in good times and in bad, that whatever the outcome is my hope will remain in Jesus. My confidence isn’t in me, it’s in Him who works through me. This helped me adjust my attitude when things went left, and to maintain my attitude when things went my way.
Lesson 4: Keep God First
This may sound silly but for a long time, I thought in order to be a real Christian and keep God first I couldn’t do much else. I thought in order to stay on the straight and narrow, I could only go to work, church, and home. The problem with that was that it was boring. I wasn’t meeting anyone, especially not men, and I was losing sight of what God had promised me.
It’s weird, but dating made me put God first. I was very intentional about keeping God involved in my dating process. I prayed before going out, I prayed on the way there, I prayed about the guy. I studied more scripture to make sure I was sober-minded. I asked friends and family for advice and to hold me accountable. This habit spilled over into other areas of my life. Now I know that as long as He’s first, everything else will fall into place.
Lesson 5: I Am A Wife
I believe I’m in the position to be found. I declare I’m a wife now. No, I’m not married yet and there is no potential man in the picture right now. But I declare that I am a wife right now. Yes, I can cook and clean and fulfill all of those domestic duties, but being a wife is about more than that. To do a little humble bragging, I have a good character. I can listen, help, support, encourage, pray, believe, love, and make money. There are definitely still things I need to learn about being a wife but I know I am a good thing. I am a wife.
Bonus Lesson: What I Want
I know I want a man who loves God more than he will ever love me. I want a man who’s responsible with money. I want a worshipper. I want a spiritual leader. I want someone who will pray with me and for me. Now, I realize the importance of having Christ as the foundation. Maybe dating as I have isn’t the path for everyone. I’m happy God took me along this path though. While it hasn’t been easy, it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made.
So here’s my truth. I want to be married. While I’m thankful that I’ve had to opportunity to meet so many great men, I want my husband. Dating has been amazing. But, what I really want is my husband and family. What I truly want is to allow God to do His job and I put in the work of me dating men I can see myself marrying.
I started this journey because I want every promise God has for me. I’m determined to see His goodness in the land of the living. This isn’t the end of me dating. It’s the beginning of my taking dating seriously. So, prayerfully I will not be dating for long (please Jesus). Of course, it will happen in His timing and I’m in no rush. Until then, thanks for joining me on this journey of being Single In Christ.
Dating as a plus-size girl hasn’t always been easy. Confidence hasn’t always been my strong suit. I battled with low self-esteem and feeling unworthy for a very long time. I went to therapy, I recited positive affirmations about myself, and I prayed for God to make me more confident in the woman He created me to be.
I posted scriptures about who I am on my mirrors and computers. I worked really hard to be more confident. Then I finally reached a place where I felt confident in myself. Then I started dating again. Dating tested my confidence.
Facing Insecurities
I came face to face with many of my insecurities and had to deal with them one by one. Thankfully, I have the tools to combat those insecure feelings. All except one, my weight. Now let’s be honest here. I’m overweight, plus-sized, fluffy. Whatever euphemism you want to call it. Usually, when I say this, people shower me with compliments or tell me that I’m beautiful. Let’s get this straight, I never said I was ugly, just plus-size.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with being plus-size, it was the biggest insecurity I had to overcome when re-entering the dating world. Although we don’t like to admit it, being big is often associated with unattractiveness and poor habits in general. Now I know those stereotypes don’t describe me, but I knew that I may have to face them nonetheless.
Barrier to Dating
I was so concerned that my weight would be a barrier to dating. So I decided to just put it all out there. I stopped wearing girdles, I put on more colorful clothes. I decided to just be me. Low key I was still a little worried about my weight though. But here’s the thing, it hasn’t been a factor at all.
In fact, I’m attracting quality men. Quality men who are fine. Let me say that again. This plus-size girl is pulling men who look good, have good jobs, and are good men. Now, I’m not pulling all the fine men, nobody is, but I’m pulling in my fair share. The funny thing is, I date men who exercise all the time. They are really into working out and feel some type of way when they don’t. They are into eating healthy and all of that stuff and I’m just not. Well, not yet anyway.
Changed Mindset
Listen, this blew my mind. I honestly think this kept me from successfully dating before. I had the mindset that my weight would keep me from getting what I really wanted. Come to find out, it wasn’t my weight, it was my mindset that kept me from it all along.
I always thought that if I lost weight I might attract better-looking men or better quality men, but that’s not true. I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight yet I’m attracting men to whom I’m also attracted.
This Tells Me Some Things About Myself
My weight has no bearing on the quality of men I am able to attract.
I was trying to lose weight for a potential mate and not for myself.
If I was willing to make drastic changes for someone I hadn’t met yet, what would I do once I met him?
My mindset matters.
I had to get myself all the way together. If I’m going to lose weight, it has to be for me. Though I love myself the way I am, I must change my lifestyle to have a long life and prosperity that God promised me. I want to be healthy in my mind, body, and spirit. So I have to lose weight. It’s just that food is so delicious. Plus, the fact that I can still attract some fine men while being plus-size doesn’t motivate me to exercise. I’m going to lose weight though. I want to be able to run after my kids one day without being winded so easily.
Finally Free
So, I’m going to keep this mindset. Even if the old negative thoughts come, they don’t have to stay. All in all, this time around dating has been incredibly fun. Probably because I’ve allowed myself to just be. I’ve learned who I am in Christ and how to be free in Him (for the most part). I pray that for all of you as well. I pray that you realize that whom the Son sets free is free indeed. No matter where you are in life, whether you’re dating or not, take this time to change your mindset. Take this time to know who you are in God. Be positive, continue to believe in Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit guide you in everything you do.
My 33rd birthday was three days ago and every year when my birthday rolls around I take some time to reflect on the past year. I thought my life would look so different by now.
10 years ago when I was 23, I thought the next decade would see a great marriage, beautiful home, and nice cars. What I didn’t take into account was God‘s plan for my life. I didn’t know He had Single In Christ in store for me.
I started Single In Christ about one year ago because God put a burden and passion in my heart for single people. I feel like single people need encouragement from someone who is currently single.
I understand the appeal of seeking advice from married people. They are where we want to be. While I thank God for our married brothers and sisters, sometimes they are just a little too far removed from single life. Or they haven’t been single as long as some of us that are currently single. I thought if I need a different type of encouragement, then other people would too.
As I was praying and asking God exactly what He wanted me to do, I got the answer to start a blog called Single In Christ. I was really hesitant to do it at first. I was afraid of being branded as the single girl (though I am). I was afraid that starting Single In Christ was akin to me saying I want to be single forever (which I don’t).
I was fearful that I’d have to commit to being single for a really long time (which I also don’t want). I didn’t want to have to think about being single all the time or seem like I’m complaining about it. Although I celebrate those people who get married after several decades of singleness, I do not want that to be my testimony.
I also knew I couldn’t be led by my fears. I knew if God was telling me to do something I just had to trust Him enough to do it. In spite of all that, I still created Single In Christ, with God’s help.
Single In Christ started as a blog and is now a 2018 Gospel Image Award nominated video podcast. God has really moved and I am glad I trusted Him. Through Single In Christ, He has blown my mind.
This time last year I said I wanted to feel accomplished. Looking back, I’m proud to say that I do feel accomplished. I did something God told me to do. Prayerfully this ministry has persuaded at least one person to live for God. I’m diligently saving to buy a house. I’ve changed my career path slightly. I’m sure of my purpose and what I’m supposed to do next. I’m more confident in how I see myself and how God sees me.
Yet I’m still single. I know God will give me what I need when I need it, but honestly, keeping the faith is a struggle. The wait is frustrating. Each day I’m relying on God and figuring out how to wait. So until His promise comes, I’ll keep getting closer to God. I’m confident that I will get married.
I’ll rest assured in Him knowing that his grace is sufficient. I don’t have to worry or be anxious about anything because God‘s got me. Until I get every promise I’m going to keep holding on to the joy and peace God gave me. I’m going to be happy right now.
I’m going to take comfort in the fact that next year I’ll be a better person and even more secure in God. I trust him enough to wait and work on me in the process. So as you’re reflecting on your personal new year don’t forget to celebrate your successes and remember that God is still good.
Our Father,
Thank You for a new season. Let me grab hold of everything You have for me. Help me to be more like You. Let me recognize every blessing You have for me. Help me to keep pressing forward. Thank You that my latter shall be greater. Thank You for showing Yourself strong and mighty in my life. I will continue to trust You.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Philippians 4:4-7 (NLT)
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Check out the latest podcast episode: Birth of Single In Christ
I believe there is always a choice. We can choose life and blessings or death and curses. We can choose to see the good in a situation or choose to concentrate on the negative. It all depends on your perspective. From now on, I’m choosing happiness.
I recently was blessed with the opportunity to care for some lovely children. What I learned from the experience is that I’m grateful for the way my life is right now. Although I’m not married and have no children, I’m choosing to be happy with my life. I choose to see the benefits of being single.
I don’t have to consider someone else’s schedule when I plan mine. I get to spend my money on things that I want to spend my money on. I only have to consult God. I don’t have to depend on or rely on anyone else but God, and that’s actually very freeing.
I sometimes get so caught up in preparing for and anticipating the next stage, that I forget to enjoy the now. I want to savor this stage of my life. I got a small glimpse into what my future may hold and I just thank God for this season. Yes, I still desire marriage and children, but I can definitely wait. I’m sure my next season will be wonderful. But this season is just as wonderful. Thank God I am fully realizing how truly blessed I am.
During this time, I get to spend as much time with God as I want. I only have to worry about myself. I can be as spontaneous as I desire. I don’t know how much longer my single season will last but I want to enjoy every minute of it. I want to make sure that when I look back at this time of my life, I can say that I have no regrets. I took risks, I did what God told me to do. I fulfilled my purpose.
Now is the best time to do it. I have the time to live fully for God. Not that married people can’t live fully for God, they just have added considerations single people don’t. I’m choosing to see how happy I can be right now. I don’t have to wait for contentment. I don’t have to wait for happiness. I can be whole, happy, and confident right now. A husband and kids aren’t the rewards. My reward is in Jesus. I choose to delight in Him. I choose life. I choose happiness. I’m certainly not advocating singleness over marriage. I just want to encourage everyone to choose gratefulness right now.
Everyone wants to be happy. One way to obtain happiness is by being grateful for the things you have right now. Take stock of your life and find things that you have that you’ve prayed for. They don’t have to be so-called big things. I’m grateful for life, health, friends, and family.
I was once diagnosed with a condition called papilledema. It’s the swelling of the optic nerve and I was in danger of losing my sight. I remember how I prayed and prayed. Yet to this day I can see. I did have to undergo some medical procedures, but God saw me through. He’s allowed me to be able to see. I choose to celebrate Him and be happy for my sight. I’m grateful that God answers prayers.
There will be trouble. I’m not saying don’t recognize it or address it. I’m saying to choose life and blessings despite the troubles. Choose to see God through it all. Choose happiness. Choose joy. There will always be a choice. It’s not always easy to choose the brighter side. It may take a while to renew your mind. You will have to think differently than you have before. That’s fine. God is always there to help you. He has the power to renew your way of thinking. Choose happiness. Choose life and blessings so that you can live.
Our Father,
Thank You, God, for everything You have given me. Help me to be grateful for my life as it is right now. Let me not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of my mind in Jesus. Help me to put on the attitude of Christ and think on things that are praiseworthy and good. Help me, God, to shift my perspective and choose You. Help me to choose life and prosperity. Help me to live for You each day. Give me the strength to wait for what You have for me. Help me to put my hopes in You alone. God, You are my refuge. I delight in You. Thank You, God, for restoration and renewal.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Deuteronomy 30:15-16 (NLT)
“Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees, and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
Check out the latest podcast episode: Happy, Holy, and Single
Prayer is an essential part of our relationship with God. Sometimes, for whatever reason, it’s hard to pray. I struggle with this more often than I’d like to admit. The natural question is how do we overcome that? How can we, despite our mood and environment, still talk to God?
I think one thing we should do is remove some misconceptions about prayer. Prayer is just talking to God. It’s just another way we communicate with God. I used to think prayer had to be done in a certain way and in a specific environment to be a “real prayer.” That’s just not true.
Prayer can be done in private or in public. Prayers can be said silently or aloud. Prayers can be said with your eyes open or closed, kneeling, standing, or walking. There is no way that is better than another. The most important thing is making sure your heart is in the right position. We must be confident in the things we pray about. 1 John 5:24 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” We have to approach prayer knowing that He hears us and will answer.
We must also make sure that we are praying with pure motives. We can’t be out to manipulate God into doing what we want Him to do. We have to seek His will above our own. I know this is tough. We all want what we want. But we must endeavor to crucify our flesh. James 4:3 says, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” That’s why it’s so important, no matter how you pray, that your heart and mind are focused on God’s will.
Okay, so what happens when your heart is for God and you still find it difficult to pray? Keep in mind that there is no length requirement for prayer. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says,“…constantly pray.” Which means you can pray to God throughout the day. There’s no right or wrong time to pray. Pray whenever you get a chance for however long you feel you need to pray.
Paul wrote, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6–7) So we can pray about everything that concerns us. We should pray in every situation. God cares for us, we just need to talk to Him about what’s going on. Ask Him for help with everything.
If you’re still feeling a little stuck, send up a prayer of adoration. Just praise God for who He is. Or confess to God about some of the things you’ve done and agree with Him that you need forgiveness. You could pray a prayer of thanksgiving. Give thanks to God for what He’s done, what He’s doing, and what He’s going to do. You could also talk to God and tell Him what’s concerning you and then cast your cares on Him. You can do a combination of these or all of these, just as long as you’re talking to God from your heart.
Listen to some of your favorite worship music. You know the songs I’m talking about, the ones that always take you to the throne. When we worship God prayer usually flows naturally from there. You can also look back at your life and see how far God has brought you. When I do this I usually end up in a prayer thanking and praising God. Looking back allows you to see how good God really is and can be motivation to pray.
If you’re going through something, look up bible verses dealing with that subject and speak them back to God. For example, if I’m feeling lonely or confused or having a moment of doubt, I just look up verses about love, wisdom, or faith and speak those verses back to God over and over until I receive them in my heart.
I often use the Lord’s prayer sort of as jumping off point. This is a prayer that Jesus taught His disciples in Matthew 6:9-13. I like to say it because each part reminds me of my relationship with God and it makes it easier to communicate with Him.
Our Father in heaven: This reminds me that I have a close parent/child relationship with God. I can call Him Father. He is that close to me. And not only is He my Father, He’s our Father. Which means I’m not only in relationship with Him, but I have brothers and sisters in Christ all around the world that I’m in a relationship with as well. He’s our Father.
Hallowed be thy name: To hallow something means to honor it as holy, it means to revere and respect it. This reminds me of who God is and how I should treat Him. He is holy and I revere Him.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven:This reminds me to crucify my flesh with its selfish desires and pray for God’s will to be done. I want that same will that is happening in heaven to happen right here on earth.
Give us our daily bread:This reminds me that God’s mercy is new every day and that I also have to seek him daily for what I need and that I have to pray without ceasing.
Forgive Us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us: I have to ask for forgiveness for every sin and forgive others just like God forgave me. I have to be as forgiving as God is toward me. I have to show the same compassion and mercy towards others that God gives me daily.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil: This is a plea for protection from every trap, trial, and temptation set up by the enemy of our souls. God will never tempt us, this is a cry to God to help us not give in, to help us avoid sin. This helps me to remember where my victory comes from and how He will protect me.
I don’t want to over-complicate prayer. At the end of the day, prayer is just communication between us and God. It’s a way to get peace, it’s a way to stop worrying. Prayer helps us discern God’s will and defeat whatever the enemy is throwing at us. The effectual and fervent prayers of the righteous accomplish much (James 5:16). There’s no wrong or right way to pray. The purpose of the prayer is what matters.
Our Father,
Thank You for ripping the veil and allowing us access to Your throne. Thank You, God, for the ability to come to you with all of our cares and worries and cast them on You. Help our hearts to have the right motives when we approach You. Let nothing distract us from talking to our Creator. Free us from any misconceptions of prayer so that we can come to You in prayer as often as we need to. Help us to trust that our prayers will be answered. Help us to seek Your will above our own in every situation.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Check out the latest podcast episode: Essentials of Prayer
There was a time in my life where I felt so lonely that it led to despair and depression. I prayed and hung out with friends, but nothing seemed to help. I eventually talked to my pastor about it and he recommended seeing a Christian therapist. There’s a stigma around seeing a therapist. I was totally against it at first. I thought it was only for crazy people. I thought that I was strong enough on my own to deal with it even though I felt so weak. I felt that I wasn’t needed, loved, or wanted. I felt isolated and abandoned.
Even though I had all of those feelings swimming around in my head, I thought I could overcome them on my own. But the thoughts were pervasive. It got to a point where it was the only thing I could think about. I felt like there was no hope. That’s when I finally realized these thoughts weren’t healthy and they were making me push people away. I made an appointment to see a licensed therapist the same day. It was the best decision I have ever made.
She gave me some coping mechanisms to help me combat loneliness and despair. She told me to find some scriptures that really stood out to me, write them down and read them aloud to myself every time I felt lonely or abandoned. These are some scriptures that help me deal with loneliness:
Psalm 25:16-17 says, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”
Here, David is crying out to God because his own son was against him, the men of Israel went after him, and he was forced to flee from the city and leave his house and family. These verses remind me to always turn to God. He is always there even when no one else is. This reminds me to put my hope in Him always. People can only do so much but God will always comfort me.
Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
To give this a little context, Moses had just died making Joshua the leader of the Israelites. Now, Joshua is tasked with taking God’s people into the promised land. Though this verse doesn’t deal with loneliness specifically, it still comforts me because it lets me know that God is with me. I don’t have to be afraid or fear anything, even loneliness. I can be strong and courageous because God is with me wherever I go.
Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet He did not sin.”
This is a verse I go to whenever I feel discouraged in any way, including feeling lonely. This verse helps me because it lets me know that God understands what I’m feeling. He knows and can empathize with what I’m going through. While on earth Jesus felt the same emotions I feel and yet he did not sin. I can look to him when I feel down and know that he experienced the same thing I did and decided to still follow God. He decided to persevere and keep pressing forward.
It could be so easy to reach out to someone to ease the loneliness, but where would that lead me? It would take away the loneliness for a little while, but then where would I stand with God? What would the moment of temporary pleasure really cost me? This person I’m reaching out to for intimacy will eventually leave, making me feel even more lonely. That person didn’t promise me anything but God promised He would never leave nor forsake me.
Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” God promised that He wouldn’t leave me. He won’t abandon me or leave me helpless. God has my back. He keeps His promises. I’m grateful that He does. This verse reminds me to be grateful for my life as it is right now. Even though I feel lonely right now, I have so much more to be thankful for. Focusing on what I do have and how blessed I am, help me to forget about those feelings of loneliness.
Another way my therapist taught me to battle loneliness is to ask myself what happened to make me feel lonely? Was there an event or something someone did that caused me to feel this way? Why did it make me feel this way? I reflect on my actions and the actions of others and take these questions to the Lord. I seek Him to find out why it triggered me to feel lonely or abandoned. Then I think about something that made me feel loved. I go to the Lord and ask why does this make me feel loved? How can I feel this all of the time?
I write down these thoughts and scriptures in my journal. So the next time I’m feeling a little lonely or forsaken I can go back to my journal and read the revelations God had given me before. I look back and see how faithful God is. I also write down ways to remember how loved I am. How though, I may be alone, I don’t have to feel lonely. This prompted me to start writing to my future husband. I write letters and prayers for my future husband. This helps me to not only remember God’s promises but wait in expectation for them.
If journaling isn’t your thing, find a way that’s unique to you so that you can remember God’s victories. Also, remember that loneliness is just a feeling that will pass. Don’t make any permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. If you feel like it won’t pass, or you’ve felt lonely for a long while, seek help from a professional.
Another thing she told me to do to combat loneliness is to reach out to my friends. That’s why it’s so important to have a good circle of friends that can offer Godly counsel and who you trust. They can pray for you, they can give you scriptures to read, and they can just encourage you to keep living. You all can get together and discuss whatever is going on.
Always go to God in prayer. Be open to God doing new things in your life, like sending you to a therapist. Though journaling is a great way to remember past victories, don’t put God in a box and expect Him to do the same exact thing every time. Let’s make a distinction. Singleness doesn’t necessarily equate to loneliness. Everyone feels lonely at one time or another. They could be by themselves or in a large crowd. Your relationship status doesn’t determine how lonely you feel.The most important thing to remember is, that God will not leave you. He will not forsake you. He loves you and wants you complete and whole. Go to God, He will help you.
Our Father,
Thank You, God, for showing us how to cope with feelings of loneliness. Help us to be honest about how we are feeling and confide in You. Show us the root of these feelings so we can cast them out. Help us to depend on You alone for comfort. Lead us to the support we need to be closer to You. Help us to be courageous and know that You are always with us. Let us remember that we are never truly alone. Reveal who we can trust. Help us to put our guard down and be free in You. Thank You for loving us, God.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Watch the latest podcast episode: Dealing With Loneliness
I feel like giving up. Is all this really worth it? Everything is on my nerves. It seems like everyone else is getting exactly what they want and I’m over here waiting. Other people are living any kind of way and still getting promises. Is there something more I can do? I don’t want to hurry God along, but my goodness, He sure is taking His sweet time.
I’ve heard it all before. Those people seem like they have it all, but I don’t know the state of their soul. I don’t know what they had to do to get that. Well, you’re right. I don’t know the state of their soul, but they sure do look happy with those new cars, houses, and husbands. I don’t know what they’re doing to get all that, but I do know what I’m not doing and that I don’t have all that. They look like wives and mothers and I look like super-saved Sally. I’m exhausted. Maybe I’m doing too much or not doing enough. I don’t know.
I do know that blessings are not necessarily material things. I know that God also gives us spiritual blessings. But, sometimes I want the material things. It sounds bad, but it’s true. My focus should really be on pleasing God and seeking what He has for me to do in this waiting season. I’m sure my patience is being tested and I’ll have an awesome testimony on the other side of this. I’m just not feeling it right now.
I really appreciate all those people who waited 50 and 60 years for God to deliver His promise, but honestly, I don’t want that to be my testimony. God, can I be one of those ‘suddenly it happened’ people? I don’t want to have to wait forever. I know it’s whiny and selfish. I should be grateful for the way my life is right now. I am grateful for my life, mostly anyway. In the grand scheme of things, my waiting season hasn’t been that long. It just feels like it’s been forever.
I’m not just talking about marriage, house, and kids. I’m talking about whatever big or small thing is next. Whatever will take me out of this holding pattern. I know the waiting period has a purpose–to make sure I’m in a position to receive the next thing God has for me. That’s why I don’t understand how I got into this headspace. One day I just woke up and was tired of doing it all. Tired of being a leader. Tired of answering questions. Tired of being the poster child of a saved single woman. I want to quit.
I had to call on God. I told Him through prayer and journaling how I honestly feel. I want to wait with anticipation, expectation, and hope, but it’s hard right now. The problem is I don’t know why it’s so hard. Usually, I pray and read scripture, talk to God and some friends and I find encouragement. Usually, I am able to make it through this feeling. This time feels different. I really want to be grateful and obedient but it’s a real struggle right now.
I’m probably on the verge of some big breakthrough or receiving God’s promise. I feel like I’m hitting a wall and I’m just tired of everything. I want to stop everything. I know it’s my flesh rebelling against submitting to God. But again I ask, why now? Why do I feel this so strongly? I get like this from time to time and the only thing I can do is rely on God to renew my strength. His grace is sufficient and His power and strength are made perfect in my weakness. I gladly boast about how weak I’m feeling because I’m only making it through because of God’s power and strength.
I’m grateful that even this is working for my good. I don’t know how yet but I’m glad it is. I’m glad that I serve a God that gives me what I need when I need it. I’m so grateful that I can cry out to God and tell Him how I truly feel. I’m glad that I don’t feel the need to wear a mask and hide how I’m feeling. I’m thankful that God restores me and strengthens me. I’m happy that I can ask Him to help me with my unbelief.
I know that now is the time to press deeper into God, not run away. I have to trust Him now more than ever. I am totally relying on His strength. I cannot do this alone. I cannot rely on my feelings, I have to rely on my faith in Him. My faith tells me that Jesus is Lord and I have the Holy Spirit leading and guiding me. My feelings are telling me to quit everything and just do whatever I want to do.
Thank God, for His Holy Spirit. It’s a struggle, but I choose to crucify my flesh and follow Christ. I know what He has for me will be worth the wait. He didn’t bring me this far to leave me. I still love and trust Him, I just have to dig a little deeper to keep Him first. God is a promise keeper. God is faithful. I can’t lose sight of the promise. I don’t want anything less than what God has promised. I’ll just have to make sure that I’m grounded in God and constantly being led by the Holy Spirit. I’m not giving up, I’m still patiently waiting on the Lord.
Our Father,
Thank You, God, for my life as it is right now. Thank you that I am able to trust in You and You will renew my strength. Thank You, Father, that I can come to You with my honest feelings and thoughts. You give rest to the weary. I thank You for rest God. Help me to not compare my journey to the journey of others Lord. I believe that what You have for me will be worth the wait. Father, please remove every negative thought and feeling and help me to focus on You. Help me to renew my mind and crucify my flesh as often as necessary. Help me to think about things that are pleasing and worthy of praise. Help me to submit to You in every area of my life.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
I feel like giving up. Is all this really worth it? Everything is on my nerves. It seems like everyone else is getting exactly what they want and I’m over here waiting. Other people are living any kind of way and still getting promises. Is there something more I can do? I don’t want to hurry God along, but my goodness, He sure is taking His sweet time.