Category:

Grace

Dusty Man Trap

Posted on September 7, 2019
falling short with dusty men

Overall dating has been fun and exciting. I have met some really great guys and some dusty crusties. But recently I fell into a dusty man trap.  I usually don’t dwell too much on the unpleasant experiences, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s how I fell into a dusty-man trap.

I always protect the innocent, so I’ll call this guy Gary. Sorry to anyone named Gary. It’s not personal. I have 5 things a guy must meet before I decide to go on a date with him. 

  1. Christian
  2. Have a job
  3. Have a car
  4. Have his own place to stay
  5. No more than 1 child, but preferably none

How it Started

I mentioned those criteria because I went out on 2 dates with a guy that, unbeknownst to me, didn’t meet any of them. He was a dusty man.  Let’s start at the beginning. I met Gary back in the early part of the year. We messaged and talked for a few weeks but for whatever reason, we stopped talking. I don’t remember why we stopped, I just remember that we did. 

Then summer hits and I get a text from an unknown number. I respond out of curiosity. It’s Gary! We chat for a while and decide to go out. During the course of this chatting, I ask why we initially stopped talking and he changed the subject.  Looking back that should have been my first red flag.

We had trouble finding a time to go out because I’m a busy woman. I don’t cancel the plans I already made for a date. So we talked for about 2 weeks before we actually met up. During this time I asked all the questions to make sure he met my first date criteria. He lied, but I had no way of knowing at the time.

The Meetup

A couple of days before we are supposed to go out he calls and says that he just has to see me. I said we’re supposed to go out soon can’t you just wait? He said no, he has to see me right away. This is a Sunday morning and I’m getting ready for church. I really didn’t have time for a meet and greet. He kept calling and texting until I finally agreed to meet him. This should have been my second red flag.

I get ready super fast and meet him at an agreed-upon location near my church. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to invite him to the church I’m always talking about. It’s late June or early July, but either way, it’s super hot. The air in my car isn’t working that well so I’m sitting there sweating. Here comes Gary rolling up.  He hops out of the car in the most unflattering outfit I’ve ever seen. He had on a shirt with holes, basketball shorts, socks that didn’t quite cover his ashy knees, and slides.

Disappointment

At this point I’m thinking to myself, you just had to see me and this is how you look? I’m super annoyed. He gets out of the car and saunters over like he is God’s gift to women. I purse my lips in preparation for nonsense to come out of his mouth. And it did. He starts talking about how he couldn’t wait until our date to see me.

He’s licking his crusty lips every five seconds. I was so distracted by his appearance I really don’t remember what he said except that it could have waited until our date. I don’t say anything because I’m hot and annoyed. Plus he looked dusty. I let him talk for about 5 minutes then say I need to leave. At this point, I’m devising a plan in my head on how to let him down easy. But it didn’t go exactly as planned. 

Falling Into the Trap

The next day I call him and we’re keeping it light at first. Talking about everything and nothing. Then I hit him with I the I’m not romantically interested and I think we should be friends. He says cool, but he would still like to hang out. I have no idea why, but I agree. This is how I fell into the dusty-man trap.  As the week progresses, he calls me and says his car is in the shop and that he lost his debit card. It sounds really suspicious but I say ok, do you want to hang out another time? He says no, he really wants to see me again.

We go out, he meets me at the location. I have no idea how he got there. We have an okay time.  He pays for the date with a wad of cash. At this point, I’m determined to break things off. Then he asks me for a ride home. I give him one and on my way back to my house I am fussing at myself for going out with this dusty, crusty man.  Mind you, he didn’t dress any better for our date. 

The more we talk, the more I find out about him. He really doesn’t have a job. He also doesn’t have a stable place to live. He goes in-between family member’s houses. There’s nothing wrong with this. I get that that people go through hard times, but why lie about it and try to date on top of that?

Lessons Learned

But, I ended up going out with him again. Don’t ask me why. Perhaps I needed to learn a lesson about smooth-talking dusty men. Maybe I thought I could help. In the end, I realized that I’m not the type of woman that can date potential. I need to see some actual results. I need to see your plan taking shape. I’m not asking any man to be at the final place, but I need to see steps being taken in that direction.

I also learned not to be so hard on myself. I should not have gone out with Gary. There were a lot of red flags that I ignored because he had nice pictures online. Those pictures didn’t match reality by the way.  I serve a forgiving God who said there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If I’m in Christ, which I am, why should I condemn and be so hard on myself? I had to forgive myself for being foolish, believing lies, and falling into a dusty-man trap.  I survived though. Now, I will pay attention to red flags. 

I had to go back to God and find out what I really want. I won’t be making a dusty man mistake again. I can move forward with the knowledge that God wants me to be happy and that I will be.  Still out here dating, but I’m taking my time. Vetting men a little more than I used to. I’m grateful for the experience. Glad to know that God’s got me even when I mess up.

Thanks for joining me on my journey of singleness!

Kim

Recommended Reading:

http://www.singleinchrist.org/a-prayer-for-you/

www.singleinchrist.org/dating-lessons-learned/

www.glendablogz.com

Pray and Wait

Posted on July 27, 2019

As Christian singles, especially single Christian women, we are advised to pray and wait. For every conceivable request, the answer is, and I think will probably always be, pray and wait. God will give you the desires of your heart girl, just pray and wait. He’s going to do it. Don’t give up, keep on praying and waiting. So, what happens when that advice isn’t working?

Advice for Christian Singles

I have even given that advice before. Just hold on to the promise. Don’t lose faith. It will be worth the wait. Keep praying. What no one discusses is the fact that the pray and wait mentality can lead to passivity. It can lead to a bunch of nothing. It can lead to frustrated men and women who are sick and tired of waiting and praying.

I do not believe the intention behind the advice to wait and pray is for the person to just sit back and expect God to do all the work. Nonetheless, it has that effect. People place all the responsibility on God and none on themselves. They get mad at God for not moving on their behalf and jump ahead of Him or abandon His promises altogether.

Talking About Me

Let me be clear when I say people I’m talking about me. I’m people. I thought that praying and waiting literally meant just that. I would pray about a thing, then wait for God to do something. So, I waited and waited. Nothing happened. I prayed again, thinking my prayer wasn’t good enough. Then nothing happened. This process was so frustrating. I decided my faith wasn’t strong enough. 

I prayed again, this time in faith.  Quoting scriptures, and writing declarations, I was so sure God would deliver this time. I was confident. But, nothing happened. Life went on as normal. The problem was that while I was praying and waiting, I wasn’t doing anything. All I did was serve in my church and community.   

Serving

Don’t get me wrong, you’re supposed to get involved in your local church and serve others while you wait. But isn’t that what I should be doing anyway? Regardless of if I’m waiting on God or not, shouldn’t I still be serving Him and His people? 

So, what now? I believe the “pray and wait” advice creates a mentality that the person praying and waiting only has to do these 2 things and whatever they want God will deliver. It makes God into this magical genie that gives you exactly what.

Prayer With Works Is Alive

I’m not discounting prayer or waiting. I believe that God will do what He said He will do. I also believe that I have to do my part. Prayer with works is alive. It’s time to stop placing all of the responsibility, and consequently the blame, on God. He gave us wisdom. He gave us discernment. Why aren’t we using it?  

Waiting is not just about serving. It’s also about expecting the Lord to move.  Waiting is about putting yourself in the position so that when God does move, you’ll be prepared to act. The question is, while you’re waiting in expectation, have you placed yourself in the position for your strength to be renewed? Are you ready to mount up like eagles? Are you ready to run and not get weary? Run and not faint? 

Just Do It

None of those things are passive. These things require movement on your part. Your job in the wait is to know that God will move on your behalf once you move, once you make your faith alive. He will renew your strength as you expect Him to do what He said. Don’t take this as an opportunity to do nothing. God will guide you.  Continue to trust Him.

I’m not against prayer or waiting. In fact, I believe that prayer is one of the most important things we can do. Prayer must spur us into action though. It’s in prayer that God gives us the action plan. It’s in prayer that He shows us what we can do. It’s up to us to actually do it. So, create a plan around that idea God gave you. 

Let’s pray and then act. You want to get married, date. You want to own a business, incorporate with the state. You want another job, start applying. Continue to pray and then be led by the Holy Spirit to move. Allow God to guide your decisions through prayer. His promises are still yes and amen! 

Thanks for following me on my single journey!

-Kim

Recommended Resources

https://www.gotquestions.org/wait-on-the-Lord.html

Related Articles

https://www.singleinchrist.org/?s=obedience

Keep The Faith Part 2

Posted on July 20, 2018

Last week I posted about an encounter I had with an older woman who lost her faith in being married. The reason her story resonated with me is that I was once in that place. My faith in God wavered in many areas especially the area of getting married.

I feared that I would marry the wrong person. I convinced myself that I would marry an unfaithful man that really didn’t like me. I couldn’t shake the fear that I would marry this awful man who fooled me in the beginning and then revealed his true nature after marriage.

I thought if this is what I’m destined for, why get married at all? Why should I hope and have faith in God for something that would destroy me? I decided to just be that great friend who is always single or that fantastic aunt that gives her nieces and nephews the best gifts because she didn’t have any kids of her own.

I suspect the fear came from past relationships where I felt it started out wonderfully, then turned horrible. I couldn’t see anything else for myself. I forgot that faith isn’t about what I see. That fear developed into doubt. I didn’t trust God. I didn’t believe He could do what He promised.

I convinced myself that I didn’t even want a husband or kids. There weren’t any male prospects around me. I felt really lonely and bad about myself. I lost hope. I stopped praying because I didn’t think God heard me. I honestly thought He was punishing me for mistakes I made in the past. Instead of turning to God and casting my cares on Him so He can exalt me at the proper time, I turned to myself. I created a vision for my life that didn’t include the will of God.

I lost hope for the better part of a year. I literally felt like His grace left me. I felt like I was on my own, forever. It was a terrible feeling.  I doubted Him and forgot His promises. I forgot that He told me that I will be a wife and mother. I forgot He told me that grace is a gift from Him that I can’t earn. I forgot that nothing can separate me from His love. I forgot that the will of God is pleasing, good, and perfect. I forgot that the blessings of the Lord make me rich and won’t give me any sorrow.  I lost sight of Him. I allowed my emotions to rule me.

Instead of loving God with all of my mind, heart, and soul, I loved only myself. I put on the appearance of a Christian without living the lifestyle. I know all the churchy buzzwords to make it seem like I’m fantastic. Thank God that He knows my heart. He knew the pain and hopelessness I felt. He restored me. He gave me an unshakable faith in Him by sending people to speak life over me.

He sent His people to remind me of His promises. He told me that marriage is in His will for my life. He told me that I will be happy and loved. He told me that I am lovable. He told me that I will be a mother. He told me that He didn’t give me the spirit of fear. I chose to believe Him. I asked Him for forgiveness and to renew my mind. Renewal is a process.

I still have to tell myself daily that I trust in the Lord and in His timing. I still have to tell myself that I am a wife and mother. Notice that I use the present tense. I have to see myself as God sees me. He sees my entire future and I believe that in His perfect timing I will be a wife and mother. I believe that I am and will be happy.

I see now that loving and trusting God is a daily (or more often) choice. I choose to trust Him. I choose to pray and be honest about how I’m feeling. I choose to have daily affirmations that remind me of His promises for my life. I choose to remain in fellowship with those that speak life over me and remind me to keep God first.

If you have ever lost hope, my prayer is that this encourages you to seek God. Be honest with how and why you’re feeling the way you are. God hasn’t left you. He’s not punishing you for anything. I pray you are able to feel how much He loves you. I pray He sends angels to encircle you and encourage you. I pray that you surround yourself with people who will speak life into you if you’re struggling to believe. I’m a living witness that you can be restored. Your faith can increase. I pray that you are encouraged and continue to keep the faith.

Heavenly Father,

I praise You in advance for Your will being done in our lives. Thank You for every promise that You have spoken over us. I choose to cast down doubt and fear and live in the power and love that You have given us. I choose to trust You, Lord. I choose to seek You diligently. I choose to put You first in every area of my life. Renew our mind,  Lord. Help us to have the attitude and mind of Christ. Thank You Holy Spirit, for leading and guiding us into all truth. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Mark 11:22-24 (NIV)

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Keep the Faith

Posted on July 13, 2018

I was speaking with an older woman who had given up the hope of ever getting married. She thought she should have been married at her age. She kept believing and hoping in God for the majority of her life, but as the years kept passing, with no real prospect in sight, she eventually lost hope. She now believes that she will never be wife or mother.

Several people, including me, tried to encourage her and tell her to keep the faith. We told her that God is faithful and just to deliver His promises. We told her losing hope gives one a pessimistic viewpoint on everything. Although she listened to our words of encouragement, I could tell that we had not changed her mind. She had lost hope. She had given up.

As this realization dawned on me, I couldn’t help but wonder, what happens to her now? What happens to people who lose their faith in God? What happens to God’s plan for their life? Is there any way that faith can be restored?

To answer these questions, I first looked at what faith is. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.” I’m sure most of us have heard that scripture our entire lives and can even quote it, but what does it really mean?

Having faith really boils down to trusting God. Faith is having a confident expectation, a forward look with assurance. Faith is an expectation of a desire and proof of things we cannot yet see. Faith requires a person to wait in expectancy. Faith requires a person to have righteous desires and have the assurance that those desires will come to pass.

Faith isn’t just about believing God for certain things, it’s about believing that God is real and that He is who He says He is. Hebrews 11:6 says, “Now without faith it is impossible to please Him, for the one who approaches God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.”

God is not pleased with those who do not have faith. He rewards those who through faith seek Him. By losing hope in God, you risk His displeasure with you. John 15:6 says, “If anyone does not remain in me, he is thrown out like a branch, and dries up; and such branches are gathered and thrown into the fire, and are burned up.” I certainly don’t want to experience God’s displeasure. I’m sure you don’t either, so be sure to faithfully remain in God.

God’s plan continues with or without you. Matthew 25 contains the parable of the talents. The master gives three people a sum of money, leaves, and does not tell them when He is returning. Two of the three make more money, but one is fearful and hides the money. When the master comes back, he commends the two, but about the one he says, “Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.” (Matthew 23:28-29)

If your faith in God is lost, you cannot be obedient and you cannot remain in His will. You will lose out on the promises He has for you. They will be given to those who are faithful and obedient. God’s plan will be realized (Isaiah 55:11) so it’s best for you to be part of His plan.

It’s possible to restore faith in God because faith is a gift from God. It doesn’t come from works, it cannot be earned, it comes through grace (Ephesians 2:8-9). If you have lost faith repent, ask God for forgiveness, and ask Him to renew your mind. It’s not too late to start operating in faith instead of fear. Learn to lean on God and expect Him to come through for you. Don’t give up on God, He will never give up on you.

Our Father,

Thank You for increasing our faith in You. Help us to see You as strong and mighty. Holy Spirit bring to our memories every time that God has delivered on His promises. Help us to remember that God does not lie and His word does not return to Him void. Let us walk in expectation and have a confident assurance that God will do what He said He would do.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Matthew 17:20 NET

“He told them, “It was because of your little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; nothing will be impossible for you.”

Choosing Happiness

Posted on May 12, 2018

I believe there is always a choice. We can choose life and blessings or death and curses. We can choose to see the good in a situation or choose to concentrate on the negative. It all depends on your perspective. From now on, I’m choosing happiness.

I recently was blessed with the opportunity to care for some lovely children. What I learned from the experience is that I’m grateful for the way my life is right now. Although I’m not married and have no children, I’m choosing to be happy with my life. I choose to see the benefits of being single.

I don’t have to consider someone else’s schedule when I plan mine. I get to spend my money on things that I want to spend my money on. I only have to consult God. I don’t have to depend on or rely on anyone else but God, and that’s actually very freeing.

I sometimes get so caught up in preparing for and anticipating the next stage, that I forget to enjoy the now. I want to savor this stage of my life. I got a small glimpse into what my future may hold and I just thank God for this season. Yes, I still desire marriage and children, but I can definitely wait. I’m sure my next season will be wonderful. But this season is just as wonderful. Thank God I am fully realizing how truly blessed I am.

During this time, I get to spend as much time with God as I want. I only have to worry about myself. I can be as spontaneous as I desire. I don’t know how much longer my single season will last but I want to enjoy every minute of it. I want to make sure that when I look back at this time of my life, I can say that I have no regrets. I took risks, I did what God told me to do. I fulfilled my purpose.

Now is the best time to do it. I have the time to live fully for God. Not that married people can’t live fully for God, they just have added considerations single people don’t. I’m choosing to see how happy I can be right now. I don’t have to wait for contentment. I don’t have to wait for happiness. I can be whole, happy, and confident right now. A husband and kids aren’t the rewards. My reward is in Jesus. I choose to delight in Him. I choose life. I choose happiness.  I’m certainly not advocating singleness over marriage. I just want to encourage everyone to choose gratefulness right now.

Everyone wants to be happy. One way to obtain happiness is by being grateful for the things you have right now. Take stock of your life and find things that you have that you’ve prayed for. They don’t have to be so-called big things. I’m grateful for life, health, friends, and family.

I was once diagnosed with a condition called papilledema. It’s the swelling of the optic nerve and I was in danger of losing my sight. I remember how I prayed and prayed. Yet to this day I can see. I did have to undergo some medical procedures, but God saw me through. He’s allowed me to be able to see. I choose to celebrate Him and be happy for my sight. I’m grateful that God answers prayers.

There will be trouble. I’m not saying don’t recognize it or address it. I’m saying to choose life and blessings despite the troubles. Choose to see God through it all. Choose happiness. Choose joy. There will always be a choice. It’s not always easy to choose the brighter side. It may take a while to renew your mind. You will have to think differently than you have before. That’s fine. God is always there to help you.  He has the power to renew your way of thinking. Choose happiness. Choose life and blessings so that you can live.

Our Father,

Thank You, God, for everything You have given me. Help me to be grateful for my life as it is right now. Let me not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of my mind in Jesus. Help me to put on the attitude of Christ and think on things that are praiseworthy and good. Help me, God, to shift my perspective and choose You. Help me to choose life and prosperity. Help me to live for You each day. Give me the strength to wait for what You have for me. Help me to put my hopes in You alone. God, You are my refuge. I delight in You. Thank You, God, for restoration and renewal. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Deuteronomy 30:15-16 (NLT)

“Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees, and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

 

Check out the latest podcast episode: Happy, Holy, and Single

 

Resurrection Weekend

Posted on March 30, 2018

There will be no official post this week. I challenge you to spend this Resurrection Weekend becoming more intimate with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There are some scriptures listed below. Please take some time out this weekend to read them and know just how much Jesus sacrificed for us.

“As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples…’” Mark 16:5-7

“He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’” Luke 24:6-7

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.” Matt. 28:6

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live,” John 11:25

“And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.”  1 Cor. 6:14

“We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.” Romans 6:4-5

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,” 1 Pet. 1:3

“For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” John 6:40

“For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” 1 Thess. 4:14

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.” Rom. 8:11

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last, he will stand upon the earth…” Job 19:25

“That you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” Eph. 1:18-21

“That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,” Phil. 3:10

“He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.” 1 Cor. 15:4

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” 1 Pet. 1:3-4

“And with great power, the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all.” Acts 4:33

“Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Rom. 6:8-11

“And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit.” Rom. 1:4

“Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” Romans 8:34

“He will swallow up death in victory, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces.” Isaiah 25:8

“For as by a man came death, by a man has come to the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive.” 1 Corinthians 15:21-22

“We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.” Romans 6:9

“He was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.” Romans 4:25

“Having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.” Col. 2:12

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9*

 

 

 

 

*Taken from 25 Resurrection Scriptures to Celebrate: He Has Risen!

 

Online Dating

Posted on March 23, 2018

Is Online Dating wrong for Christians? Not necessarily. But, let me tell you my story.

Back in the summer of 2015 on the advice of some friends I joined an online dating site.
Before I joined I always said I don’t think I’m going to meet my husband online. I just never felt that way. I joined anyway.

I went on my first online date in the summer of 2015. Although I was super nervous, the date went well. He was a gentleman. He walked me to my car and pulled out my chair. After the date, we even continued to talk, but it eventually fizzled out.

After that, there were a series of guys I talked to online. Nothing really ever came from those interactions either. After talking to a guy and it not working out, I would always go back to feeling like I’m not even supposed to be online dating in the first place.

I felt like it was a distraction from what I was really supposed to be doing and a waste of time. Yet, I persisted. I wanted to give online dating a real shot because some of my friends met really good guys from online dating.

I mean really good Christian guys and some were even getting married to these men they met online.

Even though I persisted, I always had a little tugging in my spirit saying that this isn’t really for me. By this time it is late 2016. I tell myself that if I’m going to do this, I will try out a paid online dating site. So I take my profile down from the free site and pay real actual dollars to meet men online.

I met a few men, and I went on a date with 2 of them. The first one was bad.He basically said that all he wanted was sex. I said thanks for being honest but Nah.The next date I went on was the worst date of my life.

After that date, I decided to take a break. I took down every profile and sat myself down.Here are some lessons I learned from my experience of online dating:

Although online dating by itself is not sinful, it’s not for me.

1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.”

I could have been in a very different place in my life had I just listened to the Holy Spirit. There is no telling what my life would be like right now.

I’m not going to beat myself up about it though because Romans 8:1 says, “so now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

I’m not condemned for my mistakes. I’m forgiven and through God’s mercy and grace, I have another chance to do it right.
I learned to listen to and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:16 says, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
Had I been following the direction of the Holy Spirit I would have saved myself some time, money, and headache.

Ultimately what I want is for God to be glorified in my waiting, dating, and marriage.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

I have to make sure that all of my decisions and actions give God the glory. That definitely wasn’t happening when I was online dating. My motive was to find a husband, not to glorify God.

So is online dating wrong?

Not necessarily. But for me, it is, at least for right now. As I said before, I’m deciding to be more open to whatever God has for me and if He tells me to go online then that’s what I’ll do.The most important thing is to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and make sure God is getting the glory out of everything.

Online dating may not be wrong for you. But don’t try to match anyone else’s story. God has written a unique and amazing story for each and every one of us. They all don’t have to be the same.

Some may meet their husband or wife online, some may meet them at Walmart. Just follow God. He’ll tell you what’s right or wrong.

Our Father,

God, I come to You asking that I allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me into all truth. I ask that the desires of my heart match Your will for me. Let me not be distracted. Let every decision I make and every action I take be for Your glory. Thank You, God, for forgiveness. Help me to not relive old mistakes, but keep pressing forward in You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

 

Check out my latest podcast episode: Is Online Dating Wrong?

 

 

 

What’s On the Other Side of Obedience?

Posted on February 16, 2018

Have you ever wondered what’s on the other side of obedience? What would happen if we all obeyed God like we say we want to? What would our life look like? What would the world look like?

Seeing the results of our obedience starts with us being obedient to God and His commands. How can we do this? How can we be more obedient to God? First, we must love Him. John 14:15 says, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” Do you love God? If your answer is yes, then I urge you to examine how obedient you are to His commandments. This is a tough area for me personally because I’m not always obedient to what God says to do. That’s why I’m so thankful for His grace and mercy. I’m thankful that He never gives up on me. I’m grateful that I get more than one chance to be obedient. He shows His love to me by giving me life every single day. All I have to do to show my love to God is to be obedient to Him.

As Christians, we should always look to Christ as an example of how we should obey. In Philippians Paul encourages us to have the attitude of Christ.  Philippians 2:6-8 says, “Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born a human being. When he appeared in human form, He humbled Himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”

In order to be obedient, we have to become more like Christ. We have to humble ourselves like Jesus did. Jesus gave up His divinity in order to save us. He gave up all of His privileges to be obedient to God. He didn’t think more highly of Himself than he could have. He wasn’t selfish. He was loving and compassionate. He worked with one purpose in mind, to obey His Father. In order to be obedient to God, we have to do exactly as Christ did. We have to lay down our own fleshly and selfish desires and put on the characteristics of Christ.  We have to know our purpose and pursue it. God isn’t asking us to make the ultimate sacrifice like Jesus did, He’s just asking us to put Him first and obey Him.

Once we obey God, what’s on the other side of obedience? 2 Chronicles 27:6 says, “King Jotham became powerful because he was careful to live in obedience to the LORD his God.” God gives us power when we are careful to live in obedience to Him. Ezekiel 20:13 says, “But the people of Israel rebelled against me, and they refused to obey my decrees there in the wilderness. They wouldn’t obey my regulations even though obedience would have given them life…” There is life on the other side of obedience. In this context, life means restoration, protection, and prosperity. Job 36:11 says, “If they listen and obey God, they will be blessed with prosperity throughout their lives. All their years will be pleasant.” On the other side of obedience is your blessing. On the other side of obedience is pleasantness. All of your years will be pleasant, not just some.

Let’s look back at Jesus. What was on the other side of His obedience?  Philippians 2:9-11says, ” Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names,  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Jesus was elevated and given honor. Once we are obedient to God, he will elevate and honor us when the time is right. Let’s not forget the best thing on the other side of obedience, eternal life. 1 Corinthians 9:25 says, “ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” We do this for an eternal prize. We obey for eternal life. We obey so that we can live forever in Heaven with our Father, God. On the other side of obeying God is restoration, protection, prosperity, blessing, pleasant years, power, honor, elevation, and most important eternal life in heaven. We get to live forever when we obey God.

Obeying God shouldn’t be about obtaining blessings and favor, although those are great things. We should obey God because He is good and what He has for us is always better than the alternative. God has done so much for us and all He asks in return is that we love Him and obey His commandments. Granted, that isn’t always easy. But why isn’t it easy when we see all that we get from obedience, not only in this life but also in the hereafter? Disobedience not only delays our destiny but the destiny of those people who need our  God-given gifts. We are needed in the earth. We all have a purpose from God and are needed to accomplish His will. If we don’t obey God, what’s on the other side of disobedience?

Judges 2:10-13 says, “After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths.” Disobedience arouses God’s anger. Disobedience is a sin. Sin always separates us from God. Sin caused Adam and Eve to run away from God. Sin caused the people of Israel to run to other gods. Sin disrupts our relationship with God. When we aren’t in right relationship with God, we are outside of His protection. Our prayers don’t reach Him as well as they used to. On the other side of disobedience is God’s anger and separation from Him. So, what’s keeping us from fully obeying God? 

What has kept me from fully obeying God is following my own selfish desires. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Which really means that I didn’t trust God enough to keep me. I didn’t trust that God would do what He promised. What’s keeping you from fully obeying God? Do you trust Him? Do you love Him? Is there another reason? This is the perfect time to go to God and ask Him to reveal to you what’s really keeping you from obeying Him. Once you get the answer, ask Him how to turn from that. He loves all of us so much that He will reveal Himself strong in your weak area. We don’t have to do it alone. God has given us His strength to accomplish those things we can’t do on our own. That thing you’ve been praying for is on the other side of your obedience. God’s promises are on the other side of your obedience. All you have to do is love Him and obey.

Our Father,

You are awesome! We see what you have done for all those who are obedient to You. Thank you for showing us love, kindness, and mercy throughout our disobedience. We love You, God, show us how to obey you completely. Reveal what is hindering us from fully submitting to You. We desire eternal life with You. Help us to put You first and love You more. Help us to put on the attitude of Christ. Be strong where we are weak Lord. We desire to be in right relationship with You God. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

1 Samuel 15:22  (NLT)

But Samuel replied,

“What is more pleasing to the Lord:
    your burnt offerings and sacrifices
    or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
    and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

Confessions of a Lonely Girl

Posted on January 5, 2018

Listen, I’m not trying to be alone forever. These cold and boring nights have me feeling lonely and in need of a companion. I decided to hop on Plenty of Fish and see what’s out there. I told myself that I’m not committing to anyone. I’ll just swipe through some pictures and go to sleep. Why do I lie to myself?

I log in to Plenty of Fish and I already have two messages. The first message is a legit paragraph about how I should overlook his gold fronts because he always accomplishes his goals and that he’s not about playing games so I should just get at him. Oh boy, here we go. I don’t make up my mind about him just yet. I need more information. 

I look at his profile, and his gold fronts are definitely prominent in every photo. He even has some whole body pictures. I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s not bad-looking and I can get over the gold fronts. I scroll down to read more about him and see that he’s 44 years old. Hold up, that’s a little beyond my age range, but I continue to read. 44 isn’t that old right? Then I see that he has 4 kids. The kids are probably grown too. Ugh, no thank you, sir.

Next message is literally two words, “Hey there.” Okay, so he isn’t much of a conversationalist. That’s fine. I can find something on his profile to spark a conversation. I head over to his profile and he seems cool. He’s cute, a Christian, 36, and doesn’t have any kids.

I message him back saying, “Hello, how are you?” He replies, “Good.” The conversation is starting off a little slow, but I keep going. I reply, “Do you enjoy being a tattoo artist?” He says, “It’s good.” I roll my eyes in frustration. That’s it? Don’t you have any questions for me? Are you forcing me to keep the conversation going? No thank you. I’ve gone down this road too many times and I don’t feel like it. I’m done. I log off.

Why do I do this? I know online dating isn’t for me. Why do I allow myself to go on there when it’s always so disappointing? When I’m bored and a little lonely it’s tempting to log in to some app or website and be distracted by men that I know aren’t my husband. It feels good to know I’m attractive. It’s so tempting just to settle for the old man with 4 kids or the one-word reply guy because they are available.

Those guys are always there. They are always ready. They are always willing. It’s easy to keep the conversation going and not be lonely. It’s easy to date an established gentleman to have a companion.  I can have someone if I set aside my standards. Just for a little while. That would be easy right?

Thankfully I snapped back to reality and gave praise to God because whatever He has for me is great. No matter how many men I look at online, He won’t allow me to settle. He’s put a desire in me that I refuse to let go. I don’t know when it will come, or what it will look like exactly, but I know God is faithful. He will do what He said.

This new year I’ve resolved to study and pray when I get bored and lonely. I’ve resolved to call up a friend that’s been on my mind so we can encourage each other. I’ve resolved to finally drop my Plenty of Fish account so there won’t be the temptation to go fishing. I’ve resolved to put God first and live righteously.

I’m determined to take what God has placed in me and serve. I still don’t want to be alone forever, but I’ve realized that I was never really alone in the first place. I have a wonderful Father that loves me dearly. I have friends and family that want the best for me. I don’t have to be a lonely girl anymore.

Our Father,

Thank You for renewing my mind. Help me to not worry about tomorrow. Help me to put You first in all things. Allow me to delight in You and Your word. Help me to serve You as never before. Give me the strength to cast down thoughts that come against Your word and Your will. You are my joy. You are my peace. I place my hope in You, God.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

 

Living My Best Life

Posted on December 15, 2017

As I think about what I want to accomplish in the coming year, the phrase living my best life comes to mind. That phrase is not just a popular hashtag. It’s a phrase that encompasses an attitude about a life that I want to have. A certain freedom that I long for. What does living my best life really look like? Does it mean my dream life or making the best out of what I have now?

I believe I can have it now. I’m making the decision to be happy. Regardless of what is happening in my life, I can appreciate it. I can choose happiness. I can choose to have joy. My best life looks like me living for me. My best life looks like me making decisions that allow me to be free in my finances, free in my spirit, and free from emotional baggage. Living my best life looks like freedom. Freedom in all aspects of life.

I want to be free from the trappings and materialistic things the world says are necessary. I want to be free from other people’s opinions. I don’t want to sit at a desk working to build someone else’s dream. I cannot allow my God-given gifts to go to waste. I want to be free to pursue whatever passion God puts on my heart. The freedom I want is dependent solely on me and God. No one else gets a say.

Living my best life means that whether I’m married or single, I am who I was created to be. I don’t know how long that will take. Maybe it will happen next year, or maybe it will take a decade. I don’t know how long it may take but, I’ve decided to be free. I don’t want to be the old person with regrets. I’m willing to risk it all just for a moment of freedom.  I’m not even quite sure what this freedom looks like, but I know I’ll achieve it.

All I’ve ever seen is the daily grind. You wake up, go to work, come home, pay bills, live a little on the weekend, and that’s pretty much it. Isn’t there more to life? I’m not disparaging anyone living that life. There is nothing wrong with it. I am grateful for it. But this intense desire to be free came from God and I’m going to pursue it with everything in me. I can no longer ignore it. I can grow and live in the freedom God provides.

I cannot and will not allow myself to wonder if there is more to life. I’m going to find out. If I fail, I’ll still gain invaluable experience. But what if I succeed beyond my wildest dreams? What if I do better than I could have ever imagined? Honestly, that scares me the most. If I fail, then no big deal. I’d just be like a bunch of people who go to work and get a steady paycheck. If I succeed if I truly become free, then what? What will my life really look like? I’m ready to find out.

Now, living my best life is not an excuse to take advantage of God’s grace. The wages of sin are still death. I don’t want to die, I want to live. I still believe holiness is the standard. I’m not going to do anything reckless or dangerous. That’s not the type of freedom I’m describing. The type of freedom I want gives me options that allow me to pursue the things God puts on my heart.  

I think the first step to this type of freedom is deciding that I deserve happiness. I’m choosing life. I’m choosing joy. I’m choosing me. I’m choosing to live my best life. Living my best life will lead to me living my dream life. I’m absolutely convinced that it will. The great thing is, I can live my best life today. I don’t have to wait until some magic moment, I can do it now.  I’m ready for a fantastic year for me living my best life. I urge you to live your best life too.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the freedom You have given me through Your son, Jesus. Wherever the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. Your spirit is in me and I declare now that I am free in the name of Jesus. I set aside every weight and sin that so easily entrap me. I cast all of my cares and worries upon You Jesus. I receive my freedom now. I declare freedom in every area of my life. Thank You for the gift of freedom. Thank You for Your grace and mercy which allow me to move in the freedom You have given. Help me to choose You, to choose joy, to choose to live a life that is worthy of the calling You have placed upon my life. For all these things I bless Your name.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

2 Corinthians 3:17 (NLT)

For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.

John 8:36 (NIV)

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.