Category:

Faith

Insecurities

Posted on April 20, 2018

Ever since I was a small child I have struggled with insecurities. I don’t remember if it was one specific event or a series of events, but as far back as I can remember I’ve been very insecure. I remember thinking I was ugly and unwanted. I felt like if I disappeared no one would care or even be affected. I battled these feelings until my mid to late twenties.

As a result of my insecurities and feelings of worthlessness, I closed myself off. I became a loner and a people pleaser so that I wouldn’t get hurt. I never got too close to anyone because I didn’t want to feel the pain of rejection. The people I let get a little closer to me, I constantly tried to please.

I didn’t want my assumptions about people to be correct. I didn’t want to be hurt or rejected. The only way I knew how to not be hurt was to distance myself from people. I kept everyone at least an arm’s length distance from me. Which is just close enough for me to have the illusion of a relationship, but still far away enough that they wouldn’t know me enough to hurt me.

I felt like people never really understood me. But looking back, how could they? I was caught in this vicious cycle of longing for acceptance and understanding, but too fearful of the hurt to allow someone close enough to accept or understand me. This cycle went on for years. I just couldn’t seem to break it. In my early twenties, I accepted the fact that this would be my life.

Mind you I have been in church all of my life. I should have known the promises of God. I should have known what He thinks about me and how much He loves me. But I didn’t. That’s my own fault. I had access to the King and His kingdom my entire life but I didn’t take advantage. I didn’t put in the effort to simply enter in and experience His grace and loving mercy. I didn’t take the time to get to know God through our Savior and bask in His presence.

So I kept battling these insecurities and feelings of low self-esteem. Then came college. I thought that this would be the best opportunity for me to start over. I moved to a new place where people didn’t know me and I could hide how I really felt about myself. I put on a brave face and pretended like I was confident.

It worked for a while, at least I thought so. Looking back, I still had insecure tendencies. I still craved the acceptance of people. I still sought to please people in order to gain their approval. Those same thoughts and feelings were still lurking under the surface.

Though I presented to the world that I was confident, I think my new found freedom helped me to mask those feelings of insecurity better. No healing had taken place. No true deliverance occurred. I just became a master at pushing what I really felt down and away. I was living a facade.

Those deep-seeded feeling of insecurity and low self-esteem caused me to make bad decisions. I was making life decisions from a wounded place. My need for approval and my hurt and pain from perceived rejection got me into some pretty sticky situations. It’s only by the grace of God that I didn’t end up diseased, pregnant, or seriously injured.

By this time I’m nearing the end of college and I get into this relationship. I thought that this would be the answer to everything. I thought this relationship would finally heal me. Needless to say, it didn’t. The relationship only exposed my false confidence and it brought up all those insecurities I tried to hide. When someone wants to be that close to you, it’s hard to keep on the mask.

Fast forward five years and the relationship is over. I was alone, aloof, and distraught. I spiraled deeper and deeper into the already dark and discouraged recesses of my mind. I allowed those feelings to take a stronghold in my life and believed they were true. I believed what those thoughts said about me.

At this time when I envisioned my future, I saw a dark and lonely place. I saw a literal cloud hanging above me for the rest of my life. I didn’t think anything would ever lift me from this fog. I actually believed that there was no hope for me. That’s when I had my come to Jesus moment.

Through much prayer, tears, and counseling I learned how to fight against those thoughts. I learned that I don’t have to push the thoughts and feelings down. I have permission to feel. I can feel them and then push them away. Just because the thought came doesn’t mean it has to stay. I have control over what happens in my mind.

Though less frequent, the thoughts do still come. But instead of dwelling on them and believing them, I tell myself the truth about who I am and about whose I am.  I have a wall of affirmations that I say aloud every day. I put them up in my room, on my computer at work, and on my phone so that I have a constant reminder.

I admit I didn’t believe them at first. I had to say them with tears streaming down my face, but I still said them. I repeated these affirmations over and over until I received them in my heart. I often say them while I’m looking in the mirror because I need to see myself saying something positive about me. The affirmations remind me that I am somebody and my hope and confidence are in Jesus.

Here are a few of the affirmations I say daily:

I decree and declare that my words have power.

I believe that which I speak will manifest.

I speak with expectation.

I am more than a conqueror through Jesus.

I am smart, beautiful, and I make wise decisions.

I trust God and His timing.

I am happy, whole, and confident in the woman God has created me to be.

I am worthy.

I am valuable.

I am loved, loving, and lovable.

I have a lot more on my wall of affirmation. Reaching this point didn’t happen overnight. I started with a few affirmations that I would say and now I have 4 poster boards full. That old pain helped to push me into my purpose. It pushed me closer to God.

Your testimony may be different than mine, but I’m here to tell you that there is an after this. Seek God and He will provide healing and restoration. He rewards those that diligently seek Him. Your sense of self should not depend on what the world says you are or aren’t. Your self-esteem should only come from who you are in Christ.

Our Father,

Allow us to see who we are in You. Do not let us be fooled or tricked by the enemy. We believe what You say about us. We believe that we are etched in the palm of Your hand. We believe that we are loved and that nothing will ever separate us from Your love. We believe that You have deemed us worthy and valuable and that You do not lie. Thank You, God, for deliverance, healing, and restoration. Thank You, for making our stone hearts into flesh. Help us be confident in who we are in You.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Luke 12:7 (ESV)

Why even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Check out the latest podcast episode: Insecurities

Prayer

Posted on April 13, 2018

Prayer is an essential part of our relationship with God. Sometimes, for whatever reason, it’s hard to pray. I struggle with this more often than I’d like to admit. The natural question is how do we overcome that? How can we, despite our mood and environment, still talk to God?

I think one thing we should do is remove some misconceptions about prayer. Prayer is just talking to God. It’s just another way we communicate with God. I used to think prayer had to be done in a certain way and in a specific environment to be a “real prayer.” That’s just not true.

Prayer can be done in private or in public. Prayers can be said silently or aloud. Prayers can be said with your eyes open or closed, kneeling, standing, or walking. There is no way that is better than another. The most important thing is making sure your heart is in the right position.  We must be confident in the things we pray about. 1 John 5:24 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” We have to approach prayer knowing that He hears us and will answer. 

We must also make sure that we are praying with pure motives. We can’t be out to manipulate God into doing what we want Him to do. We have to seek His will above our own. I know this is tough. We all want what we want.  But we must endeavor to crucify our flesh. James 4:3 says, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” That’s why it’s so important, no matter how you pray, that your heart and mind are focused on God’s will. 

Okay, so what happens when your heart is for God and you still find it difficult to pray? Keep in mind that there is no length requirement for prayer. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “…constantly pray.” Which means you can pray to God throughout the day. There’s no right or wrong time to pray.  Pray whenever you get a chance for however long you feel you need to pray.

Paul wrote, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6–7) So we can pray about everything that concerns us. We should pray in every situation. God cares for us, we just need to talk to Him about what’s going on. Ask Him for help with everything.

If you’re still feeling a little stuck, send up a prayer of adoration. Just praise God for who He is. Or confess to God about some of the things you’ve done and agree with Him that you need forgiveness. You could pray a prayer of thanksgiving. Give thanks to God for what He’s done, what He’s doing, and what He’s going to do. You could also talk to God and tell Him what’s concerning you and then cast your cares on Him. You can do a combination of these or all of these, just as long as you’re talking to God from your heart.

Listen to some of your favorite worship music. You know the songs I’m talking about, the ones that always take you to the throne. When we worship God prayer usually flows naturally from there. You can also look back at your life and see how far God has brought you. When I do this I usually end up in a prayer thanking and praising God. Looking back allows you to see how good God really is and can be motivation to pray.

If you’re going through something, look up bible verses dealing with that subject and speak them back to God. For example, if I’m feeling lonely or confused or having a moment of doubt, I just look up verses about love, wisdom, or faith and speak those verses back to God over and over until I receive them in my heart.

I often use the Lord’s prayer sort of as jumping off point. This is a prayer that Jesus taught His disciples in Matthew 6:9-13. I like to say it because each part reminds me of my relationship with God and it makes it easier to communicate with Him.

Our Father in heaven: This reminds me that I have a close parent/child relationship with God. I can call Him Father. He is that close to me. And not only is He my Father, He’s our Father. Which means I’m not only in relationship with Him, but I have brothers and sisters in Christ all around the world that I’m in a relationship with as well. He’s our Father.

Hallowed be thy name: To hallow something means to honor it as holy, it means to revere and respect it. This reminds me of who God is and how I should treat Him. He is holy and I revere Him.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven: This reminds me to crucify my flesh with its selfish desires and pray for God’s will to be done. I want that same will that is happening in heaven to happen right here on earth.

Give us our daily bread: This reminds me that God’s mercy is new every day and that I also have to seek him daily for what I need and that I have to pray without ceasing.

Forgive Us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us: I have to ask for forgiveness for every sin and forgive others just like God forgave me. I have to be as forgiving as God is toward me. I have to show the same compassion and mercy towards others that God gives me daily.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil: This is a plea for protection from every trap, trial, and temptation set up by the enemy of our souls. God will never tempt us, this is a cry to God to help us not give in, to help us avoid sin. This helps me to remember where my victory comes from and how He will protect me.

I don’t want to over-complicate prayer. At the end of the day, prayer is just communication between us and God. It’s a way to get peace, it’s a way to stop worrying. Prayer helps us discern God’s will and defeat whatever the enemy is throwing at us. The effectual and fervent prayers of the righteous accomplish much (James 5:16). There’s no wrong or right way to pray. The purpose of the prayer is what matters.

Our Father,

Thank You for ripping the veil and allowing us access to Your throne. Thank You, God, for the ability to come to you with all of our cares and worries and cast them on You. Help our hearts to have the right motives when we approach You. Let nothing distract us from talking to our Creator. Free us from any misconceptions of prayer so that we can come to You in prayer as often as we need to. Help us to trust that our prayers will be answered. Help us to seek Your will above our own in every situation.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Check out the latest podcast episode: Essentials of Prayer

Dealing With Loneliness

Posted on April 6, 2018

There was a time in my life where I felt so lonely that it led to despair and depression. I prayed and hung out with friends, but nothing seemed to help. I eventually talked to my pastor about it and he recommended seeing a Christian therapist. There’s a stigma around seeing a therapist. I was totally against it at first. I thought it was only for crazy people. I thought that I was strong enough on my own to deal with it even though I felt so weak. I felt that I wasn’t needed, loved, or wanted. I felt isolated and abandoned.

Even though I had all of those feelings swimming around in my head, I thought I could overcome them on my own. But the thoughts were pervasive. It got to a point where it was the only thing I could think about. I felt like there was no hope. That’s when I finally realized these thoughts weren’t healthy and they were making me push people away. I made an appointment to see a licensed therapist the same day. It was the best decision I have ever made.

She gave me some coping mechanisms to help me combat loneliness and despair.  She told me to find some scriptures that really stood out to me, write them down and read them aloud to myself every time I felt lonely or abandoned.  These are some scriptures that help me deal with loneliness:

Psalm 25:16-17 says, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”

Here, David is crying out to God because his own son was against him, the men of Israel went after him, and he was forced to flee from the city and leave his house and family. These verses remind me to always turn to God. He is always there even when no one else is. This reminds me to put my hope in Him always. People can only do so much but God will always comfort me.

Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

To give this a little context, Moses had just died making Joshua the leader of the Israelites. Now, Joshua is tasked with taking God’s people into the promised land. Though this verse doesn’t deal with loneliness specifically, it still comforts me because it lets me know that God is with me. I don’t have to be afraid or fear anything, even loneliness. I can be strong and courageous because God is with me wherever I go.

Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet He did not sin.”

This is a verse I go to whenever I feel discouraged in any way, including feeling lonely. This verse helps me because it lets me know that God understands what I’m feeling. He knows and can empathize with what I’m going through. While on earth Jesus felt the same emotions I feel and yet he did not sin. I can look to him when I feel down and know that he experienced the same thing I did and decided to still follow God. He decided to persevere and keep pressing forward.

It could be so easy to reach out to someone to ease the loneliness, but where would that lead me? It would take away the loneliness for a little while, but then where would I stand with God? What would the moment of temporary pleasure really cost me? This person I’m reaching out to for intimacy will eventually leave, making me feel even more lonely. That person didn’t promise me anything but God promised He would never leave nor forsake me.

Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

God promised that He wouldn’t leave me. He won’t abandon me or leave me helpless. God has my back. He keeps His promises. I’m grateful that He does. This verse reminds me to be grateful for my life as it is right now. Even though I feel lonely right now, I have so much more to be thankful for. Focusing on what I do have and how blessed I am, help me to forget about those feelings of loneliness.

Another way my therapist taught me to battle loneliness is to ask myself what happened to make me feel lonely? Was there an event or something someone did that caused me to feel this way? Why did it make me feel this way? I reflect on my actions and the actions of others and take these questions to the Lord.  I seek Him to find out why it triggered me to feel lonely or abandoned. Then I think about something that made me feel loved. I go to the Lord and ask why does this make me feel loved? How can I feel this all of the time?

I write down these thoughts and scriptures in my journal. So the next time I’m feeling a little lonely or forsaken I can go back to my journal and read the revelations God had given me before. I look back and see how faithful God is. I also write down ways to remember how loved I am. How though, I may be alone, I don’t have to feel lonely. This prompted me to start writing to my future husband. I write letters and prayers for my future husband. This helps me to not only remember God’s promises but wait in expectation for them.

 If journaling isn’t your thing, find a way that’s unique to you so that you can remember God’s victories. Also, remember that loneliness is just a feeling that will pass. Don’t make any permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.  If you feel like it won’t pass, or you’ve felt lonely for a long while, seek help from a professional.

Another thing she told me to do to combat loneliness is to reach out to my friends. That’s why it’s so important to have a good circle of friends that can offer Godly counsel and who you trust. They can pray for you, they can give you scriptures to read, and they can just encourage you to keep living. You all can get together and discuss whatever is going on.

Always go to God in prayer. Be open to God doing new things in your life, like sending you to a therapist. Though journaling is a great way to remember past victories, don’t put God in a box and expect Him to do the same exact thing every time. Let’s make a distinction. Singleness doesn’t necessarily equate to loneliness. Everyone feels lonely at one time or another. They could be by themselves or in a large crowd. Your relationship status doesn’t determine how lonely you feel.The most important thing to remember is, that God will not leave you. He will not forsake you. He loves you and wants you complete and whole. Go to God, He will help you.

Our Father,

Thank You, God, for showing us how to cope with feelings of loneliness. Help us to be honest about how we are feeling and confide in You. Show us the root of these feelings so we can cast them out. Help us to depend on You alone for comfort. Lead us to the support we need to be closer to You. Help us to be courageous and know that You are always with us. Let us remember that we are never truly alone. Reveal who we can trust. Help us to put our guard down and be free in You. Thank You for loving us, God.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Watch the latest podcast episode: Dealing With Loneliness

 

Resurrection Weekend

Posted on March 30, 2018

There will be no official post this week. I challenge you to spend this Resurrection Weekend becoming more intimate with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There are some scriptures listed below. Please take some time out this weekend to read them and know just how much Jesus sacrificed for us.

“As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples…’” Mark 16:5-7

“He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’” Luke 24:6-7

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.” Matt. 28:6

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live,” John 11:25

“And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.”  1 Cor. 6:14

“We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.” Romans 6:4-5

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,” 1 Pet. 1:3

“For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” John 6:40

“For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” 1 Thess. 4:14

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.” Rom. 8:11

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last, he will stand upon the earth…” Job 19:25

“That you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” Eph. 1:18-21

“That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,” Phil. 3:10

“He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said.” 1 Cor. 15:4

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” 1 Pet. 1:3-4

“And with great power, the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all.” Acts 4:33

“Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Rom. 6:8-11

“And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit.” Rom. 1:4

“Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” Romans 8:34

“He will swallow up death in victory, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces.” Isaiah 25:8

“For as by a man came death, by a man has come to the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive.” 1 Corinthians 15:21-22

“We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.” Romans 6:9

“He was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.” Romans 4:25

“Having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.” Col. 2:12

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9*

 

 

 

 

*Taken from 25 Resurrection Scriptures to Celebrate: He Has Risen!

 

Online Dating

Posted on March 23, 2018

Is Online Dating wrong for Christians? Not necessarily. But, let me tell you my story.

Back in the summer of 2015 on the advice of some friends I joined an online dating site.
Before I joined I always said I don’t think I’m going to meet my husband online. I just never felt that way. I joined anyway.

I went on my first online date in the summer of 2015. Although I was super nervous, the date went well. He was a gentleman. He walked me to my car and pulled out my chair. After the date, we even continued to talk, but it eventually fizzled out.

After that, there were a series of guys I talked to online. Nothing really ever came from those interactions either. After talking to a guy and it not working out, I would always go back to feeling like I’m not even supposed to be online dating in the first place.

I felt like it was a distraction from what I was really supposed to be doing and a waste of time. Yet, I persisted. I wanted to give online dating a real shot because some of my friends met really good guys from online dating.

I mean really good Christian guys and some were even getting married to these men they met online.

Even though I persisted, I always had a little tugging in my spirit saying that this isn’t really for me. By this time it is late 2016. I tell myself that if I’m going to do this, I will try out a paid online dating site. So I take my profile down from the free site and pay real actual dollars to meet men online.

I met a few men, and I went on a date with 2 of them. The first one was bad.He basically said that all he wanted was sex. I said thanks for being honest but Nah.The next date I went on was the worst date of my life.

After that date, I decided to take a break. I took down every profile and sat myself down.Here are some lessons I learned from my experience of online dating:

Although online dating by itself is not sinful, it’s not for me.

1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.”

I could have been in a very different place in my life had I just listened to the Holy Spirit. There is no telling what my life would be like right now.

I’m not going to beat myself up about it though because Romans 8:1 says, “so now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

I’m not condemned for my mistakes. I’m forgiven and through God’s mercy and grace, I have another chance to do it right.
I learned to listen to and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:16 says, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
Had I been following the direction of the Holy Spirit I would have saved myself some time, money, and headache.

Ultimately what I want is for God to be glorified in my waiting, dating, and marriage.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

I have to make sure that all of my decisions and actions give God the glory. That definitely wasn’t happening when I was online dating. My motive was to find a husband, not to glorify God.

So is online dating wrong?

Not necessarily. But for me, it is, at least for right now. As I said before, I’m deciding to be more open to whatever God has for me and if He tells me to go online then that’s what I’ll do.The most important thing is to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and make sure God is getting the glory out of everything.

Online dating may not be wrong for you. But don’t try to match anyone else’s story. God has written a unique and amazing story for each and every one of us. They all don’t have to be the same.

Some may meet their husband or wife online, some may meet them at Walmart. Just follow God. He’ll tell you what’s right or wrong.

Our Father,

God, I come to You asking that I allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me into all truth. I ask that the desires of my heart match Your will for me. Let me not be distracted. Let every decision I make and every action I take be for Your glory. Thank You, God, for forgiveness. Help me to not relive old mistakes, but keep pressing forward in You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

 

Check out my latest podcast episode: Is Online Dating Wrong?

 

 

 

I Need You

Posted on March 9, 2018

Father, I need You. Help me live as You intended. I want my life to be holy, pleasing, and acceptable to You, Lord. I’m already in Christ, who is well pleasing to our Father. I just have to live according to Your precepts and commands. I have to be what You fearfully and wonderfully created. I have to stop trying to live up to the expectations of others. I have to live for Yahweh.

I still have to work and believe, but I don’t have to try so hard to make everything perfect. I’m not perfect. There is no one perfect except Jesus. The land and the fullness thereof has already been laid at my feet. I thank You, Yahweh, for what You have already done. I praise and worship You, Yahweh, because of who You are.

You already set the end before the beginning. So, thank You, Yahweh, for already providing.Thank You, Yahweh, for meeting every one of my needs. Thank You for giving me the desires of my heart. For allowing me to be me, the person You created uniquely. Thank You for removing fear and doubt and replacing them with love and approval. Yet, I still need You. 

I need Your strength. I need Your Holy Spirit so that I can be more available to You. I need to be Your vessel.  I need to be in the position You require so that Your will may be done. I need to put Your desires above my own.  Yahweh, I cannot do this alone! I need you! I need you! I know that all I have to do is believe and walk. Give me the strength to endure.

Hold me up on all sides. I command the angels ordered to protect me to make the path as clear as possible. I charge them to hold me up as I walk. I need to complete this journey to be able to successfully complete Your will. Without a vision, the people will perish. Help me to see the vision plainly, Yahweh. 

Thank You for already planting the seeds within me. Thank You for allowing me to learn and my faith to grow. Thank You for desiring an intimate relationship with me, for allowing me to know Your name.  Thank You for transforming my mind and allowing me to learn from You and those around me. I need You, Yahweh. 

In Jesus’ name, I pray,

Amen.

Psalm 91:11-12  (NLT)

For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.

Proverbs 29:18 (KJV)

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

Isaiah 46:10 (NET)

10 who announces the end from the beginning
and reveals beforehand what has not yet occurred,
who says, ‘My plan will be realized,
I will accomplish what I desire,’

Romans 12:1-2New Living Translation (NLT)

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

 

Check out my latest podcast episode Patiently Waiting:

https://youtu.be/Pk_99JYzI4s

https://youtu.be/Pk_99JYzI4s

 

Still Patiently Waiting…

Posted on March 2, 2018

I feel like giving up. Is all this really worth it? Everything is on my nerves. It seems like everyone else is getting exactly what they want and I’m over here waiting. Other people are living any kind of way and still getting promises. Is there something more I can do? I don’t want to hurry God along, but my goodness, He sure is taking His sweet time.

I’ve heard it all before. Those people seem like they have it all, but I don’t know the state of their soul. I don’t know what they had to do to get that. Well, you’re right. I don’t know the state of their soul, but they sure do look happy with those new cars, houses, and husbands. I don’t know what they’re doing to get all that, but I do know what I’m not doing and that I don’t have all that. They look like wives and mothers and I look like super-saved Sally. I’m exhausted. Maybe I’m doing too much or not doing enough. I don’t know.

I do know that blessings are not necessarily material things. I know that God also gives us spiritual blessings. But, sometimes I want the material things. It sounds bad, but it’s true. My focus should really be on pleasing God and seeking what He has for me to do in this waiting season. I’m sure my patience is being tested and I’ll have an awesome testimony on the other side of this. I’m just not feeling it right now.

I really appreciate all those people who waited 50 and 60 years for God to deliver His promise, but honestly, I don’t want that to be my testimony. God, can I be one of those ‘suddenly it happened’ people? I don’t want to have to wait forever. I know it’s whiny and selfish. I should be grateful for the way my life is right now. I am grateful for my life, mostly anyway. In the grand scheme of things, my waiting season hasn’t been that long. It just feels like it’s been forever.

I’m not just talking about marriage, house, and kids. I’m talking about whatever big or small thing is next. Whatever will take me out of this holding pattern. I know the waiting period has a purpose–to make sure I’m in a position to receive the next thing God has for me. That’s why I don’t understand how I got into this headspace. One day I just woke up and was tired of doing it all. Tired of being a leader. Tired of answering questions. Tired of being the poster child of a saved single woman. I want to quit.

I had to call on God. I told Him through prayer and journaling how I honestly feel. I want to wait with anticipation, expectation, and hope, but it’s hard right now. The problem is I don’t know why it’s so hard. Usually, I pray and read scripture, talk to God and some friends and I find encouragement. Usually, I am able to make it through this feeling. This time feels different. I really want to be grateful and obedient but it’s a real struggle right now.

I’m probably on the verge of some big breakthrough or receiving God’s promise. I feel like I’m hitting a wall and I’m just tired of everything. I want to stop everything. I know it’s my flesh rebelling against submitting to God. But again I ask, why now? Why do I feel this so strongly? I get like this from time to time and the only thing I can do is rely on God to renew my strength. His grace is sufficient and His power and strength are made perfect in my weakness. I gladly boast about how weak I’m feeling because I’m only making it through because of God’s power and strength.

I’m grateful that even this is working for my good. I don’t know how yet but I’m glad it is. I’m glad that I serve a God that gives me what I need when I need it. I’m so grateful that I can cry out to God and tell Him how I truly feel. I’m glad that I don’t feel the need to wear a mask and hide how I’m feeling. I’m thankful that God restores me and strengthens me. I’m happy that I can ask Him to help me with my unbelief.

I know that now is the time to press deeper into God, not run away. I have to trust Him now more than ever. I am totally relying on His strength. I cannot do this alone. I cannot rely on my feelings, I have to rely on my faith in Him. My faith tells me that Jesus is Lord and I have the Holy Spirit leading and guiding me. My feelings are telling me to quit everything and just do whatever I want to do.

Thank God, for His Holy Spirit. It’s a struggle, but I choose to crucify my flesh and follow Christ. I know what He has for me will be worth the wait. He didn’t bring me this far to leave me. I still love and trust Him, I just have to dig a little deeper to keep Him first. God is a promise keeper. God is faithful. I can’t lose sight of the promise. I don’t want anything less than what God has promised. I’ll just have to make sure that I’m grounded in God and constantly being led by the Holy Spirit. I’m not giving up, I’m still patiently waiting on the Lord.

 

Our Father,

Thank You, God, for my life as it is right now. Thank you that I am able to trust in You and You will renew my strength. Thank You, Father, that I can come to You with my honest feelings and thoughts. You give rest to the weary. I thank You for rest God. Help me to not compare my journey to the journey of others Lord. I believe that what You have for me will be worth the wait. Father, please remove every negative thought and feeling and help me to focus on You. Help me to renew my mind and crucify my flesh as often as necessary. Help me to think about things that are pleasing and worthy of praise. Help me to submit to You in every area of my life. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Check out my new podcast: Saved.

https://youtu.be/z2e3_raiVn4

 

Saved.

Posted on February 23, 2018

Single In Christ is a space for those who are single, saved, and patiently waiting. I don’t want to take for granted that everyone is saved or understands what salvation is. No matter what stage of life you are in, being in Christ and being saved will be the best decision you have ever made.

What does it mean to be saved? 

Being saved means you believe by faith that Jesus Christ lived, died, was resurrected, and now lives again for you.  You accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Once you believe, you are saved by God’s grace from eternal punishment from sin. Once you believe you receive the Holy Spirit and He seals you with a promise. That promise is that you’ll never be alone. The promise is that you now have a life beyond this earth. You now have the power to become a new person through Christ. You’re now free from sin and condemnation. You’ll always have a comforter, a guide, and an advocate. 

How does one become saved?

Acts 16:30-31 says, “Then he brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, along with everyone in your household.” Salvation comes from first believing in Jesus. This means you believe he was born of the Virgin Mary. This means you believe that he was hung on a cross and died to atone for our sins. This also means that you believe that he rose and is now living with our Father in heaven. The only way to be saved and receive the grace and redemption available to us is to go through Jesus Christ. “Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

God is the only one who can save. “For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserve it, but because it was His plan from the beginning of time–to show us His grace through Jesus Christ” (2 Timothy 1:9). Salvation is a free gift from God. He didn’t save us because we are so good or because we are so deserving. God sent Jesus to save us because God is good, kind, and gracious. We only receive salvation because of God’s grace. It’s up to us to accept His gracious offer of salvation.

How does one keep up salvation?

Once you’re saved you can now rely on God and His power to keep you. He sent His Holy Spirit to lead and guide you into all truth. God loves you. He wants to spend time with you. The way to keep up your salvation is to develop a close relationship with Him. Take all of your cares and worries to Him. You now have the power to change. You have a new life through the Holy Spirit. You will have to pray and seek God about what to remove from your life so that you can stay close to Him. Repent of any sins that will separate you from God. Join a church that teaches and preaches the real Word of God. Find a group of like-minded people who are living the way you want to live. You will have to study and read the bible so you know what God says for yourself. Remember that this is a journey. Life will still happen. You may fall short of God’s glorious standard. Just keep going and striving to do your best for God.  

What does living as a saved person look like?

There is a perception that saved people are old and boring. Salvation is not just for old people. Salvation is for everyone. You do not have to wait until you’re old to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.  Ecclesiastes 12:1 says, “Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” Life in Christ is different from life in the world. Once you’ve accepted Jesus as your Savior then the things that you considered fun won’t have as much appeal. The things you pursued before Christ were only fun temporarily. The fun moments were fleeting. Eternity is what concerns Christ. Try God for yourself and “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8). It’s true that as a Christian you give up some things, but that does not mean life as a Christian cannot be fun. The difference is your motivation will be to please God and not please yourself. Your life will not be the same once you truly are saved. The things you talk about will change, the way you dress will change, your friends may even change. Don’t be discouraged, God has something better in store for you. Life as a Christian involves going to church, serving and lots of praying. You will be able to find joy and fun in the things of God. 

Christian life may not be easy, but it’s worth it. In John 16:33, Jesus said “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Jesus Christ promised that he has overcome this world and its troubles. We don’t have to worry, He gives us peace when we are in Him. Receiving salvation grants you immediate access to Him.

If you are not saved and want to have full access to God through Christ, I urge you to read the prayer below aloud and invite God into your heart.

 

Our Father,

Thank you for the gift of salvation. I come to You asking to be saved. I believe that Jesus Christ died and rose again to save me from condemnation and to wash away my sins. I invite the Holy Spirit into my life to guide me. I receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I repent of all sins that will lead me away from You. I thank You, God, for your Son Jesus. I thank You, Jesus, for your love and sacrifice. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Titus 3:5

He saved us, not because of the righteous thing we have done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 2:8

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

He Who Strengthens Me

Posted on January 19, 2018

Today is the 5th day of being grateful for my life as it is now. While I’m still looking forward to what is to come, I’m learning more and more to appreciate what is. I feel like I’ve been trying for so long to obtain this feeling that I thought it was elusive. I thought it was just something people talked about but never achieved. I’m actually content with my life. I’m actually at peace.

It has taken me almost 32.5 years to get to this place. To truly experience the peace that surpasses understanding. I have the least amount of money I’ve ever had in my adult life. I’m starting new businesses and jobs. I have no boyfriend or any prospects. I’m supposed to be worried. I’m supposed to be struggling to figure out my next step. Yet, I’m not.

Why after all this time of being a believer am I just now believing? Why am I just now taking God at His word? What happened that I now trust Him with my life? I started putting God first. I mean for real.

One of my new year’s resolutions is to be more intentional with and about God. I want to consult Him about every decision I make. Whether It’s big or small. I’m spending more time in prayer and I’m studying the bible more. Last weekend it hit me. My pastor has been preaching an awesome series on peace. For some reason, the revelation that I can obtain peace through Christ because He strengthens me took my breath away.

Philippians 4:13 is a popular scripture. It’s quoted everywhere and people say it all the time, including me. But it wasn’t until last Sunday that the head knowledge finally trickled down into my heart. I finally realized that I don’t have the strength on my own to be totally at peace and I’m not supposed to.

It’s just so crazy how I’ve basically heard this repeated over and over my entire life, but I’m just now understanding it. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That took such a load off of my shoulders. It seems so obvious, but that’s the secret to being content. To allow Christ to strengthen you.

You’re probably thinking, duh, that’s exactly what the scripture says. Yeah, I know that’s what it says but I have been doing things in my own strength for so long that I fooled myself into thinking it was God. I thought I was allowing Him to strengthen me. But I wasn’t. I can’t even blame it on the devil. It was me. I thought I had to be strong in my own right. I’m glad I let that go because I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never been so grateful for my life and how He gives me the strength to remain satisfied.

I always thought about peace as an abstract concept. Like it’s for everybody else, but I’ll just have to fight through. I always thought it would just be my portion in life to be frustrated and slightly confused. Maybe I thought that because I’ve never seen real peace before. Maybe I thought that because I didn’t really believe God would do that for me. Because why me? What do I deserve? Yet here I am living in peace because God deemed me worthy.

God has literally blown my mind this year and we’re only 19 days in. I want every person to feel this peace and gratitude by simply relying on Jesus. I know firsthand that it’s easier said than done,  but I promise it’s worth it. Just try it out. Just give putting God first in everything a try. He won’t disappoint you.

Our Father,

I thank You, God, for my life as it is now. Thank You that Your grace and mercy are new every day. Help me to renew my mind each new day. Help me to put You first in every area of my life. Give me revelation, knowledge, and understanding of Your word so that I may live in the peace that only You can provide. Help me to let go and allow You to give me the strength I need.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

Philippians 4:12-13 (NLT)

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.

Confessions of a Lonely Girl

Posted on January 5, 2018

Listen, I’m not trying to be alone forever. These cold and boring nights have me feeling lonely and in need of a companion. I decided to hop on Plenty of Fish and see what’s out there. I told myself that I’m not committing to anyone. I’ll just swipe through some pictures and go to sleep. Why do I lie to myself?

I log in to Plenty of Fish and I already have two messages. The first message is a legit paragraph about how I should overlook his gold fronts because he always accomplishes his goals and that he’s not about playing games so I should just get at him. Oh boy, here we go. I don’t make up my mind about him just yet. I need more information. 

I look at his profile, and his gold fronts are definitely prominent in every photo. He even has some whole body pictures. I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s not bad-looking and I can get over the gold fronts. I scroll down to read more about him and see that he’s 44 years old. Hold up, that’s a little beyond my age range, but I continue to read. 44 isn’t that old right? Then I see that he has 4 kids. The kids are probably grown too. Ugh, no thank you, sir.

Next message is literally two words, “Hey there.” Okay, so he isn’t much of a conversationalist. That’s fine. I can find something on his profile to spark a conversation. I head over to his profile and he seems cool. He’s cute, a Christian, 36, and doesn’t have any kids.

I message him back saying, “Hello, how are you?” He replies, “Good.” The conversation is starting off a little slow, but I keep going. I reply, “Do you enjoy being a tattoo artist?” He says, “It’s good.” I roll my eyes in frustration. That’s it? Don’t you have any questions for me? Are you forcing me to keep the conversation going? No thank you. I’ve gone down this road too many times and I don’t feel like it. I’m done. I log off.

Why do I do this? I know online dating isn’t for me. Why do I allow myself to go on there when it’s always so disappointing? When I’m bored and a little lonely it’s tempting to log in to some app or website and be distracted by men that I know aren’t my husband. It feels good to know I’m attractive. It’s so tempting just to settle for the old man with 4 kids or the one-word reply guy because they are available.

Those guys are always there. They are always ready. They are always willing. It’s easy to keep the conversation going and not be lonely. It’s easy to date an established gentleman to have a companion.  I can have someone if I set aside my standards. Just for a little while. That would be easy right?

Thankfully I snapped back to reality and gave praise to God because whatever He has for me is great. No matter how many men I look at online, He won’t allow me to settle. He’s put a desire in me that I refuse to let go. I don’t know when it will come, or what it will look like exactly, but I know God is faithful. He will do what He said.

This new year I’ve resolved to study and pray when I get bored and lonely. I’ve resolved to call up a friend that’s been on my mind so we can encourage each other. I’ve resolved to finally drop my Plenty of Fish account so there won’t be the temptation to go fishing. I’ve resolved to put God first and live righteously.

I’m determined to take what God has placed in me and serve. I still don’t want to be alone forever, but I’ve realized that I was never really alone in the first place. I have a wonderful Father that loves me dearly. I have friends and family that want the best for me. I don’t have to be a lonely girl anymore.

Our Father,

Thank You for renewing my mind. Help me to not worry about tomorrow. Help me to put You first in all things. Allow me to delight in You and Your word. Help me to serve You as never before. Give me the strength to cast down thoughts that come against Your word and Your will. You are my joy. You are my peace. I place my hope in You, God.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.