Category:

Dating

Keep The Faith Part 2

Posted on July 20, 2018

Last week I posted about an encounter I had with an older woman who lost her faith in being married. The reason her story resonated with me is that I was once in that place. My faith in God wavered in many areas especially the area of getting married.

I feared that I would marry the wrong person. I convinced myself that I would marry an unfaithful man that really didn’t like me. I couldn’t shake the fear that I would marry this awful man who fooled me in the beginning and then revealed his true nature after marriage.

I thought if this is what I’m destined for, why get married at all? Why should I hope and have faith in God for something that would destroy me? I decided to just be that great friend who is always single or that fantastic aunt that gives her nieces and nephews the best gifts because she didn’t have any kids of her own.

I suspect the fear came from past relationships where I felt it started out wonderfully, then turned horrible. I couldn’t see anything else for myself. I forgot that faith isn’t about what I see. That fear developed into doubt. I didn’t trust God. I didn’t believe He could do what He promised.

I convinced myself that I didn’t even want a husband or kids. There weren’t any male prospects around me. I felt really lonely and bad about myself. I lost hope. I stopped praying because I didn’t think God heard me. I honestly thought He was punishing me for mistakes I made in the past. Instead of turning to God and casting my cares on Him so He can exalt me at the proper time, I turned to myself. I created a vision for my life that didn’t include the will of God.

I lost hope for the better part of a year. I literally felt like His grace left me. I felt like I was on my own, forever. It was a terrible feeling.  I doubted Him and forgot His promises. I forgot that He told me that I will be a wife and mother. I forgot He told me that grace is a gift from Him that I can’t earn. I forgot that nothing can separate me from His love. I forgot that the will of God is pleasing, good, and perfect. I forgot that the blessings of the Lord make me rich and won’t give me any sorrow.  I lost sight of Him. I allowed my emotions to rule me.

Instead of loving God with all of my mind, heart, and soul, I loved only myself. I put on the appearance of a Christian without living the lifestyle. I know all the churchy buzzwords to make it seem like I’m fantastic. Thank God that He knows my heart. He knew the pain and hopelessness I felt. He restored me. He gave me an unshakable faith in Him by sending people to speak life over me.

He sent His people to remind me of His promises. He told me that marriage is in His will for my life. He told me that I will be happy and loved. He told me that I am lovable. He told me that I will be a mother. He told me that He didn’t give me the spirit of fear. I chose to believe Him. I asked Him for forgiveness and to renew my mind. Renewal is a process.

I still have to tell myself daily that I trust in the Lord and in His timing. I still have to tell myself that I am a wife and mother. Notice that I use the present tense. I have to see myself as God sees me. He sees my entire future and I believe that in His perfect timing I will be a wife and mother. I believe that I am and will be happy.

I see now that loving and trusting God is a daily (or more often) choice. I choose to trust Him. I choose to pray and be honest about how I’m feeling. I choose to have daily affirmations that remind me of His promises for my life. I choose to remain in fellowship with those that speak life over me and remind me to keep God first.

If you have ever lost hope, my prayer is that this encourages you to seek God. Be honest with how and why you’re feeling the way you are. God hasn’t left you. He’s not punishing you for anything. I pray you are able to feel how much He loves you. I pray He sends angels to encircle you and encourage you. I pray that you surround yourself with people who will speak life into you if you’re struggling to believe. I’m a living witness that you can be restored. Your faith can increase. I pray that you are encouraged and continue to keep the faith.

Heavenly Father,

I praise You in advance for Your will being done in our lives. Thank You for every promise that You have spoken over us. I choose to cast down doubt and fear and live in the power and love that You have given us. I choose to trust You, Lord. I choose to seek You diligently. I choose to put You first in every area of my life. Renew our mind,  Lord. Help us to have the attitude and mind of Christ. Thank You Holy Spirit, for leading and guiding us into all truth. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Mark 11:22-24 (NIV)

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Settling

Posted on May 19, 2018

Single people in Christ are often told to not settle for less. We are told to accept nothing less than God’s best for our lives. Be it a potential partner or a career opportunity, how do we know what God’s best is for us? How can we make certain that we aren’t settling?

Everything we need is in God’s presence. In His presence, we will find victory, provision, protection, and discernment. Once we start to spend more and more time with God we get to know Him and He will reveal things to us. He will show us how to proceed with whatever opportunity presents itself. He will show us who is sent from Him and who is sent from the enemy.

Spending time with God requires intentionality. It also requires more than just going to church. Going to church is great, but how well can we know someone we only spend two hours with per week? How can we get to know God if the only time we spend with Him is on Sunday morning? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing anyone who does this, but like all things, in life, we get out what we put in.

We must honestly assess what we’re putting into our relationship with God. Are we sincere and genuine with Him? Are we really submitting ourselves to Him like we should? As we grow closer to God there is no way we could settle for anything less than His best. He will show us what He has for us. He will also give us the power and strength to work towards His promises until they manifest.

Spending time with God adjusts our expectations. We will begin to see the world and people through Him. We will start to put on the mind and attitude of Christ. Jesus’ purpose on Earth was to glorify the Father by obeying God. That should be our mindset as well. We have to make sure that we are doing what God told us to do and the rest will come.

We have to be faithful and dedicated to fulfilling the reason we’re put on the Earth. We all have a purpose. Abiding in God and spending time with Him will lead you to your purpose. As we start seeing things from God’s perspective our expectations will shift. We may go from having a list of 100+ things for a potential spouse to 10 things because we’re now looking for things that are more spiritual than physical.

We need standards and guidelines for dating and/or courting. God gives us those standards in the bible. He will provide what we need when we need it. I truly believe that when we dwell in His presence, obey, trust, and wait on Him, we will get our every heart’s desire. We have to hold tight to Him and His promises. We must not get weary for we will reap if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9)

This journey isn’t easy. If it was, the whole world would be following Christ. We have to remember who we are. We have to remember that we are royalty and co-heirs with Christ. We will have to say no sometimes. We will have to watch others get what we desire, all because we refuse to settle for less than God’s best. It may get painful or lonely at times, but I know it’s worth it. God will comfort and keep us. I know that whatever God has promised will come to pass.

Don’t give up. Serving God has its rewards. Keep sowing seeds of goodness and kindness. Keep spending time with Him and asking what His will is for your life. Be intentional. Take it one day at a time. Keep striving to be the better person God has called us to be. When we’re in Him and know what He has for us, the only way we settle is if we give up and stop believing what He has for us will come. Keep fighting. Keep working. Know that we’re all in this together and we’re fighting right beside one another.

Encourage one another along this Christian journey. Pray for each other. If you see a fellow sister or brother struggling, reach out and build them up; say an encouraging word. Remind everyone and yourself to remain faithful and to take God at His word. It’s hard not to settle for what’s in right front of us. Remember your purpose and keep God’s standards in the forefront of your mind. Ask God for wisdom. He will give it to us. He has a plan for us. He has the plan to prosper and not harm us. He has the plan to give us a future and hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Keep going and don’t settle. It’ll be worth it.

 

Our Father,

Thank You, God, for helping us put on the mind of Christ. Help us to live for You and put You first. We know that by putting You first, everything else will be given to us. We ask You for wisdom, instruction, and understanding God. We also ask for an extra measure of patience and faith. Help us to not lose hope. You told us not to worry about tomorrow, God. Let us find the strength in You to just trust You and not worry. Thank You, God, for revealing Your truth to us. Help us to wait on You and not settle for less than Your best.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)

31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

Check out the latest podcast episode: Are you settling?

 

To Approach or To Not Approach?

Posted on April 27, 2018

We all know that faith without works is dead. So when it comes to entering a relationship, how much work are we as Christian women supposed to put in? Should we approach men? There are two schools of thought on the subject. Some people say it’s the man’s role to initiate and the woman’s role to respond. Others say that there’s nothing wrong with a woman initiating conversation or even asking a man on a date.

The problem with the former is that single Christian women are often frustrated with men that never initiate. Several of my girlfriends and I find it frustrating to have a man basically stare you down but never approach. The problem with the latter school of thought is that women should not pursue men. But is it really pursuing a man by initiating contact? It can get tricky.

There are all kinds of statistics and studies on why women should approach men but we are called to live by a different standard. What does God have to say about it? Is it sinful for a Christian woman to approach a Christian man?

The New Testament doesn’t really offer much in the way of dating advice. There is, of course, Ephesians 5 which encourages husbands and wives to submit to each other and sets out God’s design for leadership. The husband is the head of the wife (Ephesians 5:23). God wants the man to be the leader, but this verse speaks specifically to husbands and wives. What about single women? Are we supposed to let men lead in the dating world too?

The Old Testament does have some courting and marriage stories. The two that stuck out to me was Rebekah and Ruth. Rebekah’s story begins with Abraham wanting a wife for his son Isaac. Abraham sent his servant to find a wife and while the servant was traveling he asked God for a sign. He asked God that the woman to be Isaac’s wife offer him water and offer to water his camels.

This is significant because the servant had 10 camels with him and thirsty camels can drink up to 25 gallons of water. When the servant came to the well he asked Rebekah for some water. She said yes and offered to water his camels too. Rebekah didn’t initiate contact but she was kind and showed her true servant’s heart. Although the was very beautiful, it was her heart that ultimately won over the servant.

Ruth’s story begins with her being a widow and going back to Naomi’s, her mother-in-law, hometown. Because they had no male relative to take care of them, they were practically destitute. Ruth gleaned from the fields of Boaz so that she could eat. Boaz saw how hard she was working and. Told the men in the field to leave her alone. It is discovered that Boaz is their kinsman-redeemer so Naomi urged Ruth to dress up and go lay on the threshing floor with Boaz. Though this seems like Ruth is approaching Boaz for marriage, what she was really doing was asking for protection from poverty, which was Boaz’s responsibility. Her request just so happened to result in marriage.

So what now? Should Christian women initiate contact or not? I think the number one thing to do, in all circumstances, is to be led by the Holy Spirit and glorify God in everything you do. What we learn from Rebekah and Ruth is to be loyal, faithful, and kind-hearted. Those characteristics ultimately got them married. We also learn that their intentions were pure. Their interactions with the men weren’t for the purpose of starting a relationship.

There is nothing sinful with initiating contact by saying hello or smiling at a potential mate. Letting someone know through a wave or kind word that you’re open for conversation is perfectly fine. I personally would never ask a man out because I feel that blurs the line of pursuit. I don’t want to be in the position to continually have to initiate every date or contact. I think the man should show some leadership skills if we are dating with the purpose of marriage in mind.

Rebekah and Ruth didn’t do anything extraordinary to meet their husbands. They were out living their lives and doing what they probably did every day. Rachel was getting water from the well. Ruth was getting some food to eat. Their loyalty, generosity, and hard work led to their marriages. The men noticed something different about them through their everyday actions.

If you desire marriage, get serious about doing our Father’s business. Figure out the purpose He’s placed on your life and get busy. While you’re out serving or just in the regular course of your day, there’s no telling who you’ll meet. Arrange a group dinner with men and women. Be deliberate about who you invite. Strike up conversations about everything. Get some good eye contact in. Be open, be kind, and follow God. He’s sure to give you the desires of your heart.

 

Our Father,

I pray Your will be done in my life. Thank You for allowing me to serve You. I consider it a privilege and an honor. I trust You, God. I believe that Your promises are yes and amen. I believe that Your faithful promises are my armor and protection. Help me to give You all of my cares, worries, and frustrations. Help me to wait on and trust in You, Lord. I pray that my husband seeks You and is led by You. I pray that my husband exhibits leadership qualities and surrenders his will to Yours. Thank You for already arranging the day we will meet. Help us to live a life pleasing to You. Help us to live according to Your commands. Let our meeting, courtship, and marriage glorify You, God.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

 

Watch the latest podcast episode: Approachable

Online Dating

Posted on March 23, 2018

Is Online Dating wrong for Christians? Not necessarily. But, let me tell you my story.

Back in the summer of 2015 on the advice of some friends I joined an online dating site.
Before I joined I always said I don’t think I’m going to meet my husband online. I just never felt that way. I joined anyway.

I went on my first online date in the summer of 2015. Although I was super nervous, the date went well. He was a gentleman. He walked me to my car and pulled out my chair. After the date, we even continued to talk, but it eventually fizzled out.

After that, there were a series of guys I talked to online. Nothing really ever came from those interactions either. After talking to a guy and it not working out, I would always go back to feeling like I’m not even supposed to be online dating in the first place.

I felt like it was a distraction from what I was really supposed to be doing and a waste of time. Yet, I persisted. I wanted to give online dating a real shot because some of my friends met really good guys from online dating.

I mean really good Christian guys and some were even getting married to these men they met online.

Even though I persisted, I always had a little tugging in my spirit saying that this isn’t really for me. By this time it is late 2016. I tell myself that if I’m going to do this, I will try out a paid online dating site. So I take my profile down from the free site and pay real actual dollars to meet men online.

I met a few men, and I went on a date with 2 of them. The first one was bad.He basically said that all he wanted was sex. I said thanks for being honest but Nah.The next date I went on was the worst date of my life.

After that date, I decided to take a break. I took down every profile and sat myself down.Here are some lessons I learned from my experience of online dating:

Although online dating by itself is not sinful, it’s not for me.

1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.”

I could have been in a very different place in my life had I just listened to the Holy Spirit. There is no telling what my life would be like right now.

I’m not going to beat myself up about it though because Romans 8:1 says, “so now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

I’m not condemned for my mistakes. I’m forgiven and through God’s mercy and grace, I have another chance to do it right.
I learned to listen to and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:16 says, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
Had I been following the direction of the Holy Spirit I would have saved myself some time, money, and headache.

Ultimately what I want is for God to be glorified in my waiting, dating, and marriage.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

I have to make sure that all of my decisions and actions give God the glory. That definitely wasn’t happening when I was online dating. My motive was to find a husband, not to glorify God.

So is online dating wrong?

Not necessarily. But for me, it is, at least for right now. As I said before, I’m deciding to be more open to whatever God has for me and if He tells me to go online then that’s what I’ll do.The most important thing is to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and make sure God is getting the glory out of everything.

Online dating may not be wrong for you. But don’t try to match anyone else’s story. God has written a unique and amazing story for each and every one of us. They all don’t have to be the same.

Some may meet their husband or wife online, some may meet them at Walmart. Just follow God. He’ll tell you what’s right or wrong.

Our Father,

God, I come to You asking that I allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me into all truth. I ask that the desires of my heart match Your will for me. Let me not be distracted. Let every decision I make and every action I take be for Your glory. Thank You, God, for forgiveness. Help me to not relive old mistakes, but keep pressing forward in You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

 

Check out my latest podcast episode: Is Online Dating Wrong?

 

 

 

Real Love

Posted on February 2, 2018

The following is a prayer I wrote to God when I needed to feel His love.

Our Father,

I’m so in love with You! You’re my entire world, my being. I owe my entire existence to You. God, my spirit cries out to You. I’m in desperate need of Your love. Your love covers all sins and infirmities. Your love cancels the debts I owe. Your love is the cure for all that ails me. Your Holy Spirit comforts and guides me into Your love and peace. Saturate me with Your love so that I may love others. As I sit at your feet and bask in Your abundant love, calm my fears. Reassure me of my purpose. Put in me the passion to pursue Your will. I love You, God. You are the restorer of my soul. You are my fortress, my Redeemer, the truest love of my life. Your love for me is overwhelming. Nothing can match the depths of Your love. Nothing, on earth or in heaven, in life or in death, can separate me from Your love. My heart is so full. I’m amazed that You would even allow me, a sinner, an emotionally charged, fleshly person to even worship You. You humble me, God.  Break me so that I will submit to Your will. I give You all of me. I know there’s something on the other side of my obedience. Loving You is the best decision I’ve ever made. Help me to do everything as unto the Lord. Your word is true and just. You freely give Your love to everyone. You loved me before I was even born. I’m not asking for You to love me, for You already do that. I’m simply asking to feel Your love and to be able to share it with others. I’m convinced that if people could just feel even a tiny piece of Your love, then they’ll come to You. Your love has granted me access to a peace I’ve never known. I am so content with where I am in my life right now. God, You have given me everything I need. Father, help me to love like You. I pray for a refreshing and renewal in my spirit. Provide a vision and enable Your people to carry it out. I know that You can bridge gaps, open minds, and turn hearts. God, You’ve called me to love and I pray that I am obedient. Restore my fervor for You Lord. I am living in the full authority and grace of God. Help me to listen to You and take the direction of the Holy Spirit. Your love covers and protects. Your love lasts forever. Your love is true and real. Thank You for loving me.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wrong. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Confessions of a Lonely Girl

Posted on January 5, 2018

Listen, I’m not trying to be alone forever. These cold and boring nights have me feeling lonely and in need of a companion. I decided to hop on Plenty of Fish and see what’s out there. I told myself that I’m not committing to anyone. I’ll just swipe through some pictures and go to sleep. Why do I lie to myself?

I log in to Plenty of Fish and I already have two messages. The first message is a legit paragraph about how I should overlook his gold fronts because he always accomplishes his goals and that he’s not about playing games so I should just get at him. Oh boy, here we go. I don’t make up my mind about him just yet. I need more information. 

I look at his profile, and his gold fronts are definitely prominent in every photo. He even has some whole body pictures. I’m thinking to myself, okay, he’s not bad-looking and I can get over the gold fronts. I scroll down to read more about him and see that he’s 44 years old. Hold up, that’s a little beyond my age range, but I continue to read. 44 isn’t that old right? Then I see that he has 4 kids. The kids are probably grown too. Ugh, no thank you, sir.

Next message is literally two words, “Hey there.” Okay, so he isn’t much of a conversationalist. That’s fine. I can find something on his profile to spark a conversation. I head over to his profile and he seems cool. He’s cute, a Christian, 36, and doesn’t have any kids.

I message him back saying, “Hello, how are you?” He replies, “Good.” The conversation is starting off a little slow, but I keep going. I reply, “Do you enjoy being a tattoo artist?” He says, “It’s good.” I roll my eyes in frustration. That’s it? Don’t you have any questions for me? Are you forcing me to keep the conversation going? No thank you. I’ve gone down this road too many times and I don’t feel like it. I’m done. I log off.

Why do I do this? I know online dating isn’t for me. Why do I allow myself to go on there when it’s always so disappointing? When I’m bored and a little lonely it’s tempting to log in to some app or website and be distracted by men that I know aren’t my husband. It feels good to know I’m attractive. It’s so tempting just to settle for the old man with 4 kids or the one-word reply guy because they are available.

Those guys are always there. They are always ready. They are always willing. It’s easy to keep the conversation going and not be lonely. It’s easy to date an established gentleman to have a companion.  I can have someone if I set aside my standards. Just for a little while. That would be easy right?

Thankfully I snapped back to reality and gave praise to God because whatever He has for me is great. No matter how many men I look at online, He won’t allow me to settle. He’s put a desire in me that I refuse to let go. I don’t know when it will come, or what it will look like exactly, but I know God is faithful. He will do what He said.

This new year I’ve resolved to study and pray when I get bored and lonely. I’ve resolved to call up a friend that’s been on my mind so we can encourage each other. I’ve resolved to finally drop my Plenty of Fish account so there won’t be the temptation to go fishing. I’ve resolved to put God first and live righteously.

I’m determined to take what God has placed in me and serve. I still don’t want to be alone forever, but I’ve realized that I was never really alone in the first place. I have a wonderful Father that loves me dearly. I have friends and family that want the best for me. I don’t have to be a lonely girl anymore.

Our Father,

Thank You for renewing my mind. Help me to not worry about tomorrow. Help me to put You first in all things. Allow me to delight in You and Your word. Help me to serve You as never before. Give me the strength to cast down thoughts that come against Your word and Your will. You are my joy. You are my peace. I place my hope in You, God.

In Jesus’s name,

Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

 

Why Am I Still Single?

Posted on December 8, 2017

I’m still single because I am a happy, whole, and confident woman. I am complete by myself and I am totally satisfied waiting on whomever God has for me. I refuse to settle for just any old person. I want the fullness of God’s promises and that includes whomever I marry.

Now that the holiday season is upon us, this is the answer I give to all of those nosy well-meaning relatives.  It’s always asked with such disdain as if something is wrong with me. So, I came up with an answer that would allow them to know I’m not afflicted with some rare disease. I’m satisfied being single.

While that answer sounds good and is essentially true, I can’t help but wonder what’s the hold-up? What is this waiting period really for? Have I missed the person I was to marry? Am I causing this period to be longer than necessary? Or is it that God has some great destiny for me and I need this time to define myself? 

In all honesty, the answer is it’s a lot of me and a little of God. Maybe I messed up with the person I am supposed to be with because I was in my flesh and didn’t find him attractive. I probably held on too long to unforgiveness and it turned to bitterness and no one finds that attractive. I may not have let my heart be as open to love as it could have been.

God has some work to do on me and I’m willing to let Him do it. So, I do need this time to become better. Yes, I’m complete, whole, and happy but, I could be more forgiving. I could love people more. I need more discipline. Do I have to be perfect to get married? Is that why I’m still single? I don’t think so. No one is perfect. Every one of us has flaws and kinks that need to be worked out.

Marriage is not some great prize or reward I get for doing good things, for being a good Christian. I understand that. I try not to think about marriage that way, but it’s hard not to sometimes. I totally get that my reward is in heaven. I live for Christ because I truly believe His will is what’s best for my life. I know that I need Him to make it through any situation in which I find myself.

I know His grace is sufficient; that contentment is the goal for every aspect of my life.  But how can I ever truly be content if a long-held desire is not fulfilled? I know God put the desire there. I always heard that my husband will come once I’m content with just me and Jesus. It’s always been me and Jesus, and I really do love Him. How much more content do I need to be?

The dictionary defines content as, “in a state of peaceful happiness; satisfied; glad.”* The Greek dictionary defines the word content as, “self-sufficient, adequate, needing no assistance.”* That puts a different spin on it. Needing no assistance is definitely different from peaceful happiness. I was thinking of contentment as being happy when it’s really just leaning on Christ for strength for everything. Whether I’m single or married, I need to be content.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining, or woe is me, I’m sad and single. That’s not the case. I am quite satisfied. My life is good. I’m learning and growing every day. As for my husband coming when I’m totally content, maybe that’s true. I don’t know. I’ll tell you if or when that happens. One thing I know, that it will happen in God’s timing and I will rely on Him to give me strength in the mean-time.

I know that when I put Him first, all the other pieces will fall into place. I’ll just wait on God and get closer to Him. I’ll learn to trust Him more, especially with matters of the heart. Prayerfully I’ll have fewer days like this. I will focus on what I do have, which is every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms. I have amazing friends and family. I have a good life with few major responsibilities. I get to sleep late on Saturdays. I’m so thankful that God puts up with me. He’s wonderfully kind, patient, and tolerant. I really am blessed.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for blessing me abundantly. Help me to focus on what I have. Help me to put Your kingdom above all else so that You can give me everything I need. Thank You for the strength You give so that I can do everything through Christ. You are my keeper. You are my refuge. I place my trust in You, Lord. Have Your way in all areas of my life. I surrender my will to Yours. I will look to my future with confident assurance because You sustain me. 

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Philippians 4:11-13 (NLT)

11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

*dictionary.com

* page 47, Greek Dictionary of the New Testament, The New Strong’s Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.

Bad Dating

Posted on November 17, 2017

So, I haven’t been on a date in about a year. Why not you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. I don’t think I was doing it right. So, I decided to take a break and do some introspection. I wanted to evaluate what I really want and need. My last date is what made me re-evaluate my life. Here’s what happened.

I met this guy on Match.com. He wasn’t the typical guy I usually dated, meaning I wasn’t attracted to him. But God had been working with me on the type of men I liked so I decided to move forward. anyway. He’s a pastor, well-spoken, and loves God so I figured it couldn’t be that bad. I was wrong. As we talk and get to know each other, we discover a mutual interest in Harry Potter. (Yes, I’m a Harry Potter fan.) At the time, a movie called Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was coming out, a sort of Harry Potter prequel. I was very excited and wanted to see it. Naturally, he asked me if I wanted to see it with him and I said yes. Now up to this point, the conversation hadn’t been too great, but I thought when we met in person it might not be so bad. Y’all, it was that bad.

On the day of our first date, I get to the movie theater and he’s late. I’m very forgiving of people being late because I’m always late. I have to stand in the lobby area because there aren’t any seats and he bought the tickets. So, I’m standing there just people-watching, hyping myself up, like this is going to be good. He finally arrives and I realize I have only seen pictures of him from the shoulders up. Oh, the perils of online dating. I sigh inwardly. At this point, I was just hoping his personality would win me over. It didn’t.

We make our way to our seats and he talks throughout the previews about the bible. I mean, I love Jesus too, but I don’t want to talk about whether I interpret Paul’s writings conservatively or liberally on the first date. The movie starts and he begins breathing heavily, like deep sleep heavy.  I look over and his eyes are still open, so he’s not sleeping.  I ask him if he’s alright.  He says yes, but excuses himself to the restroom. As soon as he rounds the corner, I contemplate just leaving. I don’t need heavy breathers in my life. I stay because I really want to watch this movie and the night could still turn around for the better. It didn’t.

When he comes back, he’s still breathing hard and now he’s sweating. I’m thinking to myself, what in the world did he do in the bathroom? I make no comment and continue to watch the movie. He kept sweating and breathing heavily for the rest of the movie. I was low-key annoyed because I was trying to listen to the movie, but kept hearing him breathe. After the movie, he walked me to my car and we had an awkward goodbye. He asked if he could see me again and I gave a noncommittal grunt, patted him on the shoulder, got in my car, and drove away. In retrospect, maybe the date wasn’t that bad, but after having a string of bad dates, I think it was the proverbial straw the broke the camel’s back.

That night I sat down with God and prayed. I realized that I’m not a casual dating type of girl. I need someone that I’m attracted to. He doesn’t have to be my type, but I going to need to be able to look at him for the rest of my life. I need someone who will pray along with me and for me; someone who will have interests outside of the bible. What I need, is my husband. Prayerfully my next relationship will be my last. That’s why I haven’t dated in almost a year. I don’t have the time or energy for anything else other than the real thing. Until I meet or become reacquainted with my husband, I’ll just make sure my heart is positioned to be his wife, living my best life, and giving God the glory.

 

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for all of the experiences that have led me to You. Help me to have an open heart and mind regarding the things You have for me. Help me to receive every blessing You have for me. Help me to stay in Your will Father. Thank You, Lord, for Your divine timing. I surrender all to You, Lord. Let Your will be done and Your peace reign. Help me to not move ahead of You, Lord. I desire what You have for me at the time You want me to have it. If I have rejected anything You have sent, Lord, please bring it back around. Open my eyes so that I may see it as a blessing from You. Help me to put You first in all things.  I pray my husband does the same.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen. 

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 (NLT)

A Time for Everything

3 For everything, there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.

 

Vulnerable

Posted on November 3, 2017

God, I am diligently seeking You. You are my best friend and my greatest love. Thank You, Father, for blessing me beyond measure. My spirit rejoices in You. I rejoice in You. Help me to to be the way You want me to be. Help me to operate in a new mindset. Holy Spirit, help me to see clearly what You have for me. I want to rely totally on You, Lord. I want Your will to be done. Help me to give You my entire heart. God, I need You to help me tear down the walls around my heart. Help me to be vulnerable. Help me to love completely and truly. Help me to let go of past hurts.

I don’t want to push away any more people because something they said or did reminds me of a past hurt.  Help me to forgive as I have been forgiven. Help me to face the pain and overcome the hurt. Why do I hold on so tightly to things I should have let go many years ago? I know that I’m already healed. I’m already victorious and successful in You. What is still holding me back from your promises? You want me to be vulnerable and I’m being disobedient. Lead me where I need to go, Lord so that I’m comfortable showing my insecurities.  If I ever want to love again, I must open my heart. Why is this so hard for me? Would I rather never love again just so I won’t be hurt again?

I want to love and be loved. God, remove this wall. No matter how painful, or how much I cry and beg, please remove this wall erected around my heart. I need to feel again.  Remove this mask of propriety from me. Help me to stop hiding behind holiness and sanctification. I’m broken and I’m a mess. Not as broken as I used to be, but broken nonetheless. Is it fear that is holding me back from being vulnerable and open? Fear of intimacy and vulnerability? I’m so afraid to express what’s deep in my soul. What if it’s too much or not enough? Why am I so beholden to what others may think of me? I need to be free of other’s people’s opinions. Your opinion is the only one that matters. Help me to walk in the liberty of Jesus.

Set me free, Lord.  Help me to walk in victory. Help me to trust You enough to let it all go. I don’t want to be burdened any longer. You said to come to You all who are weary and burdened and You will give them rest. I’m coming to You, Lord so that I may rest. I’m coming to You, Lord so that I can be free. I need to be free so that I can help others be free in You. This stage of vulnerability is scary. I have no idea what to expect. I’ve never done this before. So God, please remove the walls from my heart. I don’t want anything holding me back from Your promises.

Give me wisdom. You have something You need me to do. I’m a willing vessel, empty me out and pour You in.  I will be obedient. I will go where the Holy Spirit leads me. Even though I can’t see the next step, I will still rejoice. I will trust the Lord. I will be open and vulnerable. Fear shall not be my deterrent any longer! I won’t stop because of fear. I have to keep going, keep pushing, keep living, and keep pressing.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, for the Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Help me to break through whatever is in me so that You can get all the glory. You heal the broken-hearted. I walk in that healing. Lord, help me to feed your sheep. Help me to love unequivocally again. I desire to be led by You in every circumstance. Help me to be content in every situation. Help me to let go and let You have control. Help me to guard my heart, not build a wall around it. I give my heart to You, God. I trust You. Give me wisdom and discernment on whom to trust. Help me to be vulnerable and open so that Your will shall be done in the earth.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Psalm 147:3 (NLT)

 He heals the broken-hearted and bandages their wounds.

Celibacy

Posted on October 20, 2017

Growing up, celibacy was not the standard. I didn’t see anyone practicing abstinence in my world. Sex was just one of those things church people said we shouldn’t do, but everyone did it anyway. I was never taught the importance of remaining pure. I was led to believe that sex was the way to get and keep a man. So, that’s the model I lived by. I just did what I wanted with no thought of the consequences.

I hadn’t realized I was using sex as a substitute for God. The intimacy, closeness, love, and relationship I thought I was getting from sex was all a facade. I was still empty after every encounter. The closeness I felt during sex never lasted, which made me crave that intimacy even more. As a result, I became intimate with more people. I thought that was the way to fill the voids. One fateful night I met this really cute guy at the club and went home with him. Usually, I was able to move on and never think about it again, but for some reason, I felt ashamed. I couldn’t understand why I was so unfulfilled. I remember I slipping out of his bed, into the bathroom, and collapsing on the floor in sobs. God clearly spoke to me and asked me what was I doing. He said sex is never going to fill the voids. Only I can do that. At that moment, I decided to be celibate until marriage. So how do I navigate being single and celibate?

We all have sexual desires.The way to combat this is to focus on God. Pursue holiness. I intentionally honor God with my body. I used to think that celibacy would be a boring way to live but it’s not. The freedom I get from not be a slave to sexual sin is so gratifying. The men and heartache I get to avoid because I’m celibate is relieving. I don’t suppress my sexual desire. I want it to be there. I’m going to need it when I get married. Instead of focusing on my fleshly desires, I choose to focus on being obedient to God. When I focus on God and put Him first, all the other things fall into place. I don’t want sex to keep me from anything God has for me. My body is the living temple of the Holy Spirit. I can’t just have any old thing enter my temple.

Celibacy has been a journey. Through this process, God has revealed a lot about why sex should be reserved for marriage. Sex isn’t just sex. As much as I wanted to believe that I could just move on, my emotions were attached to each partner. I was creating soul ties. Each person I slept with left an indelible mark on my spirit. It’s been a lot of work to be delivered from those ties and to rein in my emotions.  When people are married they are joined as one and sex solidifies that union. They become one in flesh and in spirit. Sex outside of marriage meant my spirit was all over the place, with no unifying direction. I couldn’t be whole physically and spiritually until I got all of the pieces of me back into order in God.

I choose to be celibate to honor God and my future husband. I want my future husband to know that I thought enough of him to wait. I’m celibate because I need to know if the person I’m with really loves me. When sex is in the equation love is often confused with lust. Lust is temporal and fleeting. Love is everlasting, it’s eternal. I need the eternal. An added bonus of being celibate is that I don’t have to worry about diseases or pregnancy. Sex skews things. Sex complicates things.  Living for God simplifies things.

Celibacy isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. We are called to be holy as God is holy. He will give us the strength, power, and grace to get through any situation. He redeems us. There is no need to be ashamed of your past. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and repent, God removes every sin from you as far as the east is from the west. He makes you new again. There is no need to go back to the old way of life. God has already provided you with everything you need to sustain you in your walk with Christ.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You, God, for your grace and mercy. Fill every void. Steep me deep in Your love. Thank You for giving me the power and the strength I need to live for You. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. I look to You, Father for guidance and wisdom in this time. Let me not fall into temptation. Thank You, God, for providing a way of escape for every temptation that comes. I marvel at Your power and might. Help me to be holy as You are holy. Help me to put You first in all things, so the rest can be added unto me.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Ephesians 3:16-19 (NLT)

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.