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My Story

Posted on January 18, 2019

Today I want to tell you a little more about me. It’s only been 1.5 years since I have really accepted myself. It has taken most of my life to believe that I was beautiful or worthy of love. This has been a long journey, so let’s go back to the beginning.

The Beginning

When I was a little girl, I never really thought about my physical appearance. I imagine I was like most other little girls. My only concerns were making sure I did what I had to do so I could go play and have fun.

I spent my summer days with my grandmother. One summer day when I was around 8 years old, my care-free days came to a crashing halt.

Some event was taking place that day and the entire family was at my grandmother’s house. I ran into her house, happy yet exhausted from a full day of playing outside.

I don’t remember what I was doing or saying. Nothing stands out in my mind as to why my close adult relative pulled me to the side and called me fat and ugly.

I do remember how I felt just after hearing those words; crushed. My feelings were really hurt. I told another adult and the response was, well lose weight then.

What I heard was, you are ugly, but at least you can change it.

I must deserve this. If two grown people think this it must be true. What I feel about myself no longer matters.

The Result

Several things happened in that moment.

  1. I believed it.
  2. My feelings weren’t validated.
  3. I began to internalize things and not speak.
  4. I stopped believing the positive things people said about me.
  5. My cycle of low self-esteem and self-worth began.
  6. I felt unloved.

The Cycle Begins

From that point on, I literally hated looking in the mirror. I felt bad that other people had to look at me.

So as I matured and become a teenager, imagine my surprise when I notice boys are starting to look at me. By this point, I was so desperate for validation, I take to whoever calls me beautiful.

I choose who to date based on how beautiful they think I am. So starts the cycle of me choosing the wrong men.  I required them to spend all of their time with me. They had to constantly tell me how pretty I was. That’s how I felt love.

If they didn’t affirm me it was a problem. I needed constant validation. Why were they with me? What else did I have to offer?

It didn’t matter that I had graduated from law school and passed the bar by the age of 24. My accomplishments meant nothing because of how I viewed myself.

How I looked or dressed didn’t matter because what was the point? I just didn’t care. After the end of my 5-year relationship I hit rock-bottom.

Although I knew I couldn’t marry him, I had thoughts that no one will ever want me again. I’m still not pretty enough, I’m still not valuable enough. No one cares about what I think, feel, or what I have to say.

Healing

Then my true healing began. I have talked about this period a lot, but I never shared the impetus of the pain. That’s why I’m quiet. That’s why I pushed people away. I’m glad God showed the root cause, so I can heal properly.

This is what led me to God and to Him affirming me and validating me. It still took some time for me to really believe that I was valuable and loved.

I constantly prayed for God to love me, not knowing that He always had and always will. That nothing will separate me from His love. I prayed for things that I already had.

That’s why I say feelings aren’t facts. It took me until I was almost 32 years old to feel confident in myself. To know that I don’t need the validation of others to function.

My voice matters and what I have to say is important. It took me to do a podcast and blog to realize that people do want to hear what I have to say.

My confidence doesn’t come from anyone else. It only comes from God.

The Other Side

It was a long and painful process, but I made it. I am decidedly on the other side. Praise God!

Now I don’t have to make decisions from a broken place. I choose who to date based not on how good they think I look but based on their character.

While I appreciate compliments, I don’t need them anymore. I truly desire a a man who will love God more than he will ever love me. I realize that it’s not all about me.

The confidence I have now, God gave it to me. He gave me a peace and love that I have never known before. I’m excited to see what God has in store because it can only get better from here.

Remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything you do!

-Kim

    Corona Chronicles

    Corona Chronicles

    Posted on April 8, 2020

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    This hasn’t been an easy time for most of us. The media is pushing the narrative that we should be afraid and worried. While there is cause for concern, my attitude at the outbreak of the pandemic was decidedly positive. I was confident that God would see me and everyone connected to me safely through it. Then, I lost my job. 

    The First Blow

    That was the first blow. The economy is up and down due to That Rona. Now is no time to be without a job. Thankfully, I saw it coming and was able to obtain another job the following Monday. While the downturn in the economy and the job market has been detrimental to many, God allowed me to keep working. So while it looked down for a little, I still trusted God to see me through and He did exactly that. Then, my parents fell ill.

    The Second Blow

    Around the time I started my new job, my parents fell ill with what they thought was the flu. My mom told us not to come over because they were sick. With everything going on with That Rona, my sister and I suggested they go get tested for it just to rule it out. They were adamant that they didn’t have it. Yet, their illnesses worsened. My mom said it felt like the worse flu she’s ever had. My dad wasn’t talking because he was so short of breath. After a couple of days, my mom started getting better, but my dad didn’t. His breathing worsened.

    Coronavirus

    One night, my mom noticed that he was too weak and breathing too shallowly. She took him to the ER and he was admitted at once. 12 hours later he was diagnosed with COVID-19.  He was taken to ICU and put on a ventilator because he was too weak to breathe on his own. My mom was diagnosed with COVID-19 the next day. I thank God that they were in the position to go to a doctor and be diagnosed. My mom was told to quarantine herself at home for two weeks since her symptoms didn’t require hospitalization. 

    Praying Friends

    The next two weeks were so scary. The details of That Rona are so unknown, even now. There are conflicting reports of what we should do, what we should wear, even what the symptoms are. The only thing I did know is that God would see me through this. However, I didn’t know what to pray. I had no words. I had never felt this way before. This was unchartered territory for me. My heart kept telling me to pray and the only thing I could muster was God, help! So I did the only thing I knew to do, I reached out to people to pray for me. They prayed hard and fervently and carried me and my family to the throne of grace day after day until my father came home well. God is performing miracles during the Coronavirus pandemic.

    God is Good

    I’m so grateful that my story ended well, many people don’t have that privilege. I’m well aware of the part that God’s grace and mercy played in the story of my family. Although That Rona is still out there causing devastation and keeping us away from one another, I’ve seen God do so many miraculous things in such a short time. He’s a healer, He’s a promise keeper, He’s a waymaker, and He hears our prayers. The fervent and effectual prayers of the righteous still avail much. God is still performing miracles during the Coronavirus pandemic. Keep praying y’all. If you can’t pray, pray His word and reach out to people to pray for you. Love y’all and stay safe out there!

    Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

    Kim.

    Recommended Resources

    www.singleinchrist.org

    www.gotquestions.org

    Lessons Learned

    10 Lessons from the Last Decade

    Posted on January 4, 2020

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    1. I Can Accomplish Anything

    I passed the bar on the first attempt. Up until that point, it was one of the most challenging things I had done. It was daunting. My entire career hinged on me passing this one test. But I did it. After 3 years of law school and an entire summer spent studying, I passed the bar. That let me know I can do anything.

    Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

    2. Not to Lean On My Own Understanding

    Life doesn’t always go according to the plan I’ve laid out, but God has a better plan. It took me a long time to find a job that I actually wanted to do. I found out very quickly that being an attorney wasn’t it. Honestly, I’m still learning exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, but I know I can’t rely on my own understanding to figure it out. God’s wisdom and revelation helped me when I didn’t know where to go or what to do. It’s always best to lean on Him.

    Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

    3. I Have Permission to Feel Without Being Led by My Emotions

    This is something I learned about myself over the years. If something isn’t going my way or I don’t feel like doing it. I quit. I allowed my emotions to rule and lead me. I would quit something in a heartbeat. So, one of the things I want to leave in the last decade is being led by my emotions. It’s ok to feel, but I must remain sober-minded. I have to make decisions based on what God says and not solely on how I feel.

    1 Peter 5:8 (ESV) Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

    4. I Can Love Jesus and Still Go to Therapy

    2012-2016 was wild. So many things happened. I ended a 5-year relationship. I lost my confidence and hope. I became confused, distrusting, distant, thought I was unlovable. It was a dark time. I remember my mind be cloudy and thinking it would always be this way. So, I talked to my pastor at the time and he recommended therapy. It was eye-opening. I always thought therapy was for crazy people. I was resistant at first because I was taught all I needed was prayer and Jesus, but I wasn’t given any practical tools to allow Jesus’ transformative power to really work in my life. Therapy gave me those tools. I still use those tools to this day to help me use God’s word to work through life’s issues.

    2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV) We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God…


    5. I’m Loved and God Wants What’s Best for Me

     I went through a period where I felt so unloved. I felt incapable of giving or receiving love. God showed me in a dream how much He really loved me. I realized at that point that He loved me since the foundations of the earth and nothing will ever separate His love from me.

    Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

    6. Prayer Changes Me

    The more I pray, the more my heart changes. Where I was once hard, I am now soft. Prayer increases my faith, prepares me for situations, helps me to defeat temptation, and allows me to see God’s power in the life of others. It doesn’t always change the situation, but it certainly changes the way I view a situation. 

    Philippians 4:6–7 (ESV) do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


    7. My Words Have Power

    This past decade I started speaking affirmations over myself. I would say them silently, out loud, looking at myself in the mirror. The point is I would say them. The more I said those words, the more I would believe it. At first, I said positive quotes found on Pinterest. Then I incorporated more scripture as I started studying God’s word. The more I spoke God’s word over my life, the more I would see His word manifesting in my life. It’s amazing to see how a day would turn out based on what I said to my self that morning. 

    Proverbs 18:21 (KJV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

    8. Money Management

    I got out of consumer debt. It was hard. I had to say no to a lot of trips and outings so I could place myself in a better financial situation. Managing money wisely provides more choices. Now, I can say yes to trips and going out because I know the money is there. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not debt-free, but I am closer than I was before. I can actually see the end and I believe this decade I will be able to say I owe no man.

    For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” — Matthew 13:11–12, RSV.

    9. My Story is My Story

    I spent a lot of time looking at other people and trying to emulate what they did in order to obtain the success they had. It never worked out for me. I have to walk the path God set out for me. My story will be just as beautiful and it will work because it’s what God ordained for me.

    Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.


    10. Faith With Works is Alive!

    I accomplished a lot in the last half of the decade by simply putting a little work behind my faith. I was able to travel, buy a home, and land a great job, all because I believed what God said and was willing to put in the work to see it manifest on this side of heaven. 

    James 2:26 (NIV) As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

    Plus Size Dating

    Dating as a Plus-Size Girl.

    Posted on March 23, 2019

    Dating as a plus-size girl hasn’t always been easy. Confidence hasn’t always been my strong suit. I battled with low self-esteem and feeling unworthy for a very long time. I went to therapy, I recited positive affirmations about myself, and I prayed for God to make me more confident in the woman He created me to be.

    I posted scriptures about who I am on my mirrors and computers. I worked really hard to be more confident. Then I finally reached a place where I felt confident in myself. Then I started dating again. Dating tested my confidence.

    Facing Insecurities

    I came face to face with many of my insecurities and had to deal with them one by one. Thankfully, I have the tools to combat those insecure feelings. All except one, my weight. Now let’s be honest here. I’m overweight, plus-sized, fluffy. Whatever euphemism you want to call it.  Usually, when I say this, people shower me with compliments or tell me that I’m beautiful. Let’s get this straight, I never said I was ugly, just plus-size.

    While there is nothing inherently wrong with being plus-size, it was the biggest insecurity I had to overcome when re-entering the dating world. Although we don’t like to admit it, being big is often associated with unattractiveness and poor habits in general. Now I know those stereotypes don’t describe me, but I knew that I may have to face them nonetheless.

    Barrier to Dating

    I was so concerned that my weight would be a barrier to dating. So I decided to just put it all out there. I stopped wearing girdles, I put on more colorful clothes. I decided to just be me. Low key I was still a little worried about my weight though. But here’s the thing, it hasn’t been a factor at all.

    In fact, I’m attracting quality men. Quality men who are fine. Let me say that again. This plus-size girl is pulling men who look good, have good jobs, and are good men. Now, I’m not pulling all the fine men, nobody is, but I’m pulling in my fair share. The funny thing is, I date men who exercise all the time. They are really into working out and feel some type of way when they don’t. They are into eating healthy and all of that stuff and I’m just not. Well, not yet anyway.

    Changed Mindset

    Listen, this blew my mind. I honestly think this kept me from successfully dating before. I had the mindset that my weight would keep me from getting what I really wanted. Come to find out, it wasn’t my weight, it was my mindset that kept me from it all along.

    I always thought that if I lost weight I might attract better-looking men or better quality men, but that’s not true. I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight yet I’m attracting men to whom I’m also attracted.

    This Tells Me Some Things About Myself

    1. My weight has no bearing on the quality of men I am able to attract.
    2. I was trying to lose weight for a potential mate and not for myself.
    3. If I was willing to make drastic changes for someone I hadn’t met yet, what would I do once I met him?
    4. My mindset matters.

    I had to get myself all the way together. If I’m going to lose weight, it has to be for me. Though I love myself the way I am, I must change my lifestyle to have a long life and prosperity that God promised me. I want to be healthy in my mind, body, and spirit. So I have to lose weight.  It’s just that food is so delicious. Plus, the fact that I can still attract some fine men while being plus-size doesn’t motivate me to exercise. I’m going to lose weight though. I want to be able to run after my kids one day without being winded so easily.

    Finally Free

    So, I’m going to keep this mindset. Even if the old negative thoughts come, they don’t have to stay. All in all, this time around dating has been incredibly fun. Probably because I’ve allowed myself to just be. I’ve learned who I am in Christ and how to be free in Him (for the most part). I pray that for all of you as well. I pray that you realize that whom the Son sets free is free indeed. No matter where you are in life, whether you’re dating or not, take this time to change your mindset. Take this time to know who you are in God. Be positive, continue to believe in Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit guide you in everything you do.

    Thanks for joining me on my journey!

    -Kim

    Recommended Resource:

    Becoming With Brittany

    Related Topics

    Dating While Keeping God First

    My Story

    Celibacy Blues

    Posted on January 26, 2019

    I have been abstinent since 2013. I’m abstinent because I believe it pleases God.  Although, that hasn’t always been the case. Until recently, my celibacy journey has been more about me, than about pleasing God. Let me explain.

    Feeling Alone

    I’m a big believer in having a community of people that are like-minded and can encourage you. I have that community. There are people around me that keep me going and keep me headed in God’s direction when things get tough.

    One of the things we encourage each other with is remaining abstinent until marriage.

    Lately, however, some of my friends have told me that they aren’t abstinent. Some have even told me that they were never abstinent.

    Why are so many people are succumbing to sexual temptation? I felt alone. Am I the only one left not having sex? Who’s left in my circle that can stand with me?

    Of course, I know that I’m not alone. I know there are people just like me who want to honor God with their bodies.

    This is not a condemnation against anyone having sex. But it did make me reflect on my values as it pertains to sex and why I’m celibate.

    Celibacy as a Character Trait

    Do I think I’m holier because I don’t have sex? Do I attribute my abstinence to being a good person? Do I want a reward because I’m not having sex?

    The answer to all of those questions was a resounding YES!

    I waved my abstinence flag around like a badge of honor. I wore it proudly so I could seem better than others. That way I could say I really am a God-fearing woman.

    Being celibate is not a character trait. It only means that I have enough discipline to not have sex. It definitely doesn’t make me better than anyone else.

    It’s so funny how God works. I went to Him to pray for my friends and their journey, and He ended up revealing my heart issues to me.

    The Real Reason

    Not only had I esteemed myself as better and, let’s be honest, a little holier, I thought that being celibate would get me what I wanted, i.e., marriage, faster.

    I thought to be a “good girl” and to follow all the rules, would somehow convince God that I was worthy of marriage.

    What in the world was I thinking?

    Looking at the speck in my friend’s eye when I had a beam sticking out of my own eye.

    Celibacy is only the outward display of self-control. But where was my heart? Why did I compare myself to others and feel like I should be either ahead or feel like I was behind?

    Lessons Learned

    My story is my story. Comparing what I’m doing or not doing to anyone else will not help me.

    I used to hold out my celibacy like I’m so good. Surely God will reward me. My motives weren’t pure. I was not doing it to please God. It was to please myself.

    Problem is, being this so-called good girl still didn’t make men act right. I didn’t get married any faster. It was a persona I put on to control and manipulate.

    I thought abstinence would attract a certain type of man. It did attract quality men, but it also attracted men who had my same heart issues.

    Genuine people who wanted something real saw right through it.

    I also used celibacy to protect my heart. It was my shield. I could hide behind it. I’d blame it for things not working out the way I wanted.

    I would use it as a deterrent. I would wave my abstinence flag and say, look at what I’m doing. You aren’t worthy! Be gone!

    How could this type of behavior glorify God?

    What’s the point in me being celibate if my heart isn’t right or if I don’t embody Christ?

    There’s no point in not having sex if I judge people who do. If I look down on others for sinning differently and not being as holy as I pretended to be.

    Thank God for deliverance. He showed me who I really am.

    A Real Change

    A friend recently told me that prayer not only changes things, but it also changes us as we hope and stand on faith.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m still strong in my resolve. I don’t intend to have sex until I’m married. I’m also not going to think of myself more highly than I ought to.

    God is gracious and patient with us. He’s allowed my faith to grow in Him as I continue to seek Him in prayer. My hope is now in Him instead of my ability to abstain from sex.

    Examine your hearts. Are you practicing celibacy because you want to please God, or because you feel like it will get you what you want?

    Go to God, He’ll definitely tell you.

    Thank you for joining me on my journey as a single in Christ and remember to be led by the Holy Spirit in everything you do!

    Online Dating

    Posted on March 23, 2018

    Is Online Dating wrong for Christians? Not necessarily. But, let me tell you my story.

    Back in the summer of 2015 on the advice of some friends I joined an online dating site.
    Before I joined I always said I don’t think I’m going to meet my husband online. I just never felt that way. I joined anyway.

    I went on my first online date in the summer of 2015. Although I was super nervous, the date went well. He was a gentleman. He walked me to my car and pulled out my chair. After the date, we even continued to talk, but it eventually fizzled out.

    After that, there were a series of guys I talked to online. Nothing really ever came from those interactions either. After talking to a guy and it not working out, I would always go back to feeling like I’m not even supposed to be online dating in the first place.

    I felt like it was a distraction from what I was really supposed to be doing and a waste of time. Yet, I persisted. I wanted to give online dating a real shot because some of my friends met really good guys from online dating.

    I mean really good Christian guys and some were even getting married to these men they met online.

    Even though I persisted, I always had a little tugging in my spirit saying that this isn’t really for me. By this time it is late 2016. I tell myself that if I’m going to do this, I will try out a paid online dating site. So I take my profile down from the free site and pay real actual dollars to meet men online.

    I met a few men, and I went on a date with 2 of them. The first one was bad.He basically said that all he wanted was sex. I said thanks for being honest but Nah.The next date I went on was the worst date of my life.

    After that date, I decided to take a break. I took down every profile and sat myself down.Here are some lessons I learned from my experience of online dating:

    Although online dating by itself is not sinful, it’s not for me.

    1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.”

    I could have been in a very different place in my life had I just listened to the Holy Spirit. There is no telling what my life would be like right now.

    I’m not going to beat myself up about it though because Romans 8:1 says, “so now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

    I’m not condemned for my mistakes. I’m forgiven and through God’s mercy and grace, I have another chance to do it right.
    I learned to listen to and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.

    Galatians 5:16 says, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
    Had I been following the direction of the Holy Spirit I would have saved myself some time, money, and headache.

    Ultimately what I want is for God to be glorified in my waiting, dating, and marriage.
    1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

    I have to make sure that all of my decisions and actions give God the glory. That definitely wasn’t happening when I was online dating. My motive was to find a husband, not to glorify God.

    So is online dating wrong?

    Not necessarily. But for me, it is, at least for right now. As I said before, I’m deciding to be more open to whatever God has for me and if He tells me to go online then that’s what I’ll do.The most important thing is to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and make sure God is getting the glory out of everything.

    Online dating may not be wrong for you. But don’t try to match anyone else’s story. God has written a unique and amazing story for each and every one of us. They all don’t have to be the same.

    Some may meet their husband or wife online, some may meet them at Walmart. Just follow God. He’ll tell you what’s right or wrong.

    Our Father,

    God, I come to You asking that I allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me into all truth. I ask that the desires of my heart match Your will for me. Let me not be distracted. Let every decision I make and every action I take be for Your glory. Thank You, God, for forgiveness. Help me to not relive old mistakes, but keep pressing forward in You.

    In Jesus’ name,
    Amen.

     

    Check out my latest podcast episode: Is Online Dating Wrong?

     

     

     

    The Power Within

    Posted on January 23, 2022

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    So we all know the story about the prodigal son. The scripture where the son demands his inheritance and goes off and squanders it then returns home. The moral of the story is that no matter how far you wander away from home, God will always be there to welcome you back with open arms. Usually, when you hear that parable, it focuses on the prodigal son. Other times the focus is the elder son who stayed. His reaction of anger and resentment is treated as a precautionary tale of what not to do. I don’t often hear the perspective that while the elder son was resentful and angry, the father still offered him grace and comfort. The father tells the elder child, “…Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.” That’s the power within.

    Blessings

    The loyal, faithful, and obedient son always had access to the inheritance. Even while rejoicing over the prodigal son’s return, the father ran out to comfort and advised the elder son. The elder son had proximity, access, and his father’s ear. How often do we focus on someone else’s blessing when we had access to our Father the entire time? The loyal and obedient children are always in the presence of the Father. Why should those so near to God take it for granted by looking at another’s blessing?

    Full Access

    God has placed within us a power that we have access to all of the time. While comforting the elder son, the father says, “all that is mine is yours.” How often do we take our unlimited access to God and His kingdom for granted? All that is His is Ours. Lately, I’ve been feeling like the eldest child. I’m watching everybody else get to celebrate and bask in their blessings. While I don’t begrudge anyone their just deserts, I feel a little left out. 

    Which is what I imagine the elder son felt as well. Here I am in the field, working and being obedient. I watch from afar as others get celebrated and blessed, wondering when it will be my turn—forgetting that my Father is right there. I can go and talk to Him at any point in time. 

    The Power Within

    All I had to do was ask, and it would be given to me because He is close to me. As a matter of fact, even when I was disobedient and willfully rebellious, He still celebrated me and called me back to Him.  And I still had access to His entire kingdom to His full divinity when I returned. It seems a bit silly now. I have God, the Creator, near me, willing to comfort me, and I’m too concerned about when my blessing will come. He is always with me, including his peace, power, and might. 

    Rejoice

    God’s power resides within me through his Holy Spirit. What shall I fear? Of whom do I have to be afraid? He is near; He inclines His ear to me. He is concerned about me. And it is through that invested power within; He can do exceedingly abundantly above anything I can ask or think. It’s all because of the power within. So, we have God and His power near and in us with any obstacle, challenge, or situation we face. Remember, no matter where we are, we have full access once we come to Him. We are His, and He is ours. Let’s use that power within to edify, support, and love. Our time is coming, and it’ll be sooner than we think.

    Financially Whole

    Posted on October 18, 2021

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    Here we discuss five aspects of life that make the whole person—faith, fitness, finances, fun, and of course, love. Today I want to discuss being financially whole and what that looks like.

    Of course, we’re going to start with a mini storytime. I started my financial wholeness journey in 2015. I took a Dave Ramsey course called financial peace. The course taught me how to budget and take control of my expenses. During the next four years, I paid off all of my credit cards, paid off my car, and started saving towards a house by moving in with my parents. Now, I understand some of this is a privilege. Not everyone has parents that will allow them to live rent-free while pursuing their financial goals. So, I’m incredibly grateful to my parents for giving me that chance to change my life and the lives of future generations.

    Debt Freedom

    In September of 2019, I bought my townhouse and immediately got into more credit card debt. I used most of my money for the house and down payment. No one ever tells you how expensive it is to purchase a house. I was using more gas looking at houses, I had to pay for inspections and all sorts of fees I did not calculate into my budget, but by the grace of God, I was able to purchase my home and furnish it.

    Then in March of 2020, I lost my job. Yes, at the start of the pandemic and about six months after purchasing a home. Thankfully, I was able to start a career with a higher salary in April. But I was scarred from losing my job and elected to stack my money and take the option to defer my mortgage while the pandemic persisted. After six months of not paying my mortgage, I was able to pay off my credit cards and fund my 6-month emergency fund. Now, was that a wise decision? I think so right now, but those payments moved to the end of my mortgage term so that I may be singing a different tune later. This pandemic and the sudden loss of so many people shifted my goal from financial freedom to financial wholeness. So, what does being financially whole mean?

    Financially Whole

    Well, financial freedom is not owing anyone and having complete control of all of my money. However, when I saw all of these people dying without life insurance, losing jobs with no savings, and unable to afford necessities without assistance, I decided to be financially whole. While it includes debt freedom, it also contains savings account for emergencies, life insurance, a will, and health directives, so my relatives know my wishes upon death and retirement investments.

    All of this is important, especially for single folks. Because we are the only ones who have control over our affairs, we need to have contingencies in place, so should we perish, our families and friends won’t be scrambling to put together a Go Fund Me account. I want to take as much stress off of my family as possible. Letting them know what I want ahead of time will help ease the burden. I know this is not people’s favorite topic. But if the pandemic hasn’t taught us anything else, it’s that life is precious and tomorrow is not guaranteed. Young and old are leaving this earth every day, and we need to be prepared. It’s time to get our financial houses in order.

    Uncomfortable Conversations

    So, I got the term financially whole from Tiffany Aliche, the budgetnista. She explains it very well, so I encourage you to follow her as well. There is no reason why we can’t be financially whole. It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but how much stress and pain can we save if we have this conversation now? To all my people out there, especially my melanated brothers and sisters, get that will, life insurance, and health care directives now. You can continually update them if you change your mind. Find out how to avoid the probate process. We are a generation of entrepreneurs and wealth generators. We need to plan to pass that to the next generation so they can benefit from it entirely.

    In future posts, I’ll break down each aspect of financial wholeness and how to achieve it. Research the things I talked about, including debt freedom, and begin investing in your future. I love yall for real! Thank you for joining me for another post of living free joyfully, and make sure to share, like, and subscribe!

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    Pray, Listen, and Obey

    Pray, Listen, and Obey

    Posted on June 23, 2020

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    There is so much going on in the world right now. This is the time, more than ever, to pray, listen, and obey. We must pray and ask God the right questions. After we pray, it’s time to listen to the instructions God gives. After we have heard from the Lord about the matters concerning us, it’s time to obey. God is intentional and will give specific instructions for us to follow. This is a time to be strategic and follow the Lord wherever He leads us. Let’s pray, listen, and obey.

    Pray


    Prayer is an essential part of our relationship with God. Prayer is simply talking to God. It’s how we communicate with God. Prayer can be done in private or in public. Prayers can be said silently or aloud. They can be said with your eyes open or closed, kneeling, standing, or walking. There is no way that is better than another. The most important thing is making sure our hearts are in the right position.

    Prayer is a way to get peace, it’s a way to stop worrying. The effectual and fervent prayers of the righteous accomplish much (James 5:16). 1 Thessalonians 5:17 reminds us to pray without ceasing. Praying persistently and at all times helps us discern God’s will and defeat whatever the enemy is throwing at us. This is the will of the Lord concerning us. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

    Listen


    God is speaking all the time. If only we would take the time to listen to Him. How can we hear from God? Through His word. “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). When we take the time to study and learn His Word, the Holy Spirit will bring it to our memories at the most opportune time. (John 14:26)

    I have never heard the audible voice of God. However, I hear and see things all the time that remind me of His Word. As I sit and meditate on a scripture, He reveals things to me in a new way. The most important part of listening to God is taking the time to do so. We must be intentional and disciplined about spending time with Him and His word. Once we begin to listen we will know his voice. (John 10:3-5; 27) Once we can discern His voice and hear the instructions He gives, it’s time to obey.

    Obey


    Obedience is always one of those things that are easy to say but hard to do. The blessings of the Lord make us rich and add no sorrow. (Proverb 10:22) We obtain His blessings by obeying His commands. So, why is it so hard to obey? The story of Saul’s disobedience may help explain this.

    In 1 Samuel 15, God tasked Saul with defeating and completely destroying the Amalekites. Saul gathered his army and destroyed the Amalekites except for their king. Saul and his army also kept everything else that appealed to them. He was cheerful and rejoiced that he carried out the Lord’s command. However, Samuel reminded Saul that the command was to destroy the Amalekites. But Saul insisted that he obeyed in his way. By saving the king and the other things the army desired, Saul argued that they could now give great offerings to God.

    Samuel replied, “ What is more pleasing to the Lord; your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice. Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.” (1 Samuel 15:22)

    Although Saul obeyed some of God’s commands, he didn’t fully obey. Isn’t that where a lot of us find ourselves in our journey with God? We obey in a manner that is comfortable for us. What this reveals is that we are rebellious and stubborn. How can God fully trust us to carry out His will, if we don’t fully obey? What blessings and opportunities are we missing out on because we don’t fully obey the voice of the Lord due to our discomfort and rebellion?

    Pray. Listen. Obey.


    This is a time when we need the guidance of God more than ever. The way of the world is no longer working and it’s time for us Christians to step up and provide the leadership that the world so desperately needs. We have to pray, listen, and obey so that we can move when and where God tells us to. It’s no longer optional. We must choose one side. Let’s stand on the side of the Lord and start with earnest prayer, attentive listening, and obeying His commands. This is how we bring about change and make a better place for future generations.

    Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness,

    Kim

    Recommended Resources

    www.singleinchrist.org/prayer

    Bible Study

    God’s Truth

    Posted on December 7, 2019

    What do I believe? Is it God’s truth or what I want to believe? It’s time to get back to the truth. The truth is found in God’s word and to follow it I must know it. In an effort to become more transparent and honest with myself and God, I decided to really look at what I believed. Where did the belief originate? Is it the truth? Am I correctly perceiving and understanding God?


    Brittany Broaddus, a guest on The Love Hour podcast, stated there are 3 principles that often get confused when discussing theology and things of God;

    • Biblical Mandate
    • Convictions
    • Preference


    I decided to research this further. I want to be absolutely sure that I’m sharing the truth.

    Biblical Mandate


    A biblical mandate is universally applicable. This is what God says about the issue and we all, as believers, have to follow it. The bible is the divinely inspired word of God. What God says goes. For example: Drinking alcohol. There isn’t a biblical mandate that makes drinking alcohol a sin. However, there are people who preach against drinking alcohol, as if it’s a sin. Here’s how confusion enters and why it’s so important to know God’s word for yourself.


    Over the course of the years, many well-intentioned people have misquoted, taken out of context, misapplied, or plain just misused scripture. It is very important when reading and studying the bible to ask some very basic questions.

    • Who is God talking to?
    • What is happening at this time in history in the bible?
    • What is the context of the verse?
    • Why is God saying this at this time?


    We must study to show ourselves approved as workers who can rightly divide the truth. Are we accurately quoting scripture? Does God say that or did someone we love and admire say that? We have to get back to God’s word. We have to get back to the truth.

    Conviction


    Convictions are caused by the living Holy Spirit that dwells inside of us. As Christians, once we confess with our mouths and believe with our hearts, we receive salvation and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit leads, guides, comforts, and convicts. Conviction is something the Holy Spirit leads us not to do because it’s not for us. Let’s look at drinking alcohol again.

    There is no biblical mandate against drinking. There are, however, biblical mandates calling believers to be sober-minded and to not be drunk. This is where conviction comes in. Because God knows us, He may tell some people not to drink or the Holy Spirit will convict us if we partake in too much alcohol. But, the Holy Spirit may not lead others that way.

    Whose Voice?

    Conviction by the Holy Spirit is great. It will lead us in the right direction. We must be careful however to distinguish between conviction and condemnation. The enemy condemns and the Holy Spirit convicts. Conviction is a gentle push to do what you know is right. Condemnation is a heavy feeling of guilt or shame for doing what you know is wrong. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.


    Also, make sure the conviction we’re feeling is from the Holy Spirit and not the voice of anyone else whispering their convictions in our ear. I have been guilty of this. I used to follow a teacher that said as Christians we were so holy we couldn’t do anything in this world, like go to the movies. Going to the movies convicted me! Seems silly now, but that used to make me feel so bad. There is no biblical mandate against enjoying a movie. The Holy Spirit may convict me about the type of movie I watch, but I was needlessly misguided based on another’s personal conviction or misinterpretation of scripture. Another reason to be grounded in God’s truth.

    Preferences

    Lastly, there are personal preferences. While these can be guided by biblical mandates or convictions, they are usually what a person wants. Take the example of drinking alcohol. There isn’t a biblical mandate against it and I don’t personally feel convicted by drinking, but I prefer to drink wine over hard liquor. Preferences can be based on anything or nothing. So, when following a certain teacher or speaking on things of God, we must be vigilant and make sure that it’s based on Biblical truth.


    Ultimately, the best thing to do is to test the spirit by the spirit. Spend time with God so that we know His voice. That includes me. I try my best to know His word and His truth, but it’s not always easy. Especially if we are listening to someone we know, love, and trust. So, I apologize if I ever passed off a conviction or preference as a scriptural mandate from God. From now on, I will try my best to operate in truth. I will take more time to study and hear from God.


    Thanks for joining me on my journey through singleness!
    Until next time,
    Kim

    Recommended Resources: www.theintimacyfirm.com

    Suggested Reading: Dating Lessons